Reflections on personal decolonization, 10 years in.

I was introduced to the concept of decolonization in 2016, when I joined the #noDAPL movement for indigenous water rights. I was already pretty deep into both third wave feminism and early body positivity, so decolonization seemed like the logical next step - intersectional feminism identified the problem as a twisted patriarchal system fed by capitalism and religion as social control, decolonization proposed a perfectly do-able solution of personal accountability in returning to pre-colonial thought systems and therefore lifeways.

How does one approach that? Turns out, it's practically the same thing as what the spiritual community calls "shadow work," and the neurodivergent community calls "unmasking." It takes a lot of inner work, particularly identifying the parts of you that you've been hiding, or pretending don't exist because they don't benefit the colonial mindset. Now, keep in mind, I'm no wide expert on this. This hasn't been a journey of research for me, it's been a journey of self discovery, and those are two very different things. This is definitely a personal reflection essay, not an exhaustive study.

What is "decolonization," exactly? It's a return to how cultures lived before the colonizing culture came in and imposed their own way of life. As an American, this all happened long before my living relatives were born, so the images that creates basically involves living off-grid in the woods somewhere. Obviously, I am not doing that at all, and that's not what decolonization actually is (though it can be, in radical cases). So, how does one decolonize in a modern setting? Well, first, you have to identify the legacy of colonialism. Most people will point to racism and white supremacy right away, but why was a racist, classist system created in the first place? That's the backbone of capitalism. We love to focus on the pioneers and the westward expansion when we look at the early years of America, but take a look at what was happening on the east coast at that time, where the modern country was already established... the country was founded at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, and the North embraced it wholeheartedly... with child labor gleaned from the poor, immigrant communities. Meanwhile, the South was in literal tall cotton, riding the agricultural business on the back of slavery. Human exploitation to profit the wealth hoarders is the backbone of this country. Capitalism relies on two things to function - division in the masses to keep them from organizing and taking control of the system, and for the masses to consume the products they make to line the CEO's wallet. Racism, classism, and overconsumption in all forms for the 99% it is.

Knowing that, decolonization means deconstructing those concepts in your own life, and reconstructing your life around the principals of personal sovereignty, community, and spirituality that your ancestors enjoyed. This is a bottom-up movement. It's work that has to be done on a very personal, individual level. You need to fully believe it and live it, and then find community with other people who fully believe and live it. The more the community grows, the more people see how happy and functional we are, the more people do their own work and join... that's how we affect major change.

Okay, but how does one do this practically? Because it still sounds huge and hard and very vague. And yes, it is a large, life-altering project. But, as the old adage goes, you eat the elephant bite by bite, swallowing it whole would be impossible. And you'll naturally encounter and discover the areas where you'll find you need to decolonize. I'll go ahead and share how the process has looked for me so far. It'll look different for everyone, but at least this is a good guide to where to start looking at your lifestyle, and how a capitalistic mindset affects it.

My body made me decolonize my diet. When you're allergic to five of the most common food allergens, and when one is subsidized by the government to grow and therefore added to everything pre-made, you have to cook from scratch. And "American food" is not meant to be cooked from scratch... even if it's assembled in a home kitchen, it involves processed food like canned soup. Which means you start eating real American food - rice and grains, beans, lightly processed corn, vegetables and fruits, lean meats, nuts (if you can) and seeds, ferments and pickles, herbs and spices for seasonings, honey and maple syrup for sweeteners.

But why should someone without any food allergies eat like this? Two big reasons come to mind: my PCP told me that there's been a rise in deadly colon cancer in millennials in their 30's and 40's, to the point where she expects they'll drop the routine colonoscopy age to 35 fairly soon. And as I write this, the price of food is experiencing the worst inflation in my lifetime. Those foods are the most affordable in the grocery store now.

Okay, three. Those are the kind of foods that you need to track your calories when you eat them to make sure you're getting enough calories in to maintain your body's basal needs. You want to lose some fat while eating huge, satisfying portions of luxurious food? Decolonize your diet.

As for decolonizing the rest of my self care, that took me to some unexpected places. I was introduced to The Nap Ministry around the same time as I was first learning about decolonization, and let me tell you, the Rest is Resistance philosophy is easy to understand, and incredibly difficult to incorporate when you have to override the millennial professional woman #GirlBoss hustle mentality that was drilled into you by your professional peers and the media for the entirety of the 2010's. Ah, the high-functioning autistic double-edged sword: you internalize how society tells you to behave, and behave it from behind an iron-clad mask to the point of mental breakdown, and then keep performing because you've been taught that your worth is determined by your output, and you can't be "worthless."

So, the Universe went ahead and orchestrated a period in my life where I was bed bound until I could grapple with my concepts of self-worth and productivity. That sparked a re-set period where the boundaries between my physical, mental/emotional, and spiritual lives blurred more than ever before.

Mostly because separating the care of your body from capitalism takes you back to practices from times and places where caring for your body was a spiritual act. Everyone's been told "your body is a temple," and we're very used to it being used patriarchially as a way to control your appearance or behaviors - "GOD HIMSELF dwells within you, therefore you can't eat pork/get tattooed/have casual sex/etc." But removing that from the framework of modern religion, and considering it alongside traditional body care practices, the old saw takes on a whole new meaning when you realize you're maintaining your physical and energetic hygiene at the same time. I discovered that traditional North African products and techniques work the best for my body, and I by in large take care of myself in ways that Hatshepsut and Nefertiti would recognize. I've already written about how this has led me to take up veiling here and here, something I would have never expected I would ever want to do, but here I am seeing the practicality and fashion of it, thanks to the process of decolonization.

And how does one best decolonize their body care in this way? The biggest first step you can make is to stop buying products on vibes, smells, and claims. Do your research - thankfully, here's where the neurodivergences come in handy, I can happily hyperfocus on this subject for hours. Start with knowing what you're working with - what kind of skin do you have, what kind of hair do you have, what are your particular needs? Me? Skin-wise, I have normal skin with the help of hyaluronic acid serum, and Kojic acid soap and HOCL keep my rosaecea well controlled. Meanwhile, I keep my skin tight and wrinkle-free with a vitamin e concentrate and cocoa butter slug. That's all. I have no need to shop Ulta for the latest and greatest product, just for the couple of tried-and-true products that I know work for me.

Same for haircare for my 3b-c, fine, highly porous hair. I make my own scalp oil based on trial-and-error and learning what my scalp likes, and my own chebe butter in the same way. I use a commercial leave-in conditioner under the chebe that I'm loyal to, and that whole combination keeps my hair growing quickly and the length preserved. I also grew my virgin hair out, so I'm not putting out any more time or money on dye. Yeah, a lot of this process is about accepting the reality of what you're working with and enhancing your unique, God and ancestry-given beauty instead of making yourself look like everyone else. Not only for your mental health and relationship with your physical form, but also to divorce from the capitalist mindset on the physical body. This becomes reclaiming your body from being a cash cow for capitalists and to being a functional tool for your soul to interface in full purpose with the physical world.

And that does mean bringing a lot of things closer to home. I do get pedicures, because with my nerve damage it's too dangerous for me to do my own toenails, I can't tell when I'm slicing into the skin. But my whole foods diet and collagen and liquid mineral supplementation gives me such healthy fingernails, I don't want to cover them. I even trim/style my own hair, and my mom, grandma, and sister's, so no one in the house has to pay for their hair care. Wigs, hair extensions, lash extensions?

To be honest, I've never been the type to choose to put my money there, anyway, even when my hair wasn't growing like this. Now, I have 3's, so I'm watching videos about how wig installs have made women with 4c hair straight-up hate their own hair from afar, and with a ton of sympathy and love for these women and girls. I see the colonization they're dealing with, and how much of their time and money and attention and even health that it's sucking up, and I know the personal journey they have to take if they want to wear their own hair and love and care for it the way it is. I've always been the kind of rebellious type that's worn my natural hair as a fuck you to beauty standards in general, I guess that's called "civil rights hair" nowadays, which, okay 🤣🤣 we just called it "natural" back in the day, but call it whatever if it makes you want to wear it more.

For the record, there's nothing wrong with wearing wigs or lashes, or with straightening your hair or wearing extensions. It's when you can't wear anything but because you hate what you have naturally is when it becomes a problem.

Decolonizing the rest of my appearance was fairly simple, as I've always had limited closet space, and been into thrifting and swapping. I did go through a Shein phase simply because fast fashion in my size was so novel that I had to wear the styles I could never wear before and get it out of my system. I did this as I was building a huge community clothing swap, so I don't feel too terribly about it, heh. I also never did "hauls," bought on clearance, and still have and wear most of what I bought, years later, because I take care of it. So, you could say I saved it from the landfill.

The biggest part of this is returning to developing a personal style, not adopting rotating aesthetics you need an entirely new fast-fashion wardrobe for. When you have a solid personal style, and you know your shapes and silhouettes and what you actually enjoy wearing, you'll actually buy or swap for things you'll wear repeatedly. You don't need a giant closet filled with never-touched clothes, just a well-curated selection of pieces you can combine for multiple looks. When that's your style philosophy, going "no-buy" for however long, or only purchasing that one needed item that rounds out six pieces in your wardrobe and nothing else is very easy. Because you always have something to wear for any occasion, since you know how to put your clothes together and style them well.

As for the rest of your style: that's all you. Makeup or no makeup? Depends on what you're comfortable with. Just, like your clothing wardrobe, identify what you actually use, and curate your collection to something you can pan before it all expires. Don't buy what you can't use just because you like collecting. Collecting is for non-perishable items. And shopping is not a hobby. Tattoos? It's your skin. Hair? Do what you want with it - I gave up hair dye, but that is not essential to the process. It's just essential to my personal hair health, which I had to prioritize over the society-prescribed youth preservation that was destroying my hair structure. Plastic surgery? That's where you're going to want to really sit with your "why" before signing the surgery paperwork. I firmly believe that the majority of plastic surgery and cosmetic procedure regret is when it's done because capitalism told them they "needed" to do it to meet the beauty standard, not because they truly believed they needed to be "fixed."

The next part involves expanding out into the local community - support local art and artists. As much or more than corporate artists. Shop your jewelry and home decor at local Maker's Markets, or boutiques that showcase local artists. Drop a streaming service in favor of a season pass to a local theater company. Follow a local concert series, chances are it's free to attend, unlike a Taylor Swift concert. Take a class, get creative yourself. Check out your local library's offerings, they have so much more going on than just book loans, but while you're there, they also have free physical media loans. Book a professional photoshoot just because, it helps with visualizing your best self. Find a hole in the community that you can fill and volunteer to do just that.

How does this benefit you? You look cool AF because you're wearing accessories no one else has. You're getting out of the house, and meeting people you otherwise wouldn't encounter in other circles of your life. Live music and theater hits different than pre-recorded stuff on a screen. Not that film and television isn't valid art, but live art needs support, too. And all humans are creative, and need to express that. Substituting the social media doomscroll with actual social interaction is good for the psyche.

I know I keep saying that spirituality is all part of this, and how it's part of this for you is up to you. For me, I got deeper into personal energy work, and that led me deeper into Hinduism, which I wouldn't claim as my religion, but I am working with Hindu deities in the framework of chakra activation. I don't expect everyone or anyone else to do that, but it's hard to not consider your personal flavor of spirituality more as you're considering your place in the universe if you're not here to blindly consume for The Man.

I've been a tarot card reader for 25+ years now, and one of the most common life dilemmas I've heard over the years is "I'm miserable in my high-paying position, and I know I would be so much happier in this lower-paid position, but I don't know how to take the hit to my finances." May I suggest decolonization?

• You're cooking for yourself, which means simple food with ingredients you choose yourself that don't cost your firstborn son.

• You're using just a few simple, inexpensive body care products that you can't hoard, saving money and space.

• You're curating a personal style with a mix-and-match wardrobe that encourages re-wearing favorite pieces and incorporating unique art as accessories.

• You're getting out into the community and enjoying and supporting live art and entertainment, as well as your local library and physical media.

• The community is benefiting from your volunteer hours, and general human presence.

• Your health is benefiting from better food and personal care products, less time online, and more time asleep, which means far more energy to do things you actually enjoy and that actually matter to you.

• You're living authentically, and frugally enough that you can take a step down in pay or hours without hurting your bottom line.

• Your newly reclaimed time and frugality means you can prioritize experiences, like travel.

• You are thoroughly sticking it to The Man. This is the most effective way to do so, actually.

• Congratulations, you're an interesting person with lots to talk about now.

And yes, when you further extrapolate this concept out, it takes you to lifestyles outside of the "mainstream," like asexuality, and the role and contributions of the un-partnered and childfree people in society. Or polyamory, and recognition of the complicated ways that feelings manifest in people, regardless of concepts of "monogamy" for clear inheritance lines. Or of transgender people, and how society can sanction and affirm gender changes and gender questioning in safe ways. Or of multi-generational and communal living, to provide combined financial stability and solve problems like child or elder care, or household maintenance, that would otherwise have to be hired out at great cost.

If I were to sum this up college essay style, I would say breaking up with capitalism, changing your habits from the most personal to the most public with a focus on bypassing consumerism and overconsumption, and connecting with community is a huge personal undertaking that can not only change you, but the whole world. Does this sound trite as hell? Absolutely. But if you've read this far, I think I've made a convincing argument that you can live a very fulfilling and meaningful life, and on a shoestring budget, by re-thinking and re-routing where your time, energy, and money is going. If nothing else, you are happier and healthier. Best case scenario, we change the world for the better, together.