I took my walker into the kitchen last night to take my bedtime meds, and got halfway back to my bedroom before realizing my walker was still parked in the kitchen 😅😅 Guess I'm feeling better! That one muscle is still prone to tightening up, but frequent, gentle stretching and Robaxin loosen it up again pretty quickly. And, I'm off the Oxy! Down to just my usual pre-surgery pain combo, hooray!! Thankfully, at-home PT exercises are going well, because we're in the middle of a two day blizzard, and I've already called off tomorrow's appointment in favor of hunkering down 😅😅 Brace yourself for TMI lady stuff... I'm just a couple of days away from week five off The Pill, and so far... nothing. Not a drop of menstrual fluid. That doesn't mean it still couldn't happen, but... the freak period I had during my cerebrospinal fluid leak in 2023 might have been it? 🤞🏼🤞🏼 Now, I do take daily Omega 3-6-9 supplements that include Evening Primrose Oil and Flax Seed Oil, both are highly estrogenic, they may be taking up the slack. Especially since I also eat a lot of ground flax seed, as I'm allergic to egg and use it to bind my baked goods. But I have my annual physical with my PCP next month, and I do believe perimenopause will be topic number one, yes even before the fresh hip replacement and podiatrist report (I see them next month, too). And I plan on staying off The Pill until that appointment, give her a good baseline read for any blood work she may order about that.

Pain levels in that muscle are a lot better today, so I took that shower, did a steam treatment on my hair with chebe butter, changed my clothes… Speaking of clothes, if you have that mesh incision covering kind of “suture” holding your incision together while it heals, the smooth polyester “Adidas” style track pants are best for both being able to slide your butt over clingier fabrics like cotton blankets or upholstery as you’re getting in and out of furniture pieces, and for not catching on that mesh. I was wearing a pair that had a light thermal lining that was just a little fuzzy inside until today, and it caught a bit on the mesh. Not bad enough that I didn’t wear the pants for a couple days straight, but bad enough that my actual fleece sweatpants are definitely not getting worn until the mesh is off. Otherwise, I’m just doing the usual bed — > recliner —> bathroom shuffle, eating, sleeping, petting cats, and keeping up with my meds. Tomorrow is two weeks post op already!

The cats are getting to the point where they insist I get back to my mom duties. Including having a fully functioning lap. Which, it is, as long as there’s quite a lot of pillow or blanket cushion. One of the muscles in my thigh, around the implant, is very stiff and sore today, so I’ve been doing my PT stretches and taking Robaxin to keep it from clamping down, and otherwise resting. STILL no shower, lol! But I did get to my manicure just now: I remember doing my fingernails around the same time I did that disasterous pedicure… three weeks ago? Sheesh. Collagen Peptides & Vitamin C supplements, ladies & gentlemen! And here’s Milosh being fierce to my hand, pre-manicure. I must be reminded of the fierceness that protects this house regularly.

Woke up with this playing in my head... Complete TMI: The Activated Charcoal from Monday cleared out of my system last night before bed. I am now at the point where I am the least bloated I have been at any point since my most recent weight loss. It's... wild. I haven't been anywhere near this size since my spine went bad in 2020. I need to re-take my measurements. Today is PT, then a shower and hair treatment. It's a beautiful, sunny day, I'm in a great mood, and I'm honestly kind of shocked I feel this human at a week and a half post op. Otherwise, it's pretty apparent, even as I'm clearly getting stronger by the day, that I went off my pain meds for a few days over the weekend, so the rest of the time today is going to be hitting that balance between rest and healing movement.

I took this picture last night, right before putting my bonnet on. This is slightly damp hair, dry enough I knew it would finish drying in the bonnet, after a good wash, scalp oiling, chebe butter application, and steam treatment, plus 4 hours of air drying. I didn’t clump the curls after the steam treatment, but you can still see I have the entire range of the C pattern on my head. Also, I have significant shrinkage, when this is stretched it’s perfectly sitting at shoulder length. Final result of post-op hair preservation methods: full success. Now, there’s been zero growth over the past week, and yes, my hair grows fast enough that I do see noticeable growth in just a week. Understandable, my hip is a lot more important to put the nutrients towards right now. But my body didn’t shed hair to take the resources of growth off the pressure of repairing bone. It just… forgot about the hair for a minute. Even after 48 hours of zero calorie consumption, I had enough nutrients in reserve to still heal my leg and not sacrifice my hair for it. And my ends are still pristine from the cut they got a week and a half ago now, thanks to regular spray-in conditioner and wearing a bonnet 24/7. So, how am I attaining this biological feat? First of all, I’ve been preparing my body for this for literally years. I was diagnosed with food allergies in 2024, and spent last year really gelling in my safe diet, which is a lot of whole, clean, unprocessed, nutritionally dense food. I also conquered my sugar addiction, which helped me build that nutritional base faster, and lose significant weight. And I have had a daily nutritional suppement routine for years. I discovered my electrolyte supplement in summer 2023, first summer post spinal cord injury and it got REAL obvious that the injury had drastically affected my heat tolerance and ability to dehydrate. I started dosing bovine collagen with my morning coffee a couple of months later, when the stats came out about how your body stops producing collagen altogether at 40, just as I have a follow up MRI showing widespread moderate-severe degenerative disc disease at all levels of my spine. If you’re taking collagen, you need high dose vitamin C to go with. And that also helps with the absorption of the high-dose iron I apparently also need on the daily since the SCI… my doc wanted to try a maintenance dose last year, which resulted in a big chop at the end of September. And I also high dose a magnesium complex at bedtime for my migraines and sleep. When it comes to skin and haircare, the only other real step is to understand how to best use humectants and UV protection. And I’ve written a few posts about that already. This all now has me perfectly poised to join the hair growth year that the natural hair community is starting in February 1. Shoulder length is a very easy starting point to calculate from, February should be when my hair growth kicks in again, and February 1st is my FLOOFIEST son’s second birthday, so this is auspicious day to start a floofiness journey. Especially considering two years ago, Milosh was a preemie micro kitten no one thought would survive, and now he is the largest, FLOOFIEST boy. So, I hereby declare February 1, 2026-February 1, 2027 as Milosh’s Mumma gets FLOOFY year. Me and the boy are gonna match.

Do you really want to help your disabled friend, your Hispanic friend, your otherwise BIPOC friend, your Palestinian friend, your Jewish friend, your neurodivergent friend, your queer friend, your unhoused friend… That’s the question. That is what you ask them. And it’ll usually be something like sharing their mutual aid requests. I have never once had a successful online fundraiser, because I share the link everywhere I can possibly promote it, and then it dies. No shares means you reach no one and raise no funds. If someone you know as well as an acquaintance and know they’re honestly in need shares a personal fundraiser link, sharing it, whenever they share it, with a little “this is a good guy going through a rough patch, I’ve been watching this as it happens to them and they’re really doing a,b, and c, could you please spread the word about their fundraiser so they can get a leg up?” This is literally the minimum. It’s completely free, and takes no more than a minute from your day. And it is the most helpful thing you can do. And yet, we’ve gotten so weird about fundraising that some white trash bitch can call an autistic child a terrible slur, and raise thousands upon thousands of dollars in an online fundraiser because of her “free speech,” but someone fundraising for medical support can be completely ignored by people in their actual, offline life who claim to care about them. Medicaid is going away in a year for a lot of vulnerable disabled Americans, myself included. If you don’t want to perpetuate a literal genocide, you’re going to want to get comfortable with sharing your friends’ mutual aid requests so they can find donors. It will also look like sharing factual evidence and own voices media of people telling their stories and stating their needs (like this blog). If the friend you’re supporting isn’t up to assembling you a reading list, you need to educate yourself on where you obtain factual evidence and reliable own voices reporting. Again, barest minimum, find the subreddit on the topic, and start a thread with your questions. And actually consume the resources they give you, don’t have your AI cliffs notes it for you. Back in my Water Protector days, we had a speaker at a rally we put on who started his talk with three quick facts about the topic we were educating/protesting about. He had the crowd repeat them once or twice. And then he told them “now you have the facts, and you can share them with anyone.” And then he had them all pull out their phones and put the quick facts in a status update on their Facebook. Congratulations, you just did a actually useful act of resistance. You did it en masse, and you reached a lot of social circles with needed information. Easily the best rally speech I have ever hard. “I can’t be silent!” doesn’t mean posting anti-Trump AI slop. It means amplifying truth and educating people around you in real ways. Do better.

My “I didn’t pass out!” face. The surgical dressing has been removed (forgot to do that Saturday, whoops), and the first shower has been taken! I even got a good scalp oiling and chebe in! I’m recouping from what I forgot was the most exhausting shower ever with a one hour steam treatment in bed. I’ve also kept down all food and meds all day, and cancelled my urology follow-up, because correcting my pelvic tilt cleared that problem up right away. I still have a little bit of a feels hangover from yesterday, but today’s gone well! This might be the most human I’ve felt at this point post-op, setbacks over the weekend notwithstanding.

Y’all. I might actually shower today. FOUR doses of activated charcoal every two hours yesterday finally quelled the Mentos & Pepsi reaction in my guts, and completely soaking through my nightgown twice while getting that 15 hours of sleep on top of that got the rest out… Today, I’ve so far kept down two “sports drinks,” two mugs of electrolyte-spiked bone broth, and about five saltines with a little hummus. I’m about to try the white rice and cod I couldn’t hold down yesterday. Speaking of rice and cod bowls, my mom got on a single-serving meals in a small rice cooker video kick, so she bought a little rice cooker. Expect a series of rice cooker meals on my recipe blog! Anyway, food on the stomach means I can get back on my meds schedule, hallelujah! Going off the pain meds at 5 days post major joint replacement was interesting. Not nearly as bad as when they hauled me out of bed two hours out of recovery to teach me how to do stairs, but definitely not not painful. But let me tell you, gas pain is 1000X more painful than sutures in your muscles. Not having the blood thinners for a couple of days was a bit worrying, too. My mom was worried I had a clot in my guts or something. I did not. Dehydration + stress gave me a migraine with it, too, that I couldn’t medicate, so that wasn’t fun, either. But, I’m already feeling a lot less shaky than I was this morning, and I think I’m at around six or eight full sweat-outs at this point since this time last week, so that shower is needed. I’m also already a lot more mobile. My PT sent me home with literal “baby steps,” proto-step movements to practice, with the goal of a short stride by today. I’m actually already normal striding with my walker, and even stepping away a few steps here and there. I can also already get up from a low chair or toilet by myself, so I’m finally out in the recliner and not in my height-boosted bed. That’s doing a lot for my mood, not being so isolated from the rest of the family. Penelope prefers me in bed, but she’s not too mad about it.

If you're interested in learning more about this dream phenomenon, check out Reddit's r/TheMallWorld You may or may not be the kind of highly online person who knows about the phenomenon of what's being called "Mall World," what seems to be a shared dreamspace for thousands of thousands of people where the dreams themselves are not recurring at all, but occur in the same dream places (a mall is a prominent feature, but so are a few schools, an airport, a fancy hotel, a hospital, a beach with tsunamis (don't ask, but we're all there vacationing for some reason), and generally a childhood home factors in as a home base, too. And the dreams aren't recurring, but they feature the same dream characters and everyone involved has shared past memories of prior dream happenings. This means a LOT of people are figuring out lucid dreaming, because you don't need small tells like being able to read, when this location is obviously Mall World, and that location is obviously physical reality, and therefore you can act accordingly. Inception got that wrong. I have a very firm grasp of when the laws of gravity matter, thank you. I've been a Mall World dreamer for three or maybe four years now, at least since spine surgery 4&5 in early 2023, possibly earlier, but after that is when I really started noticing Mall World. Anyway, if you've been following my posts over the past few days, you'll know I've been miserable, and because of that not sleeping. I finally got to the point where I passed out hard last night. 15 hours worth, with two wake-ups to change into a dry nightgown, and re-arrange the bedsheets so I'm not in the soaked spot. And, I think I had my future plan laid out for me. The dream started in my "Mall World Condo" as we're hosting a big party, like a holiday shindig, but a bunch of fighting breaks out, like a war, and because I'm the kind of lucid dreamer that can blow up tanks with my mind (and enjoy doing so, btw!), I locked our shit down, and told everyone to find a spot to sleep for the night, which, of course, I can create if needed, this is my Mind Palace after all... and the longer this went on, the more we enjoyed the lifestyle. And the longer it went on, the more kinds of people started coming in for refuge... we had people fostering special need babies, rescuing animals, etc, etc... And as we're creating our little bubble of serenity in the midst of chaos, a restaurant owner comes in, and wants to help us spread what we're doing... like, featured meals from our commune menu, cooking classes, etc... And then, we start producing our own products - food products, health & body care products, weed was definitely in there, I am yr Weed Auntie after all! And that brings us to corporate's attention, but in a way that makes us bloom, not get bought out and bastardized. It really felt like "pitching my idea to corporate" was more like presenting a PhD thesis to a board of high spirit guides or something, like I was proving my competency for the title and chance to move on. After this, I kept "waking up" into different parts of the future of the commune, and I kept having to ask "what year is this? How long have we been doing this?" because all of a sudden the foster babies are teens goofing around in the rec room, and I just woke up from diapering them. And a few of those wake-ups were travelling - staying in a Tibetan nunnery, riding a bullet train along a never-ending city night skyline, etc, etc... Ultimately, the commune itself was built on my "grandfather's land" - a real property from my childhood that my grandfather built himself from the cornerstone in the 50's, and his second wife convinced him to sell some 15 years ago. It's been a Mall World touchpoint for me this whole time. In both spaces it's in a rural area. And my "condo" in the city turned into the business HQ, with meeting rooms and treatment rooms, a big ol' teaching kitchen, and living space for the commune members who stay there to keep it up in-between time at Home Base. Can I say, my Mall World dreams up until now have been fucking stressful. Having a very laid-back life in my waking hours is about the only thing that kept me heading in every night. But this? I was BEGGING my spirit team to tell me how to make this happen IRL. And I did ask for specific date info, and it looks like 2036-2037 is when this could really happen, but I have to start now (which I have been doing with my recipe blog, and apparently now with this blog, too). And going back to the title... is this it? Do I get to have less stressful dreams now?? Please please please...

TW: American SSI Disability & Medicaid systems, discussion of mental health & stress, genocide & eugenics. Today is one week post-op. I was on the table exactly seven days ago right now. Today, I also was notified by US SSI Disability that my request to review my hearing from April 2025 has been denied. Which means I'm starting the application process over from scratch, for the third time in six years. Why was I denied last year? Because the "employment expert" at the hearing decided I could still be a receptionist, even though I have literally failed at being a receptionist because of my health problems, but that wasn't in the time-frame of this hearing, so it didn't count and I can obviously be a receptionist just fine now... never mind that receptionists jobs are going to AI now, anyway. They're waiting for me to die. I am officially too disabled to benefit capitalism, and too young to justify spending social security on, so they'll just let me waste in limbo until I die. You think I'm kidding? Tell that to the 30,000 Americans who died waiting for their case to go through in 2023. This is actual genocide and eugenics at work, that no one gives a shit about. At least I've had Medicaid this whole time, hence how I could get my hip replaced, but that's going away in exactly a year, so I will definitely face significant time without any health insurance now. So, uh, did I mention I have a Ko-fi for mutual aid? I haven't been able to earn anything since 2024. And I'm certainly not getting any help from the social security I paid into my whole career. And, of course, this is fabulous for my mental health as I'm recovering from a major body-altering surgery! Fuck.

I'm talking 3B/C, very fine, highly porous, medium volume hair that has always been too fragile to grow much past my shoulders. I've been in the Natural Hair Care movement since the very beginning (all the way back in 2014...), I grew out my grey hair four years ago, I do not heat style, only steam treat, and I started a caffeinated scalp cleanse & oiling growth journey and chebe length retention journey in August 2025... right before my hip went bed. I'm also a research & FAFO kind of AuDHDist in the Nina Pool kind of way, so I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to fragile hair like mine. After night 2 of sweating out gallons of water, anesthesia leftovers, and extra white blood cells before I could sleep, my hair and sleep bonnets were pretty bad this morning. And I'm still not quite up to a full shower, so here's how I've been tackling retaining my hair health while my body health goes temporarily to shit. I spoke a bit about the prep during the pre-op shower already, but here's the details: I did my normal scalp and hair cleanse with my Kojic acid soap before the Great Safeguard Scrubdown, I did not oil my scalp (better to let the follicles breathe if I'm not attending to my proper cleansing & exfoliating routine), I did apply my usual leave-in conditioner on the strands, but I "slugged" it in with 100% pure vegetable glycerine instead of chebe butter. I'll get back to the chebe in a week or two, when I have the strength to get into my full hair routine again. After that dried, I braided it into medium-tight dutch braid pigtails - tight enough to stay intact through a lot of jostling around, not so tight it causes hair loss. I also secured the ends with small rip-proof hair-tyes, something I don't always do, but again, we're going for longevity and end protection. My silk bonnet went on about the minute I got up to my room for the night and was cognizant of the fact, and it stayed on until I sweat it off Wednesday night. I wore a silk-lined beanie to PT over the braids yesterday, and another bonnet until I ripped it off my sweat-soaked head at around 3am today. So, I finally sat on the end of my bed and addressed my hair today. Here's how I tackled that: The braids were eased out very gently, and I worked out any obvious tangles or shed hairs with my fingers. I sectioned my hair off to give my scalp and roots a healthy spray with HOCL. Once my scalp was damp with the HOCL, I got my fingers under my hair to massage it in and make sure it's well-distributed on my head. That helps get rid of any bacterial growth from the sweat. I then used a detangler/leave-in conditioner to dampen my hair with the product pretty well. Once it was wet through, I combed the product through with a Tangle Teezer brush to remove any leftover snarls or shed hairs (which it does really well, btw). I love this SoCozy Kids detangler (not paid, I just do), but use whichever is your favorite. After the product dried, I used a silk hair-tye to pull my hair into a loose "pineapple" ponytail at the top of my head, and put a clean bonnet over my freshly detangled hair. And when it comes to the internal part of hair care: Electrolytes again ftw. The brand I use is a combo of deep sea minerals, and liquid B vitamin complex, and I have been POUNDING them. I've had two regular doses back on my VitronC (considering my post-op labs showed me as real fucking anemic in favor of the White Blood Cell blast, I wanted to get that corrected ASAP), Buffered Vitamin C, Omega 3-6-9 oils, and Magnesium glycinate. My morning coffee has changed while I'm recovering and doesn't lend well to my usual collagen dosing, but I'm drinking bone broth to keep up there. And just managing my pain and maintaining my caloric intake. My body wants SUGAR, not surprising, I can't take Naltrexone while I'm on the Oxy. I'm glad I stocked up on healthier sweet calorie sources, rather than just binging on any sweets, especially when we still have Christmas cookies in the freezer. And that I did all that meal planning! Moment of truth time, then! Did I lose any length or volume to stress shed during 4.5 days of healing major surgical trauma? Nope. That's half a week of shed. Zero breakage. In other post-op news, the pain is starting to kick in where the muscles were cut and stitched, and just general suture pain. All to be expected, all controlled well enough, all will be gone in a week, I know... but it's not super fun accidentally touching the leg and my body is like "what kind of pain signal are we even supposed to go for here??" The bruising, though, is healing really fast, it's gone from bright red to almost green in just a few days. I'm not complaining! And walking is getting easier, I'm even starting to get some baby follow-through with my steps if I'm on a straight course!

One of my favorite topics! TW: Corporate capitalism, influencer culture, medical surgery, plastic surgery, hygiene, survival living. Especially since it's been so twisted by corporate capitalism and influencer culture lately. I'm looking at you, TikTok. For instance, I just did a huge act of self care by consenting to a painful major surgery. And it wasn't a BBL just for the lewk, I'm really hoping my right leg sciatica that I've been getting steroid injections for for the past few years, as well as all the urinary and GI issues will resolve now that I don't have a shorter leg and pelvic tilt right over my naturally fused SI joint. That's self care, making sure your body is as healthy as possible. Considering the horror stories I've heard from BBL patients... getting a BBL is not "self care." Quite the opposite. And then there's the "hygiene influencers" who show everyone how to take the 3+ hour "everything shower" with their one of everything from Walmart's personal care aisle and Bath & Body Works, but many women won't soap up their labia or assholes because they were told "the vagina is a self-cleaning oven!" but that same person never bothered to explain what the vagina is, exactly. Meanwhile, actual hygiene definitely involves soap in those places... Are you "making motivational content" with your exercise and meal prep videos, or are you doing these things because you love your body, and want to help other people love their bodies, too? They are not the same thing, babes. One's motivated by money, the other by love. Both are energy vibrations. Money has a very low vibration, while love is the highest vibration of them all. You will get different results doing the exact same things with different motivations. Maybe you'll have the same physical appearance at the end, but you won't have the deep connection to your body to be truly within your body, not matter what, because you feel fully in control of your body. And that, is "self care." And do you know what people forget in our content and commerce driven culture? Rest. I highly recommend doing a deep dive into the work of Tricia Hersey. Not sponcon, I discovered her "Nap Ministry when she first brought it to Instagram probably 10+ years ago now. And, it healed my #girlboss soul. She writes for a Black Woman audience, but absolutely everyone under capitalism should be learning her philosophies. Why? Because creativity and rest go hand in hand. Creativity requires long periods of boredom for the innovation to happen, and more long periods of fucking around and finding out what you can do with that innovation. That takes a lot of down time from survival behaviors. And yet, here we all are, stuck in a social system that gives us no rest time, we need to spend all of our time on survival, and steal crumbs of time here and there, often at the expense of our sleep. No wonder we've been stuck in endless cycles of historical repetition over the past few decades. We're not allowed the time to dream of a future to be able to make a change. And that's exactly where corporate greed wants us, they want the power to dictate the future for us. Creativity is self care. Even if you're dancing in your bedroom with your blinds drawn, or scribbling in a sketchbook you never show anyone. You're putting yourself in the space for self-expression, and that builds up your creativity (and talent!) more and more. The more of us who do this, the closer we get to the Star Trek future. Let's get real about self-care again, and actually love on ourselves, not just follow consumer trends. Do you need to drink more water? Go on a daily walk to get your body moving and your mind right? Cut certain foods or drinks that just aren't worth what they do to your body anymore? Do you have to do some research and be your own medical advocate? Incorporate a bedtime routine to wind down and get better sleep? Set alarms to take your meds or supplements regularly? Set aside at least an hour a day to read or paint or work a puzzle? Take a class? Do a wardrobe refresh, or reset? Schedule regular social time with family and friends? Do it. You only get one body and one mind, and as someone who got the shit end of the stick for both from birth, it's so, so important to come at your physical interface from a place of love and care, not extreme discipline or extreme neglect.