Reasons why you wouldn't want to be my friend.

This is the new TikTok trend, huh? I want in.

1. It'll never be more than friends, including friends with "benefits." I'm asexual and aromantic to the damn core.

2. Having chronic illnesses means that I'm flaky AF. I have better pain management and mobility aids now than I used to, but if the temperature is too dangerous or my pain is too uncontrollable, I will have to cancel last minute. Yeah, that does mean that there are certain things (mostly ticketed events) I can't do anymore, just in general.

3. ADHD gives me some serious time blindness. Not only will I inevitably be late or early (because I'm overcompensating), but months can feel like weeks to me. I may go radio silent for ages and all of a sudden text you with a million questions about a topic we had one conversation about two years before.

4. Or I won't initiate a conversation for weeks and weeks, because I'll think I'm "bothering you" if I do contact you for something frivolous.

5. I also have internal hyperactivity, which means I am perfectly comfortable with long in-person silences. I'm talking literal hours. And while whoever my internal dialogue partner that day is usually gets the brunt of my "talking it out" during those long silences, you may get me thinking out loud at you randomly about whatever I'm hyperfocusing on and need to verbalize to understand.

6. I also have the autistic bluntness, and truthfulness over glossing. I will tell you the truth, good or bad. You will get tactfulness. I can promise it's coming from a place of kindness, but it won't feel like it.

7. You come to me for advice and solutions, not sympathy. It's not that I don't feel sympathy for you, it's just that "making it better" is how I express sympathy. If it can't be made better (I will brainstorm), I'll tell you very frankly about how much it sucks, and how your feelings are valid and should be felt properly and acted on responsibly.

8. I insist on the aux cord. Including in conversation when you say something that sounds like a song lyric, and I'll start singing.

9. It's not that I don't understand the concept of "cringe," I just don't understand why it should apply to me.

10. I don't drive. It's thanks to my ADHD & dyscalculia. If you do drive, I'll be asking for a ride if we make plans together.

11. That dyscalculia also keeps me from playing most games, from video games to board games to card games.

12. I don't drink alcohol. I take 9 prescription medications, and I enjoy living. I am "California sober," and frankly, I can party plenty hard without a hangover the next day, thank you.

13. I live my whole life pretty strictly and simply, actually. It's how I survive, and thrive under adversity. You may find that threatening to be around, if you don't have that kind of discipline yourself.

14. I'm childfree. I'd love to hear about your kids, but if you want to tell those stories to someone who relates 100%, I am not that person.

15. I'll be 44 in June. Some people hate age and experience. Like they won't get there themselves eventually. Inevitably.

16. My bedtime is 9PM. I'm not saying it's non-negotiable, I am saying I get weird and grumpy when I get exhausted.

17. I don't do social media anymore. I do blogs, and I do one-on-one or small group texts. If you want me to know something about you, or see a picture, you have to send it directly to me, or join the blogosphere.

18. If you wrong me in any way, my cut-off game is immaculate.

19. That includes if you prove yourself unsafe to any of my queer or trans friends, or BIPOC friends. Or any of my friends for whatever reason. If you're a creep to them, you're a creep to me.