I insist on it. You need to learn how to move in your body after a major change. I have anxiety, I need a professional to tell me what my new safe movements are. My new PT thinks he'll have me off my walker within two weeks, which is fine by me! Obviously, I have a ton of bruising and a foot-long incision that'll take time to heal, and there's definitely pain there. But the implant itself? Made my leg significantly longer, and corrected a pretty nasty pelvic tilt. I have balance issues from my spinal cord injury to begin with, and it's going to take a hot minute for my body to get used to this. Not to mention, I'm working on the least butt padding I've worked with since elementary school, a new hip "bone" in an unusual place on nerves used to a lot more fat padding? My exercises right now are all about learning my body again. It doesn't hurt, it's just very disorienting. But, I did the whole long hall (not a pun, believe it or not, I have a main-level ranch that's arranged on one hall that stretches the full length of the house) with baby step walk-throughs just now, so big progress in just two days!

I'm getting asked this a lot lately, so here's the deal. And TW on pretty much every physical and mental health topic out there. tl;Dr, my genetics are such a bitch (comment where that's from if you know it!) My first flare happened in 2001, when I was 19 years old. It took me out of dancing and into reiki. And it involved my old hip... my left hip subluxed, and caused a severe muscle spasm in my piriformis muscle to hold it out of place (and shoot sciatic pain down into my toes). This kept happening, both hips, over and over... at first I'd have a few years before flares, then a year, then a few months... until in 2018, the flare was so bad it locked up my entire left leg for nine months. I'm pretty sure this is what ultimately killed the cartilage in my hip. This was after a formal diagnosis of fibromyalgia, central sensitization disorder, and joint hypermobility by a doctor who specializes in fibro. It's not Ehlers Danlos or Marfan, I've been tested for both. I have not been tested for the newly discovered MTFR gene, that links hypermobility to neurodivergences, as well as a whole lot of other physical issues, many of which I and my family members on my dad's side have. Our last name means "The People of Wisdom & the Element of Air" in the Romani language, and considering the suit of Swords in the tarot, which represent wisdom/intelligence and the element of air, has been considered the most representative of neurodivergences for awhile now... I think that MTFR gene runs DEEP. Anyway, between the structural imbalance, the regular severe muscle spasms, and the hour daily (I did recovery days once a week, chill) strength training program I had myself on after the Fibromyalgia Program where I got my formal diagnoses... Once I got to the spine surgeon, I had two fully ruptured discs in two separate spinal areas, one of which had calcified around my sciatica nerve root and caused irreversible damage... hence needing a podiatrist to manage my pedicure, lest I slice into my own nailbeds without knowing or caring. I've needed two surgeries each on both sites, one to try to correct some of the nerve root damage (it didn't really work), and one to remove a tendon that had atrophied around my spinal cord, compressing it hard enough to soften and bruise about half the cord at the pressure point. The injury was bad enough that when it was released, it caused a severe cerebrospinal fluid leak - I mean days on my back with a full-flow IV to keep my brain from resting directly on my skull, and leaving me with chronic migraines. Spinal cord injuries don't heal. Or aren't supposed to heal, I'm still working on full energy flow, why not? I do my own energy work, for free. Physically, though, it's left me with a mild drop foot, a leg tremor, and balance issues that make me walk like a drunken sailor if I don't have a mobility aid to keep me straight, and keeps me a basically permanent fall risk. I'll be glad to be back to that being my "bad leg," it's had to cover for my left hip for a few years now. So far, cartilage & health wise, it's fine. but I hope I don't have to do this again in 5-10 years with that one. This is why we keep records! And then, on top of that, I developed carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands at the age of 12. I finally had it repaired in my right (yes, dominant) hand at the beginning of March 2024... and exactly 3 weeks later I fell hard on it, damaging the nerve right in the sweet spot where you're just going to have a damaged nerve there. I have a cyst growing on the joint that'll need to be removed at some point, too. I still have a lot of lingering CSS-triggered pain in my right hand, but I've managed to keep it strong and functional, at least. I highly recommend kneading bread dough by hand on the regular for that. But it still limits the use of my right thumb. Not great for a professional card shuffler. Hence being a mostly retired professional card shuffler. As for my mental health, I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD (the "u" came later) until I was 40, but I sure have had it all my life. And I was so abused for my differences by the people in my life that my fibro specialist diagnosed the abuse as the root cause of my fibromyalgia and CSS. Being raised in an end times cult, and being told the apocalypse would be starting up any day now, Praise Jesus, didn't help. So, I was one of those deeply depressed, anxious kids with OCD behaviors in the early 90's when absolutely no one wanted to subject their children to the horrors of the psychiatry of the 30's-80's that they grew up with. I didn't realize I had been living in a chronic state of panic until I started Cymbalta for my fibro symptoms in 2016. At 34 years old. Nowadays, understanding why things happened the way they did, and doing the grieving I needed for that realization to happen, and using the drugs I need, my mental health is in probably the best place it's ever been right now. Not perfect... but centered. Yes, even through all of this. Do your drugs, kids. i took the drugs, & the drugs are working Oh, by the way, none of this is enough to qualify for US SSI Disability. March marks six years since my first disability application, and yes I have a lawyer, a good lawyer. He's baffled. But I still need to work off my student loans, after all, I'm too young for this. Kids can get cancer and everyone's fine with that concept, but heaven forbid a 43 year old has genetic, progressive hypermobility. It might cost the government something. Which is why I have exactly a year left on Medicaid, as there's no way someone with All That can manage their health and putting in 40 hours a week for a paycheck, or even 20 hours a week of unpaid volunteer work with an official reporting 501c3 to qualify for the Medicaid I've been on for six years and just paid for my new hip. So... 2026 will be a year of preparation for how I'm going to manage my medical bills without any coverage at all or any income. Just like the pre-ACA days, except I have a lot more health issues now. Oh, and I'm privately un-insurable under the new regulations, because I'm chronically ill. That's what Medicare is for. That you need to access SSI Disability to access. A cheat to the question I opened with, for sticking with me here!

Here's a big ol protip for you: use a good travel mug for your hot drinks while you're recovering. I just dumped hot coffee all over myself, my bed, and my med bottles. I just fucking washed all this bedding. Had to wash it again already because I got "the sweats" last night anyway - my body finally pushed out the last of the anesthesia and extra white blood cells, just like sweating out a fever. But after that, I took my pain meds (which I have put on a schedule so they all get dosed all at once every eight hours, another lil protip for you), and slept for eight hours straight. I never do that, my AuDHD has made me a few hours here, few hours there sleeper all my life. And no, I'm absolutely not washing my bedding myself. This is why you need a caregiver at home, or you get sent to a nursing home for rehab. PT starts today, and it was not scheduled well around my (unknown at the time of scheduling) pain med schedule... so my new PT is getting Weed Auntie today. Here's a secret, tho. I started Canna Fitness back in 2018. Every time I'd take a walk, or do a strength training set, I smoked a small bowl of Sour Diesel right before starting. My body is used to incorporating cannabinoids into fitness and recovery routines. ALL my PT's know me as Weed Auntie, but I don't think they know it. Also, this is why all those snacks and all that meal planning was so important - my body needs all the calories for healing right now. I'm a pretty sparse eater nowadays with my lack of calorie burning and GI issues, but healing the biggest bone in your body? Apparently you need to eat like a pro football player. I'm glad the spare croquettes happened! And finally, my bladder issues are already starting to resolve. Thank GOD. I figured they would, I did a Urodynamic test a few months back, and my bladder is pretty much perfection, as bladders go. Same with my pelvic floor strength.

My nurse told me from first bandage inspection that I had some pretty significant bruising at the incision site, which is to be expected. I still saw a bunch of red blotchy stains coming out from under the clear plastic parts of the surgical dressing, but it didn't look like blood exactly to me, more like the post-op drain fluid, but my dressing itself was dry.. It wasn't until they went past the dressing that I realized it's THAT kind of a bruise. All of my cats are mad they can't be on my lap. It's a freaking long incision, from where my hip meets my FUPA to about halfway to my knee, dang. Fresh protip: unless you have a commode next to your bed, don't let your bladder get too full. It takes three times as long to get to the toilet, and I almost peed myself. This makes dyspraxia dangerous, for sure. Other fresh protip - set your med alarms. I know I said I was going to do it yesterday, but the AuDHD took over and I didn't. That meant a VERY painful 3am potty run. Speaking of the toilet... get a riser. I was told I'd likely need one because I'm so tall. Sure enough, first pee home, I got stuck on the regular toilet seat.

And we're in the home stretch.... I'm waiting for a dryer load to get to the freshly clean and sanitized new panties and silk sleep bonnet in there, and once they're in my bag I am fully packed and ready to go. So, the checklist is as follows: ✅ MyChart e-check in & Pre-registration. ✅ Everything I'm wearing to and immediately after the hospital needs to be laundered and sanitized. ✅ Hospital bag is packed and ready to go. ✅ Walker is tricked out with the cup and phone holder from Kevin the Rollator, as well as a side caddy I bought for my transport/manual wheelchair but also fits this walker. The padded "biker gloves" I also got for said wheelchair use will likely come in handy as well, as the walker handles are hard plastic. ⬜ All bedding slept in the night before the hospital needs to be laundered and sanitized the day before surgery. You thought you were doing something else that day? ⬜ This is where someone needs to break it to Penelope that my bed is off-limits for the night. Still not sure how to do that 😅😅 ⬜ The Shower must be taken just before bed, with a freshly laundered net sponge and brand new bar of Safeguard soap. Hair prep for going down to the most minimal routine possible and not incurring damage and length loss happens here, too. And no, you don't get to use body washes and salt scrubs and lotions and butters and fragrances over it all. ⬜ Oh no, you use Hibiclens wipes on everything but your genitalia and face once you're scrubbed down and out of the shower. And nothing else. ⬜ No food or drink after midnight. ⬜ But I do need to drink three Ensure carb/glucose drinks on a schedule, with the last one something like three hours before my arrival time. I'll obviously read the instructions closer tomorrow 😅😅 And then, I head to the hospital, and my responsibilities as a patient are pretty much over. All the nurses and doctors take over from there. After a day before like that (and I'm not expecting to get much sleep between now and post-op), I'm grateful I just have to be physically present and compliant with simple instructions for awhile.

So... I've had the panic pukes all this past week, which means I'm eating very blandly and sparingly, and the extra brown rice I made for the meatloaf didn't get eaten. And since the family dinner tonight was very allergy-unfriendly, I decided to turn it into Sardine & Brown Rice Croquettes and freeze whatever I don't have for dinner tonight. If I have two per serving, I have seven meals worth in the freezer. I didn't talk myself out of the binder this time! And it adds plant protein! How's that for a super nutritious pantry dish? What does it taste like? A slightly fishy latke. The brown rice gives you just enough of a fried starch flavor that it hits the latke taste memory, and the onion is pretty prominent. Leave out the fish, and this would make a great nightshade, egg, and gluten free latke substitute for your Hanukkah table that's honestly easier to make than traditional latkes from scratch. Don't be surprised if that's the newest Menu on my allergy-friendly holiday meal recipe roundup series come next winter holiday season... Anyway, the croquettes are going to be great alongside the spring salad mix I'm keeping on hand, and balsamic-lemon vinaigrette I put up to go with it. For you, that recipe: 1/4 cup olive oil 1/2 cup balsamic vinegar 1/4 cup lemon juice 1/2 heaping teaspoon sea salt 1 tablespoon Italian Seasonings (add 1/4 teaspoon ground nutmeg for a more Greek flavor, if desired) Combine all ingredients in an airtight jar or bottle, and shake well to combine. Store in the refrigerator, and use within 1 month. As for the whole one day away from surgery OMG thing... to take the pressure off of Laundry Day tomorrow, I have a load in the dryer, and a load going into the washer once I change out of what I'm wearing right now. I will still be doing 3+ loads tomorrow. Wish me luck.

One week to New Hip Day!! My BFF and surgery buddy is under the knife right now, lots of good thoughts to her! And I finally have meal number 1 in my freezer! So, I made up a meatloaf recipe with pork sausage, brown rice, and mushrooms. I use flax eggs instead of chicken eggs because I'm allergic to chicken eggs, and I went back and forth on whether the starch in the rice would be enough of a binder or not. I went with just the rice... why do I always blow 50/50 shots? It definitely needed a flour binder. So, it's real crumbly and didn't get a crust, whomp whomp. Family secret spilling time: we do not have a good meatloaf recipe. I've been eating crumbling meatloaf my whole life. I don't know if I can handle a good, solid loaf. So, I'll thaw/reheat these slices in my toaster oven, with a potato baking on the side. I also have half a loaf of this drying out in my cupboard for stuffing: Pinto Bean Bread recipe. It's essentially the bread recipe I've used for years, but with pureed pinto beans added to the dough. I got three 2lb sandwich loaves from the recipe. It has a really soft and chewy but strong crumb that slices and toasts really well. This may be my new go-to recipe, at least for sandwich bread. And, I have six chicken breasts marinading that'll be pan fried tonight. Which means my meal prep will be finished tonight! Whew. Next up is a LOT of laundry (especially next Sunday, when I have to do all my bedding... did I mention I "autism nest" under a bunch of those heavy, faux-mink blankets with the images on them? It'll take all day...), a LOT of battery charging, and actually packing my hospital bag... so get ready for the "what's in my bag" post real soon!

I have a sauteed pan of mushrooms and onions on the back of the stove, and brown rice in the instant pot. That'll all get mixed with the pork sausage I thawed last night, a few flax eggs, and some herbs and be baked in the cast iron bread pan I got for Christmas. When the meatloaf is cooled, I'll slice it down, freeze it on a sheet pan, and store the frozen slices in a bag, so I can grab one and microwave it with a pricked and oiled potato, that'll bake in the time it takes the meatloaf to thaw and reheat. There's one! I'll bake some bread tomorrow with said cast-iron pan, and make stuffing with the leftover Christmas crudite veggies to go with some marinated chicken breasts. There's two! And with just one week to go! I can't believe I'm 8 days and some change out from surgery day already. I'm very glad, my hip is getting really bad. It's starting giving out a lot more, I have to be really careful to be precise with my cane, so it'll support me when needed. And there's only one position I can realistically sleep in right now, which is not good for someone who literally needs to toss and turn to wind down and fall asleep. I've still got a good six weeks of that, but at least I'll know I'll be over the hump in a week. Meanwhile, Penelope is currently burying herself in one of my blankets. Still haven't figured out how to tell her to sleep somewhere else for two weeks...

I am aware that blog is on hiatus, but my mom keeps bringing home bagels that I can eat, and cream cheese that I can't. Not an issue with an Everything bagel, I always have the fixins for hummus around, but she brought home brown sugar cinnamon, and blueberry... I've never been a huge fan of the brownie hummus the way most people make it, but I started throwing ingredients in my food processor, and... ended up replicating the flavor of Aldi's Jaffa Cakes exactly. Not what I was expecting, but I'll take it! Check it out here. btw, I hate the life story format, too, so I just drop the recipe and a link to my Ko-Fi in each blog post. No ads, not even pictures. Heading over to my Ko-Fi link to leave me a tip in appreciation would be awesome of you.

I have finally figured out my meal plan, hallelujah!! Edit: I had a great initial plan, at least. The initial plan: Steak & Pinto Beans with Cornbread Marinaded & pan fried chicken breasts with a recipe I just realized never made it on my blog - cornbread dressing with lentils for added plant protein. Kofta-spiced meatballs with chickpea flour as my binding flour for the plant protein, with a recipe that isn't on my blog because it belongs to my friend, Chef Abbey - whipped white beans with olive oil. I also just pinned a tahini dressing recipe I'll put up to have on hand with this. Subbed with Split Pea & Kapusta Stew THE UPDATE: does ground beef smell and taste fishy to anyone else? I started noticing it about a year ago? No other (so far) beef, including cuts like round steak or stew meat. And it's only raw ground beef purchased from the grocery store, Taco Bell tacos and McDonalds quarter pounders still taste the same to me. I don't know if it's perimenopause nose, or a new preservative they're using, or what, but raw ground beef, and the food I cook with it, has that smell of slightly rotten fish washed up on the lakeshore. So, I started the pinto beans and the meatballs with a pound of ground beef from the local restaurant supply company, thinking if anyone has premium meat, it'll be them. But, I had to deep-six both - even after forty-five minutes of pressure cooking, it's just overwhelming fish smell. I have always had the augmented AuDHD senses, and sense recall - raw ground beef has never smelled like this to me before. I've been cooking with it since I was a kid, I know what it's supposed to smell like at every stage of cooking... this is not it during any part of the cooking process. I still have tons of pinto beans, I'm not sure if I want to make the dish with another meat, or leave meat out together. Meatballs are getting scrapped, and subbed with the Ukrainian Split Pea & Kapusta Stew I made with the sad, forgotten cabbage I found in the back of the fridge. END UPDATE I don't usually worry too much about breakfast, plain instant oatmeal or dairy-free yogurt with flax seed is easy enough. But I will probably make a batch of pancakes and freeze them, as well. Frozen homemade pancakes reheat really well in a standard toaster. And I will, of course, have lots of fresh fruits and veg on hand to eat, as usual. There, now I know what I'm going to make, that's half done, right?

I'm at 2.5 weeks to New Hip Day! Officially the halfway point of pre-op. I have today and tomorrow left on The Pill, and one more week with anti-inflammatories. Knowing this, I was trying to front-load my pre-op, so I can spend as much time in bed with a heating pad as possible once the pills wear off. So, how am I doing with the pre-op checklist? ✅ Parking Placard procured. ✅ Surgical Optimization completed; walker, pre-op wipes, and glucose drinks procured. ✅ Stuff Procured - massively huge thank you to my mom and my friend Tracy, they half-and-half tackled my list, and I am SO ready to go because of them. You're both wonderful 💖💖 ✅ Hair products prep - I have a full quart of scalp oil, and 8oz of chebe butter ready to go! ✅ Pedicure... funny story. My left toes don't have any feeling anymore. It's not that they "feel numb," they just... don't feel anything. I learned this when I sliced 4/5 nailbeds open on my left foot with my nail file yesterday. Now I have a request in to my PCP for a podiatrist referral, because I obviously can't be trusted to do my own toenails. But, they're short and rounded right now. ⬜ Meal Prep - I'm just now settling on a menu. Which is actually fortunate, considering like any good Michigander in winter, I was planning on keeping this in a tote in my garage and letting nature be my deep freeze. But we're in a warming trend for the next week, so putting that off definitely saved me trying to find freezer space... ⬜ Cannabis purchase, which will happen within a few days, as I am running very low right now. ⬜ Covid Vaxx, which I'll do when I head out for cannabis. I... feel very on top of things right now. Who is this person with unmedicated ADHD??

I just spent the last 3 hours making the personal care products I do make - namely coffee-infused scalp oil, chebe butter, and deodorant. And my phone was on the charger and not taking photos or video 😅😅 That’s okay, I’ll give you recipes instead, probably more useful! Why do I make these three products, specifically? Cost and ingredient control, mostly. Wild Growth Hair & Scalp Oil is what got me on the scalp oil train to begin with, it’s a wonderful product… but $10 for 4oz is pretty pricey when I can make about 5x that of the recipe I use now for the same price. Chebe butter was pure ingredient control, it’s really hard to find natural hair products that don’t use nut oils. And deodorant is pure cost efficiency - I can pay $10 for a stick of natural deodorant, or 50 cents to make twice as much at home. Today was pretty chaotic, because it was “use up the bottom of the bottle” for most of my ingredients, so there wasn’t a ton of exact measuring. But, here’s how I did it: Large Batch Coffee-Infused Scalp Oil 2 cups olive oil 1/2 cup papaya seed oil 1/2 cup avocado oil 1/4 cup whole bean coffee 2 tablespoons rosemary oil 1 teaspoon clove oil 1 teaspoon vitamin e oil In a double boiler (or glass mixing bowl in a saucepan like I do), combine the oils. Grind the coffee very coarsely, and add to the oil mixture. Allow the mixture to infuse over the boiling water for a half-hour. Remove from the heat and cool to room temperature. Strain out the coffee grounds (cheesecloth is best for this) and bottle before adding the rosemary and clove essential oils and the vitamin e oil. Shake well and let sit overnight before using. Alternatively, instead of using essential oils, you can use the same amount of dried herbs for both, add them when you add the coffee, and strain them when you add the oil to your bottle. To use: apply directly to your freshly cleansed scalp, and get your fingers up underneath your hair to massage the oil evenly over your scalp. Chebe Butter for High Porosity Hair 1/4 cup Shea or Cocoa butter 1/4 cup coconut oil 1/4 cup avocado oil 2 tablespoons Chebe powder 1/4 teaspoon fragrance oil (optional) In a double boiler (like above), add your butter and oils and melt them down together. Add the chebe powder, stir it in well, and let the mixture infuse over the boiling water for 10-15 minutes. Remove from the heat, and add your fragrance oil, if using (Chebe powder smells a lot like church incense, but the smell disappears in the butters. The end result is unscented unless you scent it). Cool to room temperature before transferring to your storage jar. To use: apply over your favorite leave-in conditioner on wet hair, concentrating especially on the ends on the hair. This works best if you wear a steam bonnet for a half-hour or so after applying, to melt the butter into the hair. So, your hair is low porosity? Try using aloe butter for your butter, and grape seed oil instead of avocado oil. Homemade Natural Deodorant Paste 1/4 cup cornstarch, arrowroot, or tapioca starch 1/4 cup baking soda 1/2 cup raw coconut oil (it cannot be refined to work) 1/4 - 1/2 teaspoon essential or fragrance oils of choice (optional) Add the starch, baking soda, and coconut oil to a mixing bowl, and use a hand mixer or whisk combine into a paste. Add your essential or fragrance oils if using, mix into the paste thoroughly, and jar or bottle your deodorant paste. Allow to sit overnight before using. Since it’s Christmas and stuff, I used clove, nutmeg, ginger, black spruce, and lemon. PLEASE NOTE: lemon essential oil makes you sunburn very easily. I expect this batch to be long gone before my armpits see the sun again. No citrus oils go in my summer deodorant blends.