Crunchy Perimenopause, part 3: Hygiene Habits for Hairy Hippies (with crunchy recipes, and product recommendations!)

tbh, I figured you'd all appreciate the featured pic for this post not being an anatomical drawing of a vulva, so here's this cute lil diva in her bubble bath.

If there's a word for 2025, it'd be "hygiene." All of a sudden, thanks to people talking about it openly on the internet, women especially are learning what no one bothered to teach us before. Which means we're beating the hormonal stank in ways our mothers and grandmothers didn't. But, one thing that all the hygiene influencers I've seen have in common is hair removal - they all shave their body hair.

I stopped removing my body hair altogether after my last spine surgery. The spinal cord bruising makes me dizzy, and the drop foot in my right leg makes me unstable. I could sit, sure, but between showering, skincare, and haircare, personal grooming is exhausting, seated or not. If it's not essential for my health and well-being, I'm not wasting my spoons on it. Oh, and because all of that is exhausting, I'm not doing it every day... more like every 2-3 days, if I'm feeling good. Up to a week in between when it gets bad. So, I need to know how to keep up without a full shower, as well.

And, we've established that I've followed a crunchified personal care regimen since I was a pre-teen, which means I'm doing this with natural, often homemade or single-ingredient products. So, let's break down hairy bit by hairy bit how to stay smelling sweet without maintaining hair removal in the process. Again, this is not a monetized blog, and these are not paid endorsements! I genuinely like and buy these products!

The Soap:

The base of all of this is a good antibacterial soap. I happen to be a Safeguard Bar Soap girlie. I find it gentle enough to use everywhere, everyday. Tattoo enthusiasts especially go for Dial Gold Soap. And basically everyone outside of the US will tell you to use Dettol Soap. Hibiclens comes up a lot, too, but that stuff makes me itch like fuck. I'm not too thrilled about the double wipedown in it in a couple of weeks as is. And please do not put Hibiclens in your crotch or on your face!

The Genitalia:

Okay, this has come up a lot lately, and it's shocking how many women don't know this. What's the point of sex ed if whole grandmothers don't know this??

The "vagina" is the inside part of the women's genitalia. The tube between the labia and the cervix. The labia is the outside part, the bits with the clitoris and all the folds and such. And then the Mons Pubis is over that, that's the hairy part.

Now, apparently gynecologists have been telling their patients "the vagina is a self-cleaning oven" for years, likely in an attempt to get them to stop douching with Lysol:

You thought that was an exaggeration?

Problem being, because "vagina" has become slang for the female genitalia as a whole, women are hearing this and not washing their labia & Mons Pubis, for it is all "vagina" and therefore a self-cleaning oven.

Ladies, please use any of the soaps named above on your vulva. If a tampon touches it while in use, don't put soap there, but otherwise, it needs soap and water. Using a washcloth for this task makes it extra effective. That goes for your butthole, too, just going to say it. Soap's got to go there, and it's got to be rinsed off properly, too.

I have always insisted on having a "shower massage head" purely for the detachable shower head so I can get lots of water rinsing down there. I tried a Tushy bidet, and while it worked on me, it flushed all the fecal matter under the toilet seat, so... I find a portable bidet is better, but YMMV on that one.

Baby wipes. I see influencers using Dickinson's witch hazel wipes which are wonderful but hella expensive, or wipes from small companies which look great... but baby wipes are the same thing, for half the cost. The teddy bears on rocking horses on the package do not bother me. When I was a working woman and didn't want to carry a whole package of baby wipes around with me, I bought individually wrapped wipes from Always. Nowadays, you can get wipes for just about everything and in every kind of packaging from Dollar Tree.

Hypochlorous acid or HOCL - I find that when I need a little "oomph" to the wipe, I give it a couple of sprays of HOCL before using it. I will also spritz the crotch of my panties if they're starting to get ripe, the HOCL kills the bacteria making the smell.

Lavender essential oil. Okay, this is a "use at your discretion" kind of tip - I always made sure to not wear it to my annual so my gyno could make sure my body's scent was normal, but I forgot one time and she said the habit was perfectly fine as long as it didn't cause any irritation. That being said, you may want to discuss it with your own gyno before trying it. Anyway, you put one drop of lavender essential oil into the crotch of your panties, neat. Do not do this if you're wearing an adhesive pad or liner in your panties, the chemical combo does not agree with the adhesive. I haven't done this as a daily habit in awhile, but I did it daily both as a student in my 20's and as an office girl in my 30's, both requiring long days seated in an office chair building up a good swamp ass. That drop of lavender meant that my panties may be moist, but they smell like a French field in summer.

Cotton panties. Or hemp, if you're extra crunchy. Or mulberry silk, if you're fancy. Natural fibers, is what I'm saying here. Pass on the polyester, for the most part. I know I have those polyester fast-dri panties on my hospital list, I've always had a lot of success with that particular kind being legit fast drying. But packages of cute panties from Shein? Not for everyday wear, babe.

"Period Panties" or panty liners - there are so many options here! Disposable panty liners have been the standard for years, but if disposables aren't your vibe, Lil Helper makes all kinds of reusable absorbent products, and pretty much every panty maker makes an absorbent panty nowadays.

Stay hydrated. Your self-cleaning oven can't function without cleaning fluid. And urine doesn't have a lot of odor when you're properly hydrated, so if you do drip a little? It's not as crucial as when your hydration is out of balance.

So, you have "chub rub"? I recommend using a "friction defense stick" like GoldBond's before putting your favorite dusting powder over the top. But, the GOAT is to just wear cotton biker shorts as your underwear. Also, you really don't want to use that dusting powder in the crotch of your panties, there were all kinds of uterine cancer lawsuits over that in Africa and India awhile back. Stick to the HOCL and lavender oil there.

Armpit & Underboob*

*or any place where skin rests on skin and collects sweat

Soap it all down. I usually soap both areas up before soaping up my African Net Sponge for a whole body scrub-down, those parts included. So, they get like a double hit of the antibacterial soap.

If you have any places where skin rests on skin, don't forget to lift them to soap and rinse the whole area, and make sure to dry it properly. I'll talk more about that in a minute.

The Three-Step Odor Eliminating Deodorant Process

• First layer: Raw Apple Cider Vinegar. This'll balance your skin's PH, make it a terrible place for bacteria to live. ProTip: don't put it in a spray bottle. The Mother will grow in the bits and clog it up so badly you'll have to toss the spray mechanism. Use cotton balls or pads to apply it.

  
  

• Second Layer: HOCL. This'll disinfect the area, leave you with a bacteria-free (or at least with far, far less bacteria than before) surface for your deodorant paste.

  
  

• Third layer: The Deodorant Paste.

  
  

  • 2 parts raw coconut oil (it has to be raw, refined won't work)

  • 1 part cornstarch, arrowroot powder, or tapioca starch

  • 1 part baking soda

  • 3 parts geranium essential oil

  • 3 parts clary sage essential oil

  • 2 parts lavender essential oil

  • 1 part Ylang ylang essential oil

    • Whip all ingredients together in a non-reactive bowl with a hand mixer. Store in a shallow jar with a tight lid away from direct light, and allow to sit overnight before using.

    • To use: apply a small pea sized amount to the hairy area of the armpit, be sure to coat all hair strands and work down to the skin. The paste will melt as it warms to the body.

The essential oils are technically optional. They are, however, natural hormone regulators, according to essential oil research (which is, you know... but whatever, because of my next point). They are also all delightful floral fragrances, and whenever I wear this combo I'm complimented by absolutely everyone I walk past.

You can leave them out altogether, and the combo of the three base ingredients is enough to be effective odor control. Or, you can create your own fragrance combo. Just, be sure to not use any citrus oils during the summer months if you show the sun your armpits. Citrus oils make your skin more prone to sunburn and UV damage.

You can't use one of the base ingredients? I recommend looking into any of the commercial "all over deodorants" with ingredients you can use that are effective for you.

For me, this three step process will hold for up to 72 hours. And it can also be done from step one as a freshen-up, I might take a cotton ball of Dickinson's Micellar Cleanser to my armpit first to remove any old deodorant, but this process will take me from stress sweat to public appropriate nice and fast when I don't have spoons for a full shower, or even a partial shower.

When it comes to skin on skin places like underboob, and skin folds, you will likely be happier subbing the aforementioned Friction Defense Stick - or your own blend of oils, butters, and waxes - before liberally applying your favorite dusting powder. Again, make sure the area is as dry as possible before applying these two products.

The girlies are getting Eos powder and Lush powder and that's lovely, but you can easily use the cornstarch, arrowroot powder, or tapioca starch you already have in your kitchen. The girlies are also putting it in beautiful cut crystal jars, but something with a good seal is best. Go ahead and splurge on the powder puff, tho.

All dusting powder is, is layering your favorite kitchen starch over cotton balls saturated in your favorite fragrances, whether that be oils or perfumes or a mix of both. The girlies are customizing their scents here. If you're using this on an area that will be skin-on-skin all day, make sure you don't use a fragrance or oil that will irritate your skin. Again, keep your jar out of direct light, and let it sit overnight before using.

The Bonus Non-Hairy Spot Hygiene Tip

Start scraping your tongue. It makes a huge difference in your oral health. And it's far more effective than just brushing your tongue, trust me. Don't let your tongue get hairy!