I also have two thumbs. Not to brag or anything. Also officially in a decent amount of pain, but I'm home! Just one overnight in the hospital, and I'm home now to manage my own pain meds, hooray! Which means alarms I have to set, although thankfully the shortest dosage time is every six hours, most everything is morning and evening. And now, I move like a tortoise and rest a whole lot until March. And smoke this infused pre-roll. Ayyyy. Things my care team were impressed by: my being so young and not having had an accident to cause me to need aftermarket parts (thanks, hypermobility!), my hip flexor strength (thanks to my main PT's Ben and LeeAnn), my knowledge of safe movement and mobility aid use, my cup/phone holder on my walker (they're sold as stroller accessories, btw), and my skull tattoo (Fred the Dead Head got LOTS of compliments). I'm told Penelope was "absolutely beside herself" last night, and she spent my first hour home avoiding me because I smell wrong and have a scary thing to walk with. Now, she needs the Many Pets, and she missed a whole day and a half's worth.

Packing bags is my specialty, you guys. Anyone who travels with me will tell you I over pack, but also that I'm Boy Scout level prepared for everything up to and including the apocalypse. And that I'm ridiculously organized about it. Old pin. Though, it's extra ID for my bag (everything you bring in will get a sticker or tag linked to the MRN on your hospital bracelet, for ID purposes), it's not incorrect exactly, and I don't mind if I lose it because I could use some updated name & pronoun buttons. To start with, let's talk bags. I got this one a couple of years ago (in the pre-tariff days) from Shein for $10, and it's my favorite small bag. Most hospital packing lists specify to not use hard sided luggage, no matter the size, and to not bring large duffel bags. That strap on the top is supposed to hold a yoga/gym mat, but I like it for carrying around a warm layer like a blanket, robe, or coat in a very conveniently accessible place to get to when you get cold, and that doesn't take up any space in the bag itself. And, of course, I'm saving space using the classic neck pillow around the bag handle travel hack. Another design feature I like - four VERY generous pockets along the outer sides of the bag, to store smaller things you want to have conveniently accessible. Thank you so much, Tracy, for the eye mask, ear plugs, and fidget toy! Like my comfort/distraction items. In addition to the cervical pillow and blanket: A short story collection in physical media. This one happens to have a conversation-starting title, and a conveniently petite/slim size that fits in the pouch. A fidget toy. I'm a sensation seeker, and not always in the best way, so a "Little Ouchies" pain stim toy is the only fidget toy that's really worked for me. This one has multiple moving parts, with click and non-click options, that make it just the best for me, I love it so much. Ear plugs for sleepers (that's the round disc on the butterfly pouch), and a total blackout eye mask. Hospitals are busy places, with lots of alarms going off, and cranky fellow patients screaming expletives at their care team, and lights flashing, and tv's on, and sometimes you just need a sensory break. And for post-op, this will help with daytime sleep, especially in a full household... great for help during recovery, not so great for quiet conditions, ever. Noise cancelling headphones. This particular kind is both Bluetooth and has a jack attachment for corded connection to your media source. And last but certainly not least, I just knew it would be used the most so I wanted it to have the freshest charge, and that's where it was when the rest of the bag was packed... Thank you so much to my friend Deana for gifting me this Mp3 player! An Mp3 player! Blast from the past, huh? It's so much fun to use, the interface even looks and feels retro. Why? So my phone battery can be used for texting loved ones with updates, and checking MyChart. It may look retro, but these new Mp3 players have some very modern features, and this one is recommended for its battery life and storage capacity. It also has Mp3 music file player, FM radio, ebook reader, and alarm clock capacities, so it fills a few functions my phone battery won't need to be used for. Some of the new beds have electrical outlets for charging devices built into the patient interface, but your hospital has to have budgeted to replace their beds to get those, and you really don't know if you'll have one until you're there. Which leads us to: The Charging Pouch. Something I generally keep packed and ready to go in general, but it's been specifically charged recently for the occasion. A battery pack. This one can charge my phone from empty 6-8 times, and can generally get me through a weekend of sparse-ish use. Charging cords for every device I'm bringing. A wall plug USB converter. The corded earbuds that came with my Mp3 player, as backup. The cord jack for the aforementioned analog mode on my noise cancelling headphones. This pouch is in with the essentials: Namely my handicap parking tag (we won't be bringing the car with the disability plate), my lanyard wallet with my ID and insurance card, and (in the main part of the bag) my surgery guide, with my complete daily med list and schedule, and my complete allergy list stapled to the table of contents page for easy reference. This is one of those things they remind you repeatedly that you need to bring on surgery day. Hard to see from above, but a protip: Can you tell I've had this one for awhile? If you wear contacts, wear your eyeglasses in. And if you wear eyeglasses, bring a good case. They do have temp cases, but they're usually just like plastic baggies, so bring your own just in case. As for that pack of wipes in the fourth pocket, it's one of a few packs in an effort to keep me from getting stinky while I'm laid up... Thank you to my mom and my friend Tracy for fitting out my dopp kit! That 100 count antibacterial hand wipes is the pocket pack, and it'll live on my nightstand once I'm back home. You don't always feel great enough to stand there and wash your hands when your whole structure has just been surgically manipulated with. The Neutrogena wipes are for the greasy hospital skin... there's something about the dry air, the stuff they're pumping you full of, and the stress that makes your skin just disgusting. These micellar cloths remove everything. Meanwhile, the Summer's Eve cloths are specially formulated to be used on your genitals for cleansing and deodorizing, and can be used on your armpits and under boobs, too. And I got it to scent match the Summer's Eve all-over deodorant. Yes, I usually make my own, but I prefer to bring something commercially packaged to a hospital or airport setting. The Dr. Bronner's Castile Soap is for if they want me to shower in the hospital. I know full well the shower soap they keep on hand makes me itchy af. And this works as a scalp cleanser that isn't too harsh for my delicate hair, as well. And HOCL is the all-purpose GOAT. I use it on my face for my roseacea, my mobility aid handles as a disinfectant, my underarms as a pre-deodorant antibacterial prep, to disinfect wounds... it's the Swiss Army Knife of disinfectants. And as for my hair (and skincare): Tracy came in clutch with all of this, thank you! Ignore the whole "for kids" thing, that liquid leave-in has lots of water in the recipe, the fatty alcohols for slip that my hair adores, lots of nourishing oils that did not come from nuts or soy, and liquid beeswax to seal it all in, in one product. Perfect for temporary minimal haircare. Especially paired with a Tangle Teezer brush, for gentle detangling. This is the mini version. And as for skincare, an all-purpose, whole body (face included) gentle moisturizer is your best friend in that dry air, once you get the hospital film off. Now, I got a new dopp kit on Black Friday 50% off, and it's the best travel hygiene kit I've ever used. Note, particularly, the Poy-Sian brand camphor & eucalyptus inhaler stick. If you're in a facility with shared rooms, and if your roommate has incontinence issues... you'll thank me for having it in your kit. Everything in the preceding two pictures fits in the above kit with all those things in the pockets. Not to mention... My mom and Tracy are responsible for the dental care products, I believe about 50/50 exactly. Thank you, both!! How perfect is this side pocket? And how perfect are these individually portioned packets of toothpaste and mouthwash? The toothpaste was made specifically with unhoused and outdoor recreation situations in mind, the packaging is 100% biodegradable and made from wood pulp, it'll disintegrate quickly if it's tossed on the side of the road as litter. Unfortunately, the Listerine Cool Mint packets aren't quite so eco-friendly, but they are just as convenient, and the single-serving nature of both keeps the germs going into your mouth in a germy environment at a minimum. As for the brush and sanitary cap, both can get sprayed with HOCL before and after each use to keep them disinfected. The dopp kit has another mesh pocket on the other side, that if I weren't packing for major surgery and were packing for a girl's weekend, I'd toss a couple of tubes of mascara and lip gloss into. Okay, moving on! Thanks for the expensive, bougie AF snacks, mom! I told you I pack for the apocalypse. That means over packing the snacks. My grandma was just inpatient at this particular facility, and she says they have good coffee. We'll see. I'm prepared with the gourmet Korean instant stuff, just in case. And with a creamer I can use, I doubt they keep that on hand, no matter the coffee quality. As well as my usual brand of electrolytes, which will hopefully fast-track me to discharge. Bullion cubes are allowed while you're still on a liquid diet post-op, but all of them have soy, and most have dairy products. Dehydrated bone broth in a stick it is! Dried fruit has been a comfort treat since childhood, plus it's lots of fiber to combat the opioid constipation. And these allergen-free granola bars are a good hold you over while waiting if dietary is backed up getting a meal out. Thank you for the robe, Tracy! It's way too well packed in there to justify taking it out and repacking it for my own picture, but behold the most ingenious robe ever designed for being a surgery patient. They didn't pay me to say that. It's a very soft, light 100% cotton material with a deep dye, and slightly weighted collar so even if it's untied, it'll hang properly. This'll definitely be my spring/summer daily wear after recovery is finished. The ties are sewn to the back of the robe. This does mean you have to tie them up when you go to the toilet, or they'll definitely get peed on. But you'll also never lose the tie. The sleeves come just to the top of the elbow (on my arms, at least), for easy IV access. There are two drain pockets on each side of the robe. And they're fully attached at the top, but only attached to the robe by the corners at the bottom, so you don't look like you're smuggling grenades or something. There's also a very spacious pouch-style outer pocket sewn into the side seam on both sides. It's the hospital recommended knee-length, for the most modesty with the most uninhibited movement. Tucked in next to the robe are the trifecta of intimates: Thanks for the new socks and panties, mom! And the No-hands Slip-on Barefoot shoes! Not seen here, as I explain below. A silk sleep bonnet. I may see if they'll let me wear it under the surgical bonnet. If not, it goes on the minute the surgical bonnet comes off. New, non-cheugy crew socks. My rule with packing socks is to pack double what you think you'll need. I'm wearing a pair in, they'll give me grippy socks, so... one pair. Same rule for underpants - I'm wearing a pair in, and they'll likely put me in disposables right after surgery, so... one pair. Of hi-cuts, to avoid the anterior incision. In black, in case there's any incision leakage. I recommend not wearing any light colors into the hospital, unless you're looking for a blood and other gore stained look. I won't bother with a picture, but there's also a pouch of menstrual pads and disposable absorbent panties in the bag. And that's it! That's what I'm bringing tomorrow, along with my walker. I left my scale at my friend's place a few months ago and haven't retrieved it yet, but I'd guess the bag weight at about 10lbs. Definitely the top end of my current capacity, but I can lift it and carry it short distances. My dad will be doing all the heavy lifting tomorrow, anyway. You're probably wondering where the clothes and shoes are? You wear them in. I'm still kind of undecided as to what will be easiest to get on and off both pre and post-op, pants-wise. Once you get there, you put on a surgical gown (it has it's own temperature control system, it's wild), and they have you in a standard hospital gown before you even come out of anesthesia, and you're in that gown (and your robe and blankie) for the rest of your stay. You'll then put the clothes you wore in back on at discharge. And I can say I'm ready as I'll ever be! Well, after I take the pre-bedtime shower, and drink the drinks.

That's Bob all stretched out on the teal blanket, Milosh keeping watch at the window, and Penelope curled up by the pillow pile. This is how I woke up this morning. Tonight's the night I'm not supposed to have any animals in my freshly sanitized bedding. Look, if God didn't want me to have cats in my bed the night before surgery, He wouldn't have given me shitty joints and clingy cats.

TW: weight loss, weight gain, fatphobia, medical neglect, medical advocacy. If you were overweight as a kid, and it just kinda got worse the older you got, and then you spent your adult life fluctuating between gaining and losing the same 20-30 pounds that didn't quite get you to the 60-100lbs you need to lose... Check your hormone balance. Get tested for food allergies. Get treated for "dopamine eating" if needed, whether you go the medication or therapy or surgery route. Manage your cortisol levels, again, however works for you. If it's not any of those, at least you've ruled them all out. But it was literally all four for me. I needed to control my hormones with medication before I could see any results from exercise. I needed to eliminate five allergens from my diet, that were causing me to hold on to a very specific weight pattern even the exercise and hormone regulation didn't touch. I have AuDHD, and have two primary dopamine hit suppliers in my life - eating, and bargain shopping. And I am fully okay with letting the world know that I need pharmaceutical intervention to help me control these impulses. I can't do it without, my entire life without Contrave is testament to that. And my brain craves that dopamine hit the most when I'm the most stressed. See: being neurodivergent, undiagnosed for 40 years, in a neurotypical world that thinks you're also neurotypical and expects you to keep up. See also: undergoing multiple major surgeries in a short period of time. See also: adjusting to a newly significantly disabled body. See also: perimenopausal abdominal fat accumulation. All things that it took 40 years, and my insistence on fucking around and finding out with my body, to get these diagnoses, figure out that's why I'm holding on to the fat, and figuring out what I need to do to finally shed the fat based on the real root causes. The (actually) fatphobic people are wrong: I needed medical testing and intervention and a customized diet and exercise and medication plan that had never been suggested or offered to me by any medical professional in my life before this - I had always just been told to eat less of the fast food I didn't eat anyway, and get more exercise than the hour per day I already got. When that's the case, your weight is absolutely not your fault, you don't have any of the tools for the job at hand. And it's certainly no "moral issue." But what is your responsibility is to be your own medical advocate, or at least to appoint yourself a trustworthy person as your medical advocate if you don't think you have the fire for it. It took putting myself on the Autoimmune Protocol and showing positive changes in my weight and pain levels to get the referral to an allergist. The hormones were a surprise, I just wanted to skip my period while I was camping. I basically had to go to my PCP with a hypothesis and my evidence for my argument, and ask for testing to confirm or deny, for every single contributing factor I could identify. It's a whole other kind of hard than the diet and exercise grind you're sold. Welcome to your Dr. House Era. But it is possible, and hopefully my list gives others a good starting point for their medical mystery solving. And hopefully your country's medical plan covers it. Update 5/20/2026: I learned recently that it was undiagnosed lipidema stage 2 (you could probably argue stage 3 with how the fat sat on my hypermobile hips, and one already needed full replacing) this whole time 😅😅 Not that it matters for me anymore, but this is just more evidence that you need to cover every single base medically if you can't lose the weight with unassisted calorie restriction and exercise.

My mom got the ancestry.com swab kit and membership on Black Friday special, and all the leaves started popping up in earnest today... So, my grandma on my mom's side was raised Cherokee. Now, this was the 1940's/1950's and while she spent every summer with her Cherokee family, and she knew full well she was Cherokee, she dgaf. She passed well enough, as far as she was concerned she was a "modern American girl" and didn't really care about her ancestry. Her brother did, but unfortunately, the oral history got real screwed up somewhere along the way. We were always told to look to the maternal side of the family to find the Cherokee family. That was absolutely incorrect, it was on the paternal side. The maternal side? The however-many great grandmother who married Cherokee was the great-great-great granddaughter of William Bradford. You know, the top pilgrim? Came over on the Mayflower? Led the settlement? That guy? Yeah, she's the great-grandchild of his eldest son and namesake. You'd think this would be preserved in the family tradition, right? Oh, she went full native. And the family is culturally Cherokee to this day. Yeah, that guy. Who recorded the Mayflower's landing as 11/11/1620 (the 11/11 portal of a 9 year). Leave it to my grandpa to hit up the numerology and angel numbers... I probably just got disowned for that one, lmao! I am CACKLING. This is the most American thing ever. Potentially even richer than my mom, the great-grand-daughter of the chief Rabbi of his city's synagogue in Lithuania, marrying the descendant of Ukrainian Cossacks and Transylvanian Romani (definitely another "only in America" kind of pairing). And then making me and my sibs. The Ancestral Realm must have been a trip these past 43 years, with all these people in the same room 🤣🤣 In other news, I got the second surgery slot! 7:30am check-in time on Monday. Whoo hoo! Long before my usual first meal, also long before the fishgirl thirst kicks in. I approve. Update: we just found an ancestress from Germany in the 1550's recorded not by name, but by description: "Enormous Lady Viking." Fuck yeah.

If you joined the Natural Hair movement 10 years or so ago when it was first getting started, you likely read Lorraine Massey's "Curly Girl: A Handbook." It was one of the first books written on the subject, and while the "Curly Girl Method" isn't quite it anymore, it started a lot of curly haired people on their journey to healthier hair, and she taught you how to do it all - including skip the salon and cut your hair at home, because if you're a curly haired person of a certain age, you remember being traumatized by the harsh hair products and uneducated hair stylists of the 80's and 90's. And my sister happened to drop out of beauty school after purchasing the full kit, so I've had a lovely pair of shears ever since. Now, I can't say I beat Brad Mondo to the technique, but I was doing his "wolf cut" technique for a good five years before he dropped his tutorial . Nowadays, I kinda blend the technique with Manes by Mell's Pigtail Cut , which is why I spontaneously cut my hair last night. I put my hair in pigtails in preparation to put the two sides in cornrows to sleep, and BOY does my hair grow unevenly 😅😅 The left side is thicker but grows slower, while the right side is thinner but grows faster. That takes a lot of upkeep to keep up with! It's only been a month since my last trim. But this means I'm pulling a Penelope here (Odysseus' wife, not my cat) - grow two inches, cut off one. I'm still making plenty of progress... but I'm definitely not being time efficient about the growth process in favor of keeping the ends obsessively even. Also, I'm not apologizing for my cheugy, aura point reducing slightly off-center part. It's to compensate for that whole hair growth uneven-ness thing. This also means I'm going to look like Mirabel a little longer. Disney owes me royalties for using my image, I swear to God.

Hamish the Haggis fully experiences the nip, while Milosh can hear colors.

Look, I'm not trying to get up here and mixed-splain traditional African hair care, but natural hair influencers, and hair growth influencers in general seem to have glommed on to two very puzzling "facts" recently - water is bad for your hair, and oils and butters dry your hair out. Chebe is getting a lot of blame for causing thinning hair nowadays, too, getting caught up in the oil and butter discourse. You know, that mix that's been used to grow hair successfully in Chad for what, millennia? Definitely can't be user error, no... My hair is highly, HIGHLY porous (which means it absorbs water quickly, but also loses that water to evaporation quickly) and very fine (fine refers to the thickness of the hair strand itself, "thin" refers to how many grow out of your head). Behold, the hair structure. So, my highly porous hair means that that webbing bit in the cortex is literally full of holes. It acts like a sponge because it's structured like one. That makes my hair incredibly fragile, to the point where the ends actually disintegrate at the slightest hint of physical distress. So far, chebe butter steam treatments have been the only thing to allow my hair to retain the ends. Like, to the point where they still look blunt cut a whole month after my last trim. I've shared the recipe I use for chebe butter a few times. Here's the process: This is a wash day activity, I use my Kojic acid soap to scrub my scalp, and use the extra suds to wash the strands. Obviously, this leaves you with completely saturated wet hair. Blot it a bit, but you still want your hair dripping just a little before using your products. I start with my scalp oil and massage for growth. I then use about 1/8 cup of store bought leave-in conditioner on the strands. This will obviously increase as my hair gets longer. My hair adores Cetyl/Cetearyl Alcohol... they're fatty alcohols, not drying like the Isopropyl in your medicine cabinet. They're what give your favorite conditioner the "slip" to detangle your hair. And then I use about the same amount of chebe butter on top of the conditioner. Here's where I move from the bathroom to the bedroom so I can get comfortable for the steam treatment: You'll need: a steam bonnet (that's the one I have, I'm not getting paid to share that link), or heating pad long enough to wrap around your head with clips to hold it in place, a plastic shower cap or plastic bag with a headband to hold it in place, and the fuzzy cap your steam bonnet came with if applicable. Put your wet, chebe-ed hair into the plastic cap or plastic bag, top with the fuzzy cap if you're using a steam bonnet, and put the steam bonnet on or wrap your heating pad around your head. Choose your temperature - you want it as warm as possible without making your scalp sweat. That can take some trial and error at first. Relax for at least a half-hour while you heat up all those butters and oils and resins. Your hair will still be wet after the steam treatment. I don't diffuse my hair, I just tidy the part and clump the curls with one of those curl brushes before letting it air dry. How often do I do this? Every 2-3 days. Up to once a week during flares or migraines. Why does this work? Your hair needs water. That's why it gets frizzy in humid air, the cuticle is opening as wide as possible to absorb as much of the moisture as possible. Yeah, moisture. There's only one ingredient that provides "moisture" and "hydration" to your hair and skin - water. Everything else is a humectant - more commonly called a "slug" nowadays in skincare terms. That's an ingredient that does not itself contain water or provide moisture (unless you live in an extremely humid climate), but it provides a catch barrier to hold the water in your hair and keep it from evaporating out. Now, if you put a humectant on dry hair... that barrier the humectant provides goes both ways. It won't let the water in, either. That's why so many people think that oils and butters are drying out their hair... they're putting it on dry hair and expecting it to "moisturize." I think we all know what heat does to oils and butters... and water, for that matter. Heating these ingredients puts them into the best state for your hair to fully absorb both the moisture and the oils and butters, all of them can get past the cuticle and fill up all those sponge holes in the cortex. Then, when your hair returns to room temperature, so do the oils and butters... now your hair is fortified and the cuticle is sealed, it's like putting a scaffold on every strand. It took me about a month into my chebe journey to figure out the steam treatments step - without it, the butter sits on top of the strand. Fine for sealing the cuticle, but not great for filling up that cortex... and boy was my hair greasy. That was new for me, my hair positively inhales oils. And here's a bonus tip - wear silk sleep bonnets , not polyester satin (again, not paid for that link, I just like the brand). There's a huge, huge difference you'll see in your hair. And yes, wear a bonnet even if you have silk pillowcases - I've been sleeping on satin pillowcases for over a decade, and can attest that that's more for your skin than your hair. That's me in my steam bonnet, which makes me feel like one of the Egyptian soldiers in Stargate (1994), but extra fabulous... which is pretty on point for Stargate, tbh.

Well. "Owala." It's the "Freesip" design, but I have no idea if it's "real" or not. Nor do I particularly care. The Freesip bottle seems to be number one on everyone's "What I'm Not Buying in 2026" lists. I didn't buy mine! [ cue lil' Miley Cyrus singing the Hannah Montana theme song ] I'm at my Surgical Optimization Appointment a few weeks back, and my Nurse Navigator comes in with all my goodies - the itchy af pre-surgery wipes (they're basically off-brand Hibiclens), the Ensure glucose drinks you drink on a schedule the night before surgery, the ice packs for the incision icing schedule I have to keep up immediately after surgery, the walker I'll be getting around on for six or so weeks... and a water bottle branded with the health system's logo, which she started right out with. Why? Because I'm the first ever orthopedic surgery patient to get one. They did a study recently, and realized a huge majority of patients who land in the ER in the 72 hours after surgery do so because they're dehydrated. And, they figured that patients would actually want to use their new water bottle if they're the latest trend style. Basically, had this been a year ago, it would have been a 40oz tumbler. Anyway, I was given a 32oz Freesip, and told to drink 3 fills per day during post-op recovery. What are the dang odds, that the first patient to get the fancy water bottle and the post-op hydration instructions is the outlier super young (in comparison, at least) patient with the existing hydration obsession? I haven't even used it yet, because I'm so used to just re-filling my 50oz tumbler, though the Freesip will likely be easier to haul around with the cup holder on my walker, so I'll probably switch over next week. As for pre-op prep, I packed my hospital bag today. I'm pretty sure Penelope lost her first home when her family got evicted, because she freaks out if she sees me packing an overnight bag. I waited until she wasn't around to start putting my bag together... but she found me about 3/4 of the way through, and proceeded to have a freak-out. So, now my bag is living in my closet, on a high shelf she can't get to or see, for stress reduction and less chance of getting peed on in protest. I'll write up that breakdown of what's inside later this week, but right now, I need to go finish that meal prep stuffing!

TW: addiction, recovery. People are on TikTok loading up tote bags with offline activities to curb their doom scrolling. I'm watching a compilation video on YouTube right now, where someone commented that they remind them of the "Kid Kits" from the Baby-Sitters Club series, but for grown-ups, which is pretty hilarious to Elder Millennial me. On that note, puff painting and bedazzling cotton totes from Michael's for personalized "Analog Bags" would make a great ladies' night... The point is to keep non-digital time occupying activities handy in a tote bag, so whenever you want to get off your phone, you can pick up the bag and quickly find something else to do. There seem to be two different kinds - the bag that stays at home, and the bag that's packed specifically for going out either alone or with friends. I think people are trying to do two things with this one trend - address their social media addictions, and start to separate themselves from smart phones in general by replacing the phone's function in their lives. And I think this issue would be best addressed from these two different angles, not all in one like people are trying to do. I'm saying this as someone who has been social media free since April, and has gone on large (I'm talking multiple years at a time) social media breaks, and pre-social media on long message board community breaks, for decades now. I don't have a particularly addictive personality. I have two addictions - sugar, and social media. And with addictions, you really need to just put it down and not pick it up again. You need to fully quit some apps. Get them off your phone, delete your account if you need to. You probably ask how people will be able to contact you, particularly if you don't necessarily want them to know your phone number? Get an independent messaging app. I use Signal, personally, but whatever you and your people use. Do Not Use Facebook Messenger. That's some of the biggest spyware out there. And it makes it too easy to get sucked back into the main app. You're probably also wondering how you're going to get your news? You have a few options - bookmarking your favorite journalism outlets on your web browser and making a habit of visiting them directly, following news podcasts or television/video journalism, or downloading a dedicated news reader app. Yes, this means that, unless you have a dedicated app or keep NPR in your headphones all day, you have to be in a certain place and at a certain time to access your news. Trust me, that is a lot healthier than our 24/7 hyper-awareness. This makes it a lot easier to find balance and boundaries with your news consumption, and you will find your mental health improves. The first two or three weeks are rough. They take a lot of willpower. And it's probably going to make you pretty angry that you're having this intense of a reaction for so long to a fucking app. Good. Get angry. You should be angry. This is when having an analog bag full of distractions is useful. I also recommend cooking all your meals from scratch during this time. That makes time go by fast. This is also a great time to start an exercise routine, or really start focusing in on the one you already have. Centering yourself back in your physical body helps a lot during the digital DTs. Now, what's in an Analog Bag? Like I said, there seems to be two versions, one that stays home, and one that goes out. The "Indoor Bag" is more like a hobby bag, whereas the "Outdoor Bag" is basically breaking out the smartphone into its analog components. The content portion of these bags on TikTok is in a "what's in my bag?" format, and as for the kinds of things you can put in these bags, the influencers are suggesting items like... Their current read, and/or the next book on their TBR pile. The focus is on physical copies, but especially if you have an e-reader that doesn't have an app function, there's no reason to not keep a digital reader in here, too. Knitting, crochet, cross-stitch, and embroidery projects. If you're into making small, easy, repetitive things, may I suggest hats and blankets for your local NICU? Knots of Love has both knit and crochet patterns available for free! Your local homeless shelters also appreciate donations of hats, scarves, mittens, and blankets, any time, but especially when it starts getting cold in the fall. Portable art kits, sketchbooks and pen/pencil sets. Watercolor sets with the water pens seem to be very popular. Adult coloring books and pens/pencils. Puzzle books: crossword, word find, sudoku, etc. Don't forget pencils and erasers. Jigsaw puzzles. Lego sets. A deck of cards for Solitaire games. Not for everyone, but a deck of tarot cards, instructional book, and tarot journal would be a great addition, if learning to read tarot has been on your list for awhile. Bullet Journals, free-form journals, planners, scrapbooking materials. Stationary & stamps for letter and card writing. A watch (NOT a smartwatch), or a small alarm clock to keep in your bag, so you can check the time without checking your phone. Same with a calculator, if you think you'll need one. An Mp3 player and small Bluetooth speaker/headphones or earbuds. I don't know about you, but I need background noise for all of the above. If this is something you want to get in the habit of carrying around as you move around your house throughout the day, also include a water bottle, and your emergency meds. Actually, if you're awful about remembering to take your meds, put all of your meds in your bag. Same goes for your supplements. We're fostering good habits here, right? Just be sure to be safe about it - if your meds are controlled, or if you have young kids, niblings, or grandkids, make sure the meds are in a locked med bag. You can get med bags at any pharmacy. same with any disposable products you may use to handle your menstruation or incontinence. And maybe an extra pair of underwear. You don't know when you'll be down in the kitchen when all of a sudden OOPS, and everything you need is in the upstairs bathroom. Why yes, these are all great things to include in a surgery bag to keep you occupied in a hospital bed, too! Obviously, you'll be picking and choosing what goes in your bag based on your own needs, interests and abilities. I recommend picking 1-2 major activities and maybe 1-2 smaller ones, not loading the bag down. You don't need to overwhelm yourself by feeling like you have to get to everything in your bag - this is fun, not work. You'll also be swapping things out as you complete them, so you can take a break from knitting to cross-stitch that one pattern you found, or swap out your jigsaw puzzle for a sudoku book pretty regularly. In addition to the above - both ukuleles and electric keyboards are affordable new and downright cheap used, and both are very easy to teach yourself with online tutorials. I also recommend dance tutorials, if you have the body for it - trying to teach myself the Charleston from YouTube was a red flag that Something Was Wrong With My Legs, tbh. And taking a single adult ballet class let me know it was time for a new hip... dance is diagnostic! Speaking of dance class... go take a class. Check out places like your local library, local cooking school, local STEAM and nature centers, local arts academy, etc, etc... you can learn a new hobby in person, with other people. And, you know... make in-person friends. Spend time in the physical presence of other humans. Check out what kinds of local groups and meetups are out there, too. If you're planning on needing a large bag for all your yarn, one of the local coffee shops in my area hosts a weekly Fiber Arts Meetup. Might as well bring the bag you already packed, get a cuppa something, and work on your project with other yarn artists. If you'd rather play the kind of card games that take more than one person, half my neighborhood plays Euchre at the local Conservation Club on Sunday nights (go ahead, guess which state I'm from). Speaking of in-person time together, I also suggest organizing a group of Analog Bag users to get together once a month or maybe every other month to swap the Analog Bag things they aren't using anymore - lightly used, all pieces included Lego sets and jigsaw puzzles, unused craft and scrapbooking supplies, read books you don't want to hang on to, finished art or crafts you don't want to hang on to, etc, etc... If this sounds really interesting, and you want to know more about how this would work, up in the right-hand corner, under "AuntieLinks," you'll find that aforementioned Signal contact - drop me a message, I have organized swaps big and small, and have lots of tips and advice for new swap organizers! Now, the "Outside Bag" - aka your purse. You're not going to want to haul two bags around everywhere, trust me. Much easier to use a larger purse to store your analog things. Also much easier to carry around a large bag as your primary when you have smaller "ditto bag" pouches to corral all the small things that would otherwise get lost at the bottom of the bag. Jane Birkin may have been okay with losing things to the abyss, but I can't have that thing be my migraine rescue meds, I can't be quite so quirky about carrying a large bag. So, what are the components of an "Analog Purse"? Mp3 player. Nowadays, they're all Bluetooth compatible, so it's not like you need corded headphones/earbuds, but they are a more obvious signal to others that you can't hear them. Book or eReader. Whatever your current read is on. This is something, especially if you're reading a physical copy, that you'll have to remember to move from one bag to the other. If you don't know if you can reliably do that, I recommend keeping a book of short stories or essays in your purse that you can read through one story or essay per appointment wait time, two if they're late. if you're looking to entertain children in waiting rooms, or drunk friends in bars, keeping a book of icebreaker questions, or riddles, or trivia to read out loud is also a good idea. You can usually find them in the novelty books section. A puzzle book, as well as pencils and erasers to work them with. Craft project. Again, if you can't reliably remember to keep switching your main project from bag to bag, keeping one of those little amigurumi, or small cross stitch pattern kits that have everything included in your purse is smart. Travel art supplies/kit. Again, a dedicated mini set for your purse is recommended, separate from your full set at home. A stim toy. Do you really need a full distraction, or do you just need something repetitive to do with your hands? A calculator, especially if you have dyscalculia like I do. A dedicated purse watch. Speaking of Jane Birkin, she looped hers around the handle of her purse so it was handy. A digital or film camera. Don't forget to have a backup memory card, or backup roll of film, too. A planner, and/or a notebook or journal. Here's where my ADHD is going to keep me on my phone - I will likely start keeping a paper planner in 2026. But it doesn't make noises at me like my phone calendar does. You don't have to go full Happy Planner if you don't want to, Dollar Tree has simple annual daily planners. ladies, and men who MENstruate (sorry, I had to do it...) : this is how we keep track of our bodies. We do not use an app. And once our doctors are caught up, we destroy the record at the end of the year. Understand? Again, we're carrying water and emergency meds with us wherever we go now. If you need a smaller travel bottle to carry to keep your bag weight down, legit, go get one. This is, of course, in addition to all the other stuff you already have in your purse - your wallet, keys, purse essentials/emergency kit, makeup bag, and that's more electronics than you're used to, so you'll likely want to keep an extra battery pack and charging cords around, too... like I said, you're going to need a large purse to be analog. There's a reason things like mini backpacks were popular purses in the 2000's. As for where to get these things? Books & music - check out your local library (even if you don't want to borrow, my library has a sale room where you can purchase used media cheap to support the library), local thrift stores, local used & overstock bookstores, flea markets, Little Free Libraries... Puzzle books, jigsaw puzzles, simple journals/notebooks/planners, and stationary - Dollar Tree has been the go-to for years. Remember, you can order by the case and ship-to-store for free from Dollartree.com (they didn't pay me to say any of that, I actually do it myself and find it useful). If a case is too much for you to use, go in on it with your Analog Bag group. Craft projects - Michael's or even Dollar Tree is sure to have what you're looking for, but keep your eyes open while thrifting, so many people donate supplies and kits that seemed like a great idea at the time when they bought it. Art Supplies - Michael's and even Dollar Tree also has these, but basically every mid-sized city has an independent art supplies store that's revered in the creative community, you likely want to go there to get the best supplies at the best price. Alright, you have all my best tips for going analog, now go live your best offline life!

I allowed my brother and his wife and in-laws to enter the house. It's all my fault. He was especially mad that as he sat on my bed glaring, there was all kinds of boxes and crinkly paper he missed out on. I ruined Crimus. I am the Grinchiest Mumma. He was very fierce to my hand this morning, he's still mad. The rest of us had a lovely Christmas Eve, thank you.

TW: weight loss, weight gain, dieting, food addiction, exercise & injury, weight loss medication, medical trauma & grief processing. Disclaimer - this blog is un-monetized, and I have not been paid to feature any of the products I have linked here. I just really like them and actually use them myself. This whole blogging my life experience thing is making me very introspective, which means I'm making connections as to why x and y happened the way they did... And I realized over the past couple of days that I managed to lose 50+ lbs over the past year, at 43 years old (remember, we stop producing collagen at 40), and with the exception of a little bit in my inner thighs, I don't have loose skin. Update: I officially have a crepe-y FUPA! My GI issues keep me bloated enough to mask it, turns out. This doesn't surprise me, though, this is the area I've used for decades to gauge my size fluctuations, as it gave me a slight "apron belly." It's still very minor crepe-ing for the fat that area held, and I absolutely stand by everything I'm saying here. The whole rotten hip joint thing doesn't make me want to model for an updated picture (though it might happen tonight for Christmas, watch this space), but allow me to paint a picture with words on the progression of my hips... I have to take it all the way back to puberty, when I was eating the Seventh-Day Adventist diet, which is heavy in unfermented soy, dairy, eggs, and nuts... I happen to be allergic to all of those things. Which caused me some whack-a-doodle puberty hormones that earned me the "spare tire," an estrogenic fat distribution from FUPA to hip to upper buttocks, as well as a 38K cup. From my teen years to my late 30's, my hips were around 52", with a 38" waist. I've always had a very dramatic hourglass shape. Nothing I did touched this. I have been a year-round daily walker, I'd put in miles every day, it never touched my hips. In 2018, two things happened with my health - I was given the go-ahead to take The Pill continuously to skip my periods, and I added 30 minutes of daily strength training to my regular walks. The extra estrogen and the extra muscle let me lose a lot of the fat, 29" total worth of it, but I never lost my hips. Nearly 100 weighted squats every day does give you a whole lot of muscle bulk, I looked great from the back. But, I still had what everyone called "shelf hips." All that exercise came to a screeching halt with my first spine surgery in 2021. And I didn't change my diet, because I went from eating to sustain calories to eating to sustain stress and grief... the classic injured athlete's story. And this time, my blood pressure just started getting crazy high, like hypertensive crisis 24/7. Because Meloxicam, the gold standard in anti-inflammatories, can raise your blood pressure, my hypertension lost me my prescription, in October 2023... the worst month of the year for inflammation. It led me to eliminating common inflammatories from my diet, which worked so well it got me an allergist and formal allergy testing for the first time in my life at 41 years old. I also lost 30lbs very easily on the elimination diet, but when I was told I could add gluten and potatoes back in, the stress and grief eating kicked in again right about the time perimenopause did, and I put the 30lbs right back on, with another 20 for kicks. And for the first time in my life, it was the dreaded abdominal fat. So, I went to my doctor for help. Fun fact, Wegovy isn't just cleared to treat diabetes and obesity, it's also cleared to treat high blood pressure caused by either of those conditions as a comorbidity. Which meant that I got one of the earliest prescriptions in November 2024. I worked my way up to the maintenance dose. That single dose was what shut my digestive system down completely. I was throwing up food I had eaten 18 hours before. It took about 3 days for it to kick on again, and my large intestine never got there. This was after only losing 5lbs in 3 months. I noped out real hard after that, so my PCP sent me over to their office's PharmD to discuss other options... and I landed on Contrave. It works on the food addiction aspect - for me, it hands the "I'm hungry" button back to my body and its caloric and nutritional needs, and not my dopamine and it's desires. Between that halving my meal portions and eliminating my snacking, and not eating the foods I'm allergic to (and taking it easy on the bread and potatoes), I've not just dropped the 50lbs, I've dropped the shelf hips. I have 43" hips right now, and they're still shrinking. When I was strength training, they were around 45" at their smallest. This past January, they were 53". Yes, I do look like I had a BBL removed 😅😅 Okay, you're all caught up now, let's actually get down to the subject of the post. You may or may not remember when collagen was "the" skincare ingredient of 2024. The "glass skin" look is achieved with collagen masks, it's in every viral serum and moisturizer, hell, it's even in my Kojic acid soap bar. And you may or may not remember the stats on collagen, about how we start to decrease our natural production around 20, and how we basically stop producing it at all at 40. As someone who had their first joint operation at 39, this was not a comforting fact. So, I started putting collagen peptides in my coffee every morning. As well as taking 1000mg of Vitamin C, mostly because the VitronC I take for my iron doesn't quite have enough Vitamin C to prevent the gut issues, but I definitely noticed that the collagen is working a lot more effectively, too. Like, growing my hair at a rate of 2" a month effectively. And you know I'm hydrated. Water and daily electrolytes play a huge role in my health in general, skin included. So, every single day of my weight loss, I started my day (still do, of course), by drinking 24 oz of water with a double shot of electrolytes (Benefiber got added in after I got a pelvic floor therapist in the late summer), as I brew my coffee and add 4 teaspoons of collagen peptides powder to it along with my barista-style oat milk. I also take my prescriptions (with my first meal) and supplements (with my second meal) with 24oz of water and a shot of electrolytes, so that's nine cups of water with electrolytes guaranteed every day. I've also added one more glass with Benefiber around 7pm, for my gut health. I do have some serious stretch marks on my hips, but after 30 years of putting my skin through all of that? I expect scars. I'm covered in scars. Scars and tattoos. Life happens. But, my 43 year old skin is juicy enough that it's springing right back into shape with this regimen. A surgeon wouldn't have enough of my skin to lift, on my face or anywhere (but my giant tits, and that little bit at the inside of my thighs). Not to be catty, but there are certain celebrities half my age that can't say that... So, my recommendation to my fellow Over 40 crowd - if you're looking at a significant weight loss, no matter how you do it, make sure you boost your collagen and hydration throughout the process. You will thank me later. By the way, this round of weight loss has given me the literal proportions of a Barbie doll if she were sized up to human correctly. I am that tall, my legs are that long, and my boobs actually lost all their density but gained a cup size.