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TW: addiction, recovery. People are on TikTok loading up tote bags with offline activities to curb their doom scrolling. I'm watching a compilation video on YouTube right now, where someone commented that they remind them of the "Kid Kits" from the Baby-Sitters Club series, but for grown-ups, which is pretty hilarious to Elder Millennial me. On that note, puff painting and bedazzling cotton totes from Michael's for personalized "Analog Bags" would make a great ladies' night... The point is to keep non-digital time occupying activities handy in a tote bag, so whenever you want to get off your phone, you can pick up the bag and quickly find something else to do. There seem to be two different kinds - the bag that stays at home, and the bag that's packed specifically for going out either alone or with friends. I think people are trying to do two things with this one trend - address their social media addictions, and start to separate themselves from smart phones in general by replacing the phone's function in their lives. And I think this issue would be best addressed from these two different angles, not all in one like people are trying to do. I'm saying this as someone who has been social media free since April, and has gone on large (I'm talking multiple years at a time) social media breaks, and pre-social media on long message board community breaks, for decades now. I don't have a particularly addictive personality. I have two addictions - sugar, and social media. And with addictions, you really need to just put it down and not pick it up again. You need to fully quit some apps. Get them off your phone, delete your account if you need to. You probably ask how people will be able to contact you, particularly if you don't necessarily want them to know your phone number? Get an independent messaging app. I use Signal, personally, but whatever you and your people use. Do Not Use Facebook Messenger. That's some of the biggest spyware out there. And it makes it too easy to get sucked back into the main app. You're probably also wondering how you're going to get your news? You have a few options - bookmarking your favorite journalism outlets on your web browser and making a habit of visiting them directly, following news podcasts or television/video journalism, or downloading a dedicated news reader app. Yes, this means that, unless you have a dedicated app or keep NPR in your headphones all day, you have to be in a certain place and at a certain time to access your news. Trust me, that is a lot healthier than our 24/7 hyper-awareness. This makes it a lot easier to find balance and boundaries with your news consumption, and you will find your mental health improves. The first two or three weeks are rough. They take a lot of willpower. And it's probably going to make you pretty angry that you're having this intense of a reaction for so long to a fucking app. Good. Get angry. You should be angry. This is when having an analog bag full of distractions is useful. I also recommend cooking all your meals from scratch during this time. That makes time go by fast. This is also a great time to start an exercise routine, or really start focusing in on the one you already have. Centering yourself back in your physical body helps a lot during the digital DTs. Now, what's in an Analog Bag? Like I said, there seems to be two versions, one that stays home, and one that goes out. The "Indoor Bag" is more like a hobby bag, whereas the "Outdoor Bag" is basically breaking out the smartphone into its analog components. The content portion of these bags on TikTok is in a "what's in my bag?" format, and as for the kinds of things you can put in these bags, the influencers are suggesting items like... Their current read, and/or the next book on their TBR pile. The focus is on physical copies, but especially if you have an e-reader that doesn't have an app function, there's no reason to not keep a digital reader in here, too. Knitting, crochet, cross-stitch, and embroidery projects. If you're into making small, easy, repetitive things, may I suggest hats and blankets for your local NICU? Knots of Love has both knit and crochet patterns available for free! Your local homeless shelters also appreciate donations of hats, scarves, mittens, and blankets, any time, but especially when it starts getting cold in the fall. Portable art kits, sketchbooks and pen/pencil sets. Watercolor sets with the water pens seem to be very popular. Adult coloring books and pens/pencils. Puzzle books: crossword, word find, sudoku, etc. Don't forget pencils and erasers. Jigsaw puzzles. Lego sets. A deck of cards for Solitaire games. Not for everyone, but a deck of tarot cards, instructional book, and tarot journal would be a great addition, if learning to read tarot has been on your list for awhile. Bullet Journals, free-form journals, planners, scrapbooking materials. Stationary & stamps for letter and card writing. A watch (NOT a smartwatch), or a small alarm clock to keep in your bag, so you can check the time without checking your phone. Same with a calculator, if you think you'll need one. An Mp3 player and small Bluetooth speaker/headphones or earbuds. I don't know about you, but I need background noise for all of the above. If this is something you want to get in the habit of carrying around as you move around your house throughout the day, also include a water bottle, and your emergency meds. Actually, if you're awful about remembering to take your meds, put all of your meds in your bag. Same goes for your supplements. We're fostering good habits here, right? Just be sure to be safe about it - if your meds are controlled, or if you have young kids, niblings, or grandkids, make sure the meds are in a locked med bag. You can get med bags at any pharmacy. same with any disposable products you may use to handle your menstruation or incontinence. And maybe an extra pair of underwear. You don't know when you'll be down in the kitchen when all of a sudden OOPS, and everything you need is in the upstairs bathroom. Why yes, these are all great things to include in a surgery bag to keep you occupied in a hospital bed, too! Obviously, you'll be picking and choosing what goes in your bag based on your own needs, interests and abilities. I recommend picking 1-2 major activities and maybe 1-2 smaller ones, not loading the bag down. You don't need to overwhelm yourself by feeling like you have to get to everything in your bag - this is fun, not work. You'll also be swapping things out as you complete them, so you can take a break from knitting to cross-stitch that one pattern you found, or swap out your jigsaw puzzle for a sudoku book pretty regularly. In addition to the above - both ukuleles and electric keyboards are affordable new and downright cheap used, and both are very easy to teach yourself with online tutorials. I also recommend dance tutorials, if you have the body for it - trying to teach myself the Charleston from YouTube was a red flag that Something Was Wrong With My Legs, tbh. And taking a single adult ballet class let me know it was time for a new hip... dance is diagnostic! Speaking of dance class... go take a class. Check out places like your local library, local cooking school, local STEAM and nature centers, local arts academy, etc, etc... you can learn a new hobby in person, with other people. And, you know... make in-person friends. Spend time in the physical presence of other humans. Check out what kinds of local groups and meetups are out there, too. If you're planning on needing a large bag for all your yarn, one of the local coffee shops in my area hosts a weekly Fiber Arts Meetup. Might as well bring the bag you already packed, get a cuppa something, and work on your project with other yarn artists. If you'd rather play the kind of card games that take more than one person, half my neighborhood plays Euchre at the local Conservation Club on Sunday nights (go ahead, guess which state I'm from). Speaking of in-person time together, I also suggest organizing a group of Analog Bag users to get together once a month or maybe every other month to swap the Analog Bag things they aren't using anymore - lightly used, all pieces included Lego sets and jigsaw puzzles, unused craft and scrapbooking supplies, read books you don't want to hang on to, finished art or crafts you don't want to hang on to, etc, etc... If this sounds really interesting, and you want to know more about how this would work, up in the right-hand corner, under "AuntieLinks," you'll find that aforementioned Signal contact - drop me a message, I have organized swaps big and small, and have lots of tips and advice for new swap organizers! Now, the "Outside Bag" - aka your purse. You're not going to want to haul two bags around everywhere, trust me. Much easier to use a larger purse to store your analog things. Also much easier to carry around a large bag as your primary when you have smaller "ditto bag" pouches to corral all the small things that would otherwise get lost at the bottom of the bag. Jane Birkin may have been okay with losing things to the abyss, but I can't have that thing be my migraine rescue meds, I can't be quite so quirky about carrying a large bag. So, what are the components of an "Analog Purse"? Mp3 player. Nowadays, they're all Bluetooth compatible, so it's not like you need corded headphones/earbuds, but they are a more obvious signal to others that you can't hear them. Book or eReader. Whatever your current read is on. This is something, especially if you're reading a physical copy, that you'll have to remember to move from one bag to the other. If you don't know if you can reliably do that, I recommend keeping a book of short stories or essays in your purse that you can read through one story or essay per appointment wait time, two if they're late. if you're looking to entertain children in waiting rooms, or drunk friends in bars, keeping a book of icebreaker questions, or riddles, or trivia to read out loud is also a good idea. You can usually find them in the novelty books section. A puzzle book, as well as pencils and erasers to work them with. Craft project. Again, if you can't reliably remember to keep switching your main project from bag to bag, keeping one of those little amigurumi, or small cross stitch pattern kits that have everything included in your purse is smart. Travel art supplies/kit. Again, a dedicated mini set for your purse is recommended, separate from your full set at home. A stim toy. Do you really need a full distraction, or do you just need something repetitive to do with your hands? A calculator, especially if you have dyscalculia like I do. A dedicated purse watch. Speaking of Jane Birkin, she looped hers around the handle of her purse so it was handy. A digital or film camera. Don't forget to have a backup memory card, or backup roll of film, too. A planner, and/or a notebook or journal. Here's where my ADHD is going to keep me on my phone - I will likely start keeping a paper planner in 2026. But it doesn't make noises at me like my phone calendar does. You don't have to go full Happy Planner if you don't want to, Dollar Tree has simple annual daily planners. ladies, and men who MENstruate (sorry, I had to do it...) : this is how we keep track of our bodies. We do not use an app. And once our doctors are caught up, we destroy the record at the end of the year. Understand? Again, we're carrying water and emergency meds with us wherever we go now. If you need a smaller travel bottle to carry to keep your bag weight down, legit, go get one. This is, of course, in addition to all the other stuff you already have in your purse - your wallet, keys, purse essentials/emergency kit, makeup bag, and that's more electronics than you're used to, so you'll likely want to keep an extra battery pack and charging cords around, too... like I said, you're going to need a large purse to be analog. There's a reason things like mini backpacks were popular purses in the 2000's. As for where to get these things? Books & music - check out your local library (even if you don't want to borrow, my library has a sale room where you can purchase used media cheap to support the library), local thrift stores, local used & overstock bookstores, flea markets, Little Free Libraries... Puzzle books, jigsaw puzzles, simple journals/notebooks/planners, and stationary - Dollar Tree has been the go-to for years. Remember, you can order by the case and ship-to-store for free from Dollartree.com (they didn't pay me to say any of that, I actually do it myself and find it useful). If a case is too much for you to use, go in on it with your Analog Bag group. Craft projects - Michael's or even Dollar Tree is sure to have what you're looking for, but keep your eyes open while thrifting, so many people donate supplies and kits that seemed like a great idea at the time when they bought it. Art Supplies - Michael's and even Dollar Tree also has these, but basically every mid-sized city has an independent art supplies store that's revered in the creative community, you likely want to go there to get the best supplies at the best price. Alright, you have all my best tips for going analog, now go live your best offline life!

I allowed my brother and his wife and in-laws to enter the house. It's all my fault. He was especially mad that as he sat on my bed glaring, there was all kinds of boxes and crinkly paper he missed out on. I ruined Crimus. I am the Grinchiest Mumma. He was very fierce to my hand this morning, he's still mad. The rest of us had a lovely Christmas Eve, thank you.

TW: weight loss, weight gain, dieting, food addiction, exercise & injury, weight loss medication, medical trauma & grief processing. Disclaimer - this blog is un-monetized, and I have not been paid to feature any of the products I have linked here. I just really like them and actually use them myself. This whole blogging my life experience thing is making me very introspective, which means I'm making connections as to why x and y happened the way they did... And I realized over the past couple of days that I managed to lose 50+ lbs over the past year, at 43 years old (remember, we stop producing collagen at 40), and with the exception of a little bit in my inner thighs, I don't have loose skin. Update: I officially have a crepe-y FUPA! My GI issues keep me bloated enough to mask it, turns out. This doesn't surprise me, though, this is the area I've used for decades to gauge my size fluctuations, as it gave me a slight "apron belly." It's still very minor crepe-ing for the fat that area held, and I absolutely stand by everything I'm saying here. The whole rotten hip joint thing doesn't make me want to model for an updated picture (though it might happen tonight for Christmas, watch this space), but allow me to paint a picture with words on the progression of my hips... I have to take it all the way back to puberty, when I was eating the Seventh-Day Adventist diet, which is heavy in unfermented soy, dairy, eggs, and nuts... I happen to be allergic to all of those things. Which caused me some whack-a-doodle puberty hormones that earned me the "spare tire," an estrogenic fat distribution from FUPA to hip to upper buttocks, as well as a 38K cup. From my teen years to my late 30's, my hips were around 52", with a 38" waist. I've always had a very dramatic hourglass shape. Nothing I did touched this. I have been a year-round daily walker, I'd put in miles every day, it never touched my hips. In 2018, two things happened with my health - I was given the go-ahead to take The Pill continuously to skip my periods, and I added 30 minutes of daily strength training to my regular walks. The extra estrogen and the extra muscle let me lose a lot of the fat, 29" total worth of it, but I never lost my hips. Nearly 100 weighted squats every day does give you a whole lot of muscle bulk, I looked great from the back. But, I still had what everyone called "shelf hips." All that exercise came to a screeching halt with my first spine surgery in 2021. And I didn't change my diet, because I went from eating to sustain calories to eating to sustain stress and grief... the classic injured athlete's story. And this time, my blood pressure just started getting crazy high, like hypertensive crisis 24/7. Because Meloxicam, the gold standard in anti-inflammatories, can raise your blood pressure, my hypertension lost me my prescription, in October 2023... the worst month of the year for inflammation. It led me to eliminating common inflammatories from my diet, which worked so well it got me an allergist and formal allergy testing for the first time in my life at 41 years old. I also lost 30lbs very easily on the elimination diet, but when I was told I could add gluten and potatoes back in, the stress and grief eating kicked in again right about the time perimenopause did, and I put the 30lbs right back on, with another 20 for kicks. And for the first time in my life, it was the dreaded abdominal fat. So, I went to my doctor for help. Fun fact, Wegovy isn't just cleared to treat diabetes and obesity, it's also cleared to treat high blood pressure caused by either of those conditions as a comorbidity. Which meant that I got one of the earliest prescriptions in November 2024. I worked my way up to the maintenance dose. That single dose was what shut my digestive system down completely. I was throwing up food I had eaten 18 hours before. It took about 3 days for it to kick on again, and my large intestine never got there. This was after only losing 5lbs in 3 months. I noped out real hard after that, so my PCP sent me over to their office's PharmD to discuss other options... and I landed on Contrave. It works on the food addiction aspect - for me, it hands the "I'm hungry" button back to my body and its caloric and nutritional needs, and not my dopamine and it's desires. Between that halving my meal portions and eliminating my snacking, and not eating the foods I'm allergic to (and taking it easy on the bread and potatoes), I've not just dropped the 50lbs, I've dropped the shelf hips. I have 43" hips right now, and they're still shrinking. When I was strength training, they were around 45" at their smallest. This past January, they were 53". Yes, I do look like I had a BBL removed 😅😅 Okay, you're all caught up now, let's actually get down to the subject of the post. You may or may not remember when collagen was "the" skincare ingredient of 2024. The "glass skin" look is achieved with collagen masks, it's in every viral serum and moisturizer, hell, it's even in my Kojic acid soap bar. And you may or may not remember the stats on collagen, about how we start to decrease our natural production around 20, and how we basically stop producing it at all at 40. As someone who had their first joint operation at 39, this was not a comforting fact. So, I started putting collagen peptides in my coffee every morning. As well as taking 1000mg of Vitamin C, mostly because the VitronC I take for my iron doesn't quite have enough Vitamin C to prevent the gut issues, but I definitely noticed that the collagen is working a lot more effectively, too. Like, growing my hair at a rate of 2" a month effectively. And you know I'm hydrated. Water and daily electrolytes play a huge role in my health in general, skin included. So, every single day of my weight loss, I started my day (still do, of course), by drinking 24 oz of water with a double shot of electrolytes (Benefiber got added in after I got a pelvic floor therapist in the late summer), as I brew my coffee and add 4 teaspoons of collagen peptides powder to it along with my barista-style oat milk. I also take my prescriptions (with my first meal) and supplements (with my second meal) with 24oz of water and a shot of electrolytes, so that's nine cups of water with electrolytes guaranteed every day. I've also added one more glass with Benefiber around 7pm, for my gut health. I do have some serious stretch marks on my hips, but after 30 years of putting my skin through all of that? I expect scars. I'm covered in scars. Scars and tattoos. Life happens. But, my 43 year old skin is juicy enough that it's springing right back into shape with this regimen. A surgeon wouldn't have enough of my skin to lift, on my face or anywhere (but my giant tits, and that little bit at the inside of my thighs). Not to be catty, but there are certain celebrities half my age that can't say that... So, my recommendation to my fellow Over 40 crowd - if you're looking at a significant weight loss, no matter how you do it, make sure you boost your collagen and hydration throughout the process. You will thank me later. By the way, this round of weight loss has given me the literal proportions of a Barbie doll if she were sized up to human correctly. I am that tall, my legs are that long, and my boobs actually lost all their density but gained a cup size.

As far as my youngest, floofiest son is concerned, "Crimus" is the funny, sparkly not tree we hang toys on that he can't play with but that he can sleep under on a soft blankie. His name is Milosh, by the way. This is the second post he's been in, and I don't think I've properly introduced him yet... My Christmas Spirit has been a bit lacking this year, for obvious reasons. We usually try to catch at least one holiday concert or show, that didn't happen this year. I haven't really been in the mood for Christmas movies or music, either. It's left me with a lot of time to dwell on all the things that made the holidays special when I was a kid that really don't exist anymore - the family trip to the mall to see Santa, and Tillie the Talking Christmas Tree? The mall that had Tillie was bulldozed and built over years ago now. The Christmas Day road trip to visit family downstate? All deceased. Only one lives down there anymore, and she prefers to come up to the city for holidays. The Christmas movie? Thanks, Covid. I think I'll take boring Christmas to overbooked Christmas, though... I remember how burned out I was during Career Girl Christmases, when my work doubled or tripled as my social obligations did the same. We'd go absolutely overboard with festivity to juice ourselves up to get through it. And then we'd barrel right into events season, it wasn't like we had a break afterwards. I definitely miss being functional and capable and certainly miss having a steady paycheck, but there are a lot of toxic elements of corporate culture I don't miss at all. Anyway, here we are at Christmas Eve Eve, and that went by a lot faster than expected! Turns out blogging is a great hyperfocus to timesuck into, heh. This is also t-minus 13 days to new hip. Thank heavens, it's getting really bad, and I am weary. By the way, the best way to win Whameggedon is to not go out and not listen to the radio 😅😅 Speaking of, it's almost time for my playlist to shine!! A little history here - the real "War on Christmas" is my family's Christmas music preferences. My mom wants it as traditional as possible - 1960's Mormon Tabernacle Choir traditional. My grandma would prefer a little poppier - your Andy Williams, and Bing Crosby with The Andrews Sisters. My dad despises all of that, and will only listen to Mannheim Steamroller, Trans Siberian Orchestra, and Lindsey Stirling. Meanwhile, me and my brother like weird novelty songs that my mom has always claimed have ruined Christmas completely for her. So, I made a playlist for our family's Christmas Eve celebrations, where the first couple of hours is a mix acceptable to the older half of the family, and the second part is for the younger. I also went ahead and made the second half play you through all of Whameggedon to full immunity. Happy Hannukah to all! Also, there is no Mariah on this playlist. There is one cover, it’s a “good” one. One song about how that song ruined Christmas, too.

If there's a word for 2025, it'd be "hygiene." All of a sudden, thanks to people talking about it openly on the internet, women especially are learning what no one bothered to teach us before. Which means we're beating the hormonal stank in ways our mothers and grandmothers didn't. But, one thing that all the hygiene influencers I've seen have in common is hair removal - they all shave their body hair. I stopped removing my body hair altogether after my last spine surgery. The spinal cord bruising makes me dizzy, and the drop foot in my right leg makes me unstable. I could sit, sure, but between showering, skincare, and haircare, personal grooming is exhausting, seated or not. If it's not essential for my health and well-being, I'm not wasting my spoons on it. Oh, and because all of that is exhausting, I'm not doing it every day... more like every 2-3 days, if I'm feeling good. Up to a week in between when it gets bad. So, I need to know how to keep up without a full shower, as well. And, we've established that I've followed a crunchified personal care regimen since I was a pre-teen, which means I'm doing this with natural, often homemade or single-ingredient products. So, let's break down hairy bit by hairy bit how to stay smelling sweet without maintaining hair removal in the process. Again, this is not a monetized blog, and these are not paid endorsements! I genuinely like and buy these products! The Soap: The base of all of this is a good antibacterial soap. I happen to be a Safeguard Bar Soap girlie. I find it gentle enough to use everywhere, everyday. Tattoo enthusiasts especially go for Dial Gold Soap. And basically everyone outside of the US will tell you to use Dettol Soap. Hibiclens comes up a lot, too, but that stuff makes me itch like fuck. I'm not too thrilled about the double wipedown in it in a couple of weeks as is. And please do not put Hibiclens in your crotch or on your face! The Genitalia: Okay, this has come up a lot lately, and it's shocking how many women don't know this. What's the point of sex ed if whole grandmothers don't know this?? The "vagina" is the inside part of the women's genitalia. The tube between the labia and the cervix. The labia is the outside part, the bits with the clitoris and all the folds and such. And then the Mons Pubis is over that, that's the hairy part. Now, apparently gynecologists have been telling their patients "the vagina is a self-cleaning oven" for years, likely in an attempt to get them to stop douching with Lysol: You thought that was an exaggeration? Problem being, because "vagina" has become slang for the female genitalia as a whole, women are hearing this and not washing their labia & Mons Pubis, for it is all "vagina" and therefore a self-cleaning oven. Ladies, please use any of the soaps named above on your vulva. If a tampon touches it while in use, don't put soap there, but otherwise, it needs soap and water. Using a washcloth for this task makes it extra effective. That goes for your butthole, too, just going to say it. Soap's got to go there, and it's got to be rinsed off properly, too. I have always insisted on having a "shower massage head" purely for the detachable shower head so I can get lots of water rinsing down there. I tried a Tushy bidet, and while it worked on me, it flushed all the fecal matter under the toilet seat, so... I find a portable bidet is better, but YMMV on that one. Baby wipes. I see influencers using Dickinson's witch hazel wipes which are wonderful but hella expensive, or wipes from small companies which look great... but baby wipes are the same thing, for half the cost. The teddy bears on rocking horses on the package do not bother me. When I was a working woman and didn't want to carry a whole package of baby wipes around with me, I bought individually wrapped wipes from Always. Nowadays, you can get wipes for just about everything and in every kind of packaging from Dollar Tree. Hypochlorous acid or HOCL - I find that when I need a little "oomph" to the wipe, I give it a couple of sprays of HOCL before using it. I will also spritz the crotch of my panties if they're starting to get ripe, the HOCL kills the bacteria making the smell. Lavender essential oil. Okay, this is a "use at your discretion" kind of tip - I always made sure to not wear it to my annual so my gyno could make sure my body's scent was normal, but I forgot one time and she said the habit was perfectly fine as long as it didn't cause any irritation. That being said, you may want to discuss it with your own gyno before trying it. Anyway, you put one drop of lavender essential oil into the crotch of your panties, neat. Do not do this if you're wearing an adhesive pad or liner in your panties, the chemical combo does not agree with the adhesive. I haven't done this as a daily habit in awhile, but I did it daily both as a student in my 20's and as an office girl in my 30's, both requiring long days seated in an office chair building up a good swamp ass. That drop of lavender meant that my panties may be moist, but they smell like a French field in summer. Cotton panties. Or hemp, if you're extra crunchy. Or mulberry silk, if you're fancy. Natural fibers, is what I'm saying here. Pass on the polyester, for the most part. I know I have those polyester fast-dri panties on my hospital list, I've always had a lot of success with that particular kind being legit fast drying. But packages of cute panties from Shein? Not for everyday wear, babe. "Period Panties" or panty liners - there are so many options here! Disposable panty liners have been the standard for years, but if disposables aren't your vibe, Lil Helper makes all kinds of reusable absorbent products, and pretty much every panty maker makes an absorbent panty nowadays. Stay hydrated. Your self-cleaning oven can't function without cleaning fluid. And urine doesn't have a lot of odor when you're properly hydrated, so if you do drip a little? It's not as crucial as when your hydration is out of balance. So, you have "chub rub"? I recommend using a "friction defense stick" like GoldBond's before putting your favorite dusting powder over the top. But, the GOAT is to just wear cotton biker shorts as your underwear. Also, you really don't want to use that dusting powder in the crotch of your panties, there were all kinds of uterine cancer lawsuits over that in Africa and India awhile back. Stick to the HOCL and lavender oil there. Armpit & Underboob* *or any place where skin rests on skin and collects sweat Soap it all down. I usually soap both areas up before soaping up my African Net Sponge for a whole body scrub-down, those parts included. So, they get like a double hit of the antibacterial soap. If you have any places where skin rests on skin, don't forget to lift them to soap and rinse the whole area, and make sure to dry it properly. I'll talk more about that in a minute. The Three-Step Odor Eliminating Deodorant Process First layer: Raw Apple Cider Vinegar. This'll balance your skin's PH, make it a terrible place for bacteria to live. ProTip: don't put it in a spray bottle. The Mother will grow in the bits and clog it up so badly you'll have to toss the spray mechanism. Use cotton balls or pads to apply it. Second Layer: HOCL. This'll disinfect the area, leave you with a bacteria-free (or at least with far, far less bacteria than before) surface for your deodorant paste. Third layer: The Deodorant Paste. 2 parts raw coconut oil (it has to be raw, refined won't work) 1 part cornstarch, arrowroot powder, or tapioca starch 1 part baking soda 3 parts geranium essential oil 3 parts clary sage essential oil 2 parts lavender essential oil 1 part Ylang ylang essential oil Whip all ingredients together in a non-reactive bowl with a hand mixer. Store in a shallow jar with a tight lid away from direct light, and allow to sit overnight before using. To use: apply a small pea sized amount to the hairy area of the armpit, be sure to coat all hair strands and work down to the skin. The paste will melt as it warms to the body. The essential oils are technically optional. They are, however, natural hormone regulators, according to essential oil research (which is, you know... but whatever, because of my next point). They are also all delightful floral fragrances, and whenever I wear this combo I'm complimented by absolutely everyone I walk past. You can leave them out altogether, and the combo of the three base ingredients is enough to be effective odor control. Or, you can create your own fragrance combo. Just, be sure to not use any citrus oils during the summer months if you show the sun your armpits. Citrus oils make your skin more prone to sunburn and UV damage. You can't use one of the base ingredients? I recommend looking into any of the commercial "all over deodorants" with ingredients you can use that are effective for you. For me, this three step process will hold for up to 72 hours. And it can also be done from step one as a freshen-up, I might take a cotton ball of Dickinson's Micellar Cleanser to my armpit first to remove any old deodorant, but this process will take me from stress sweat to public appropriate nice and fast when I don't have spoons for a full shower, or even a partial shower. When it comes to skin on skin places like underboob, and skin folds, you will likely be happier subbing the aforementioned Friction Defense Stick - or your own blend of oils, butters, and waxes - before liberally applying your favorite dusting powder. Again, make sure the area is as dry as possible before applying these two products. The girlies are getting Eos powder and Lush powder and that's lovely, but you can easily use the cornstarch, arrowroot powder, or tapioca starch you already have in your kitchen. The girlies are also putting it in beautiful cut crystal jars, but something with a good seal is best. Go ahead and splurge on the powder puff, tho. All dusting powder is, is layering your favorite kitchen starch over cotton balls saturated in your favorite fragrances, whether that be oils or perfumes or a mix of both. The girlies are customizing their scents here. If you're using this on an area that will be skin-on-skin all day, make sure you don't use a fragrance or oil that will irritate your skin. Again, keep your jar out of direct light, and let it sit overnight before using. The Bonus Non-Hairy Spot Hygiene Tip Start scraping your tongue. It makes a huge difference in your oral health. And it's far more effective than just brushing your tongue, trust me. Don't let your tongue get hairy!

tl;dr - no. That's me, just a few days ago. 43 years old and just past my half-birthday. No makeup, no filters or alterations of any kind, physical or digital. Selfie camera on my iPhone SE 2020. Mix of natural and LED light. Not saying I'm "beautiful," but my hair is awfully dark for being virgin, and my lines are awfully fine still. Say it with me, ladies - I DON'T OWE ANYONE "PRETTY"! "Pretty" is not my function as a human woman on this planet. I have a personal philosophy of aging with grace. I don't want Botox, or fillers, or a facelift, I just want to live in my face and put my money towards other things. This doesn't mean I'm anti-plastic surgery, I'm on the VERY LONG waiting list for a reduction mastectomy. But, I like having an expressive face. The ability to purposefully arrange my face in an appropriate expression has been an important masking ability of mine my whole life. And structurally, we're in a place in human history where we're generations upon generations into the making of each and every human being, thousands upon thousands of people throughout history contributed to this particular configuration of DNA that is me - as much as there are things (like the hypermobility, fuck) that I rather regret kept getting passed down until it landed on me, my face feels sacred in this way. That being said, in the second half of 43, I am fighting to keep my skin tight and unlined as long as I possibly can. I didn't say I wasn't vain, I said I liked being expressive, whoops. I may not owe anyone, including myself, "pretty" but I certainly owe myself properly hydrated organs and regular UV protection. While I do have the genetic [advantage?] of having that very soft, elastic neurodivergent skin, I also spent my teens and 20's following a very simple, very crunchy skincare regimen that would be absolutely appropriate for a "Gen Alpha Influencer." Nowadays, I've added in serums. But, the biggest difference I've seen is from the internal components - the hydration and nutrients. I'll break it all down below. I'll also link to the exact products I use, please know this blog is completely un-endorsed! These companies don't even know who I am beyond a customer number. External - the skincare! In order of application: Evening - Cleanse with a gentle, real soap. I have bounced between Dr. Bronner's Soap in lavender, Olive Oil Soap, African Black Soap, or a handmade soap from a local soapmaker since I was in middle school. Cleanse again with Kojic Acid Soap, which I treat as like a foaming, rinse-off serum for hyperpigmentation and gentle exfoliation. Mist with Hypochlorous Acid aka HOCL. You can pay $20 for a little bottle from Tower 28... or the same price for a gallon sold as all-purpose cleaner, like I do. I discovered hyaluronic acid serum back around 2015, and it solved the combination skin issues I was having at the time. Because of this, I've been able to wear heavier face creams without them sitting on my skin or being too heavy, since the hyaluronic acid pulls it so deeply into my skin. About a year later, the ingredient exploded in popularity, now you can find it in just about anything, but I still keep a basic hyaluronic acid serum as the base of my external skin hydration. This should be your first serum applied, because it takes everything on top of it into the skin with it. Frankly's Closer Serum. Y'all. This is a legit magic potion. I was dumb last Memorial Day and got a sunburn on my face that finally gave me at 43 the genetic pore widening my mom got at 40. Coincidentally, one of the YouTube doctors I follow put out a video talking about aging pores, and asking followers what they recommend within a week of it happening. Hundreds of people responded, and of all the single ingredients that were most recommended, this serum has all of them. It works very quickly on fine lines, and you see results on your pores in about a month. And it only takes three drops to cover your whole face - forehead, right cheek, left cheek, bring it all into the center to get your nose. Don't forget underneath and in the outer corner of your eyes. Vitamin E Oil. This is how I lost 50 lbs, and kept the skin on my face and neck tight. Again, just four drops - forehead, right cheek, left cheek, neck/throat. The Slug. This changes by season. It's winter as I write this, so I'm using cocoa butter. In summer, I usually go to vegetable glycerin, kind of like a waterproof layer to keep from sweating out all the serums, while simultaneously pulling in all the Great Lakes humidity for my skin's use. I know Vaseline, Aquaphor, and Beef Tallow are all popular for this step lately, and I would suggest against them... simply because they're just a protectant at this point, any nourishing value to your skin has been rendered out. They'll work, sure, but a plant butter like cocoa or shea or aloe would also add it's own nourishing benefits alongside being a humectant. Morning - Another spritz with HOCL, if you must. Let it dry. Apply sunscreen. I will never hear that and not think Baz Luhrmann is about to drop the beat to a commencement address. That's it. None of that will break the bank. Certainly none of it is a thousands of dollar procedure. Internal - the real self care! You may want to discuss this part with your doctor, order blood work if you need it... Daily. It only works if you make it a long term habit - Water. If you need a Brita filter, get a Brita filter. Also get a water receptacle you'll drink from reliably. Is that a Nalgene-style bottle with "at this time, water line needs to be here" decals? Is that an Owalla or Stanley? Is that a copper bottle from the yoga supply shop? Whatever you know that you'll carry around with you and drink reliably from. I really like Meoky's bottle and tumbler line, especially their 2 in 1 lids - my 2 in 1 lid tumbler keeps carbonated drinks fully carbonated overnight, it's so airtight. And that receptacle needs to be reserved for water. Not "Watertok." Not Mormon sodas. Not sweet tea. Not iced lattes, coffee or matcha. Water. Even LaCroix isn't acceptable, my pelvic floor therapist says carbonation can mess with bladder function. You can infuse it with fruit if your brain needs a little something something. Now drink 2-3 of them a day, depending on the size of your receptacle (I went for the 50oz Meoky tumbler to be the Queen of the Karens, She Who Has The Audacity To Confront The Ultimate Manager, God Himself, in "carnival"). All of the above can still be consumed, just try to keep it to one a day, or as a treat. Electrolytes multiple times per day. I literally have no energy without my electrolyte supplement. I went through my subscription supply too quickly once, and decided to wait out the couple of weeks until my next shipment - I will never do that again. I was miserable. Collagen Peptide Supplements. If you can take a collagen complex, definitely do so, but my allergies keep me taking single collagens for specific purposes. And I put 4 teaspoons of Bovine Collagen Peptides in my coffee every morning. Not only does it make my stomach feel full for a few hours, it has my nails so healthy I don't want to paint or cover them, and is definitely contributing to the 2"/month hair growth I'm currently enjoying. And I think my daily collagen coffees during weight loss contributed a lot to my generally firm skin all over. I have stretch marks, and the inside of my thighs are a bit crepe-ey (no sense in doing anything about that until after my hip heals), but my skin otherwise fits quite well for having lost 50 lbs... twice in seven years. Vitamin C. If the above horrified you because you're animal-free, terribly sorry, but collagen comes exclusively from animals, I checked. If you can't supplement it for dietary concerns, you're going to want to make sure you're getting your vitamin c regularly, both nutritionally and as a serum in your skincare, to help your body produce its own. If you're anemic, like so many of us in peri seem to be nowadays, vitamin c will also help your body absorb iron, including reducing the iron constipation. Omega 3-6-9. My brain wants to Get Low every single time. Anyway, this allergen-free (but not vegetarian) seed-based kind that I take also contains a lot of natural estrogenic compounds, so either enjoy the peri support! or try at your own risk! Magnesium Glycinate. Does this shut off the ADHD? No. Does it let the physical exhaustion take over a lot easier? Yes. Iron. Definitely more circumstantial, and one you'll want to check your blood work on first, but if you're exhausted all the time no matter how much sleep you get, your skin is dull and sallow, your hair is thinning and greying, and you have dark circles under your eyes... this'll probably help. Benefiber. Prebiotics to feed our gut probiotics are super important! I start my day, and I mean this, as I'm brewing my coffee, by drinking 24 oz of water with 1 serving of Benefiber and a double squirt of Buoy electrolytes. Again, nothing too crazy, financially. Certainly no weekly infusions at a private med spa. It's almost like they're selling you a marked-up brand by telling you skincare needs to be expensive...

I took my last birth control pill today for the next six weeks. Wish me luck 😬😬 I’m not even off the damn pill yet, and yesterday, I get a HUGE, nearly marble-sized lump deep under my skin on the right side of my chin. It’s been awhile, cystic acne. This is after getting diagnosed with roseacea for the first time in my life a few weeks back. I have the kind where the cartilage in your nose hardens over time. Good grief. Now, you may or may not remember back in the days before South Korea started exporting their skincare lines, and long before the zit stickers everyone wears now, there was “crunchy skincare.” Essentially, you were one of two kinds of teen in the 90’s when it came to your skin - Neutrogena, or Proactiv. Unless you were in the much smaller third group that bought their soaps (likely Dr. Bronner’s) and lotions (likely Jason or Kiss My Face brands) from the local food co-op when they went in to buy their tofu and hummus. And the clerk at the co-op likely told you about this: Look, I didn’t name the clay 😬😬 So, you mix a couple of pinches of the bentonite clay with a couple of drops of raw apple cider vinegar, and apply it to whatever you want to draw impurities out of in a thick paste. You then let the paste dry, usually 20-30 minutes, before soaking it off with a warm, wet washcloth. You can see that sonofabitch through a quarter inch of mud mask. That first go-around brought the lump closer to the surface, and condensed it down, made it firmer to the touch. I’ll do it again before bed, and again tomorrow morning if I need to, until it’s fully drained. It doesn’t usually take more than three go-arounds to clear out a big zit this way. No one ever told me that perimenopause was like if good Spock were puberty, and Evil Spock were perimenopause… puberty in a mustache doing nefarious things. Why did Judy Blume not write a sequel to “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” some 10 years ago about this? And next up, once the Pill is out of my system, is periods 😭😭

At the pre-op appointment on Tuesday, my nurse navigator tried to help me work out a plan to sleep away from the cats for two weeks. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the last time I was cut open for medical purposes, it was at 9 in the morning, and by 5pm I had become the Mumma of a micro-runt from a polyesterous litter (like internet sensation Baby Corn). And that I immediately started pottying him with the incision hand. I could have worn gloves. That occurred to me about the time he litter trained. oof, lightening this picture really showed off the bruise there… Anyway, that was in March 2024. He grew from a little 6oz kittenlet to a 12lb floofy wide boy. He loves the Christmas Tree. I don’t know how to tell him I won’t be able to bend over for Speedy Pets (that’s where he runs at me from across the house, and I have to be quick enough to pet him one time as he zooms by. Failure on my part gets an exasperated second try) for 12 full weeks! So much floof. So much. And considering this is how Penelope is chillin’ right now… Yeah, she’ll be easy to keep out of bed… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I had it confirmed today that I have to stay off of my birth control for six weeks - two weeks pre-op, and four weeks post-op. I’m not just ready, I’m not fucking around. Wish me luck 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Left was taken 9/28/25, Right was taken today, 12/12/25. Both show my hair stretched but not straightened, and freshly cut using the Manes by Mell Pigtail Cut. I took about 4” off in September, and 1” off today. That’s just 2 1/2 months of growth 🥳🥳🥳 Introducing my hair: 3a/b, ringlet curls about the diameter of a boba straw (it took me a minute to think of a comparison that wasn’t “middle-sized vaginal dialator,” guys), highly, HIGHLY porous, medium thickness but super fine. And I have about 8” of shrink, no shit, especially at the nape of my neck. My hair has been a real rollercoaster ride over the years. First of all, this is not a “biracial with a white mom” thing, I got the hair from my mom, and she didn’t know what the hell to do with her own hair as a French/Cherokee person in a white neighborhood, so when she gave it to me she basically kept me shorn like a sheep. I “grew my hair out” at 12, but in the age of covering up sulfate damage with silicones, and with a mother who just noped out of hair altogether, I had a rat’s nest. It was severely damaged from the hair products I blindly used, the sun damage from spending the entire summer in the pool, and the hair dye I used to cover up the damage… it was bad. I found the Natural Hair Movement around 2012 or so, and while I was able to rehab my hair into a healthy curl pattern through early LOC methods, I was still coloring my hair, and therefore still damaging it, not to mention while there were Naturalistias using scalp oiling techniques at the time, I didn’t get into it. It seemed “extra.” So, my hair was growing at around 1/2” per month, and the ends weren’t surviving much longer than my collar. I assumed I simply wasn’t able to grow long hair. I stopped dyeing my hair in 2021, and I cut the last of the colored hair off at the beginning of 2024… it took me three years to grow roughly the amount of hair I just grew in the last 2 1/2 months 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ It was having to get my allergens out of my personal care products that led me to finally scalp oiling, and then properly cleaning my scalp regularly to remove the oil, not just shampooing my hair… all of a sudden, my hair grows like nothing else. But I wasn’t working on length retention, I was working against it with some habits. I went from being well on my way to having bra strap length hair by now, to yet another “big chop” and start over at the end of September. That start-over included scalp cleansing with kojic acid soap, scalp oiling with coffee-infused oils, a leave-in conditioner, and a chebe (apparently pronounced “SHEE-bay,” but please correct me if I’m saying it wrong) butter for length retention. I also put a heat hood on over all of this as it’s fresh, to melt the oils and butters down, and lock it into the hair follicle. Otherwise, I find the chebe butter just kinda sits on top of the hair, being needlessly greasy. I also started wearing silk/satin bonnets to bed every night, with silk scrunchies if needed. Another thing that I thought was “a lot” (like, really, I have to wear them over my ears, and that legit kept me from wearing them for years. It’s a dumb neurodivergent thing), but makes a huge difference in length retention. So, how am I planning on maintaining my hair growth while I’m healing a titanium hip joint implant? I make the scalp oil and chebe butter, and I’ll make a triple batch of both within the next couple of days. I’ll keep up my usual every 2-3 days routine with my hair up until the night before surgery. There’s also an internal component to my hair growth - I take daily collagen peptides, electrolytes, iron, buffered vitamin c, and omega 3-6-9 supplements to support a lot of things, hair growth and health included. I can do that until one week before surgery, so I’ll be diligent about taking them until I can’t anymore, and get back to them as soon as I can. I’ll give my scalp and hair a good cleaning as I’m taking that pre-surgery shower, and use a light leave-in and vegetable glycerine to seal it in (my summertime humectant go-to). After it’s dry, I’ll put it up in “boxer braids,” the easiest way to get it under a surgical bonnet. Once I’m out of surgery, I’ll switch to a satin bonnet. For upkeep in the days immediately following surgery, my friend Elfie came in so clutch buying me a Tangle Teezer and spray in detangler/conditioner 🙏🏼🙏🏼 That and a water spray bottle will keep my hair from turning into the Gordian Knot in the back, and I can do it all from bed 🫶🏼 Once I can get back into the shower (which really depends on my post-op pain levels, I have a transport shower chair, so I can sit in the shower all day), I’ll start up the scalp maintenance and chebe length maintenance again… and likely make it my post-op hobby. Right now, my hair is shoulder length, which is where I’m used to it being. I realize that makes me look like the girl from Encanto: When the first trailers came out for Encanto, everyone who ever met me said “why is Katrina in a Disney movie??” I’m hoping to be cleared from post-op with armpit-length hair, have it bra-strap length by by my birthday in early June, and celebrate my big chop anniversary with waist-length hair 🤞🏼🤞🏼🧿🧿 Mind blowing, seriously.

Violet, Michael Myers, and my new panties TW: weight loss, weight gain, weight loss medication. The problem with learning you need surgery in five weeks on literal Black Friday is that shipping isn’t any “two days” like it usually is. This is why we order early! As long as it’s here by January 4th, we’re good. I’m getting an anterior hip replacement, so my surgeon will be going in from the front… and I need Hi-Cut panties that won’t sit the leg seam right on the incision. But I need new panties in general right now. Buckle in, this one’s a story… The only thing I can think of that would ruin one hip, the left one in particular, is that days, literally an amount of days you can count on one hand, after graduating from my local rehab hospital’s outpatient Fibromyalgia Pain Program at the very end of 2017, my left piriformis muscle spasmed so hard, it triggered about 30 more muscle spasms down my left leg, that all had to be released in sequence before the piriformis muscle would relax. That took nine months, and one more go-around through the rehab hospital’s program. The program is a lot of strength training, and I started taking it really seriously as I started healing my muscles after that flare. The result was a 50lbs and 29” total loss, and me being in the best physical health of my life. Of course, that was until the ruptured discs in 2021, at spine levels T10-11 and L5-S1. Between not being able to exercise two hours per day like I had in my strength training days, and comfort eating, I gained that 50lbs back pretty easily after all those surgeries and nerve/spinal cord injuries. Until the food allergies were diagnosed in early 2024, after I went on the AIP diet in late 2023. I’m allergic to both dairy, and all nuts, two of the fattiest foods in the American diet. Cutting those out of my diet, along with basically every pre-packaged convenience food out there meant I dropped 30lbs with very little effort. Here’s where the panties start to come in. At the time, in the pre-tariff days, I had a bit of a dopamine issue with the Shein app. And since I fully expected to drop the other 20lb, I bought a bunch of panty sets in what is my current size. Thing is, I was a lingerie model at the time, so there’s a lot of flesh colored thongs… But then, the migraines and the comfort eating set in, just as the cortisol and perimenopause started to work together to pack a bunch of fat around my organs, and my weight went right back up again. My doctor decided that the solution was Wegovy in late 2024, I was one of the early users. The solution was not Wegovy. I have been in a gastrointestinal nightmare that shows no sign of ending since taking Wegovy. So, I tried Contrave in early 2025, which is a combo of Naltrexone and Bupropion, which, when powers combined, work on addiction in the brain. It’s like the dopamine handed the “I’m hungry” button back to my body, and I’m actually eating for the calories and nutrients now. I’m naturally eating small portion sizes, not snacking, and intermittent fasting. But now, down that 50lbs again, we are in the days of tariffs, and I cannot believe the price of women’s panties! I remember being able to get a 12 pack of cotton panties on sale for $8, that 6 pack was $9 on sale marked down from $20! WHAT THEE ACTUAL FUCK?? So, I now have two panty drawers (heh, two drawers for my drawers), one for “highly polyester but cute enough to wear to the doctor’s appointment where multiple people will see them” and “two sizes too big and getting holes but I have a moral objection to buying more at the prices right now.” Getting a new hip and new panties, what a day! I’ll keep them boxed (as they may be) until I do the surgery laundry, and after that I guess I can finally dump the old ones… Funnily enough, a big reason I wanted to lose the weight this go-around is because you won’t be considered a candidate for a breast reduction unless you’re at a 29 BMI or under. I just got the referral to plastic surgery for a reduction mastectomy about a month before I got the referral to orthopedics… but unlike orthopedics, it takes a full year to get in for a consult, and another year after that to get in for the surgery. That puts me firmly into Medicaid work requirements I’m not physically capable of meeting, so we’ll see if I ever get to ditch my literal Barbie doll proportions. Meanwhile, my Total Joint Replacement Handbook recommends aiming for a BMI 30 or lower by surgery date. Already there, baby! And so, so grateful for being so, this is already pure agony, I can’t even comprehend what carrying another 50lbs around on this hip would be like. And I’m very glad I don’t have to.

One thing about being a middle eastern dancer in the 90's is that the Algerian pop music scene was happening, and I was there for it way more than a teen girl from Michigan should have been. I discovered I was hypermobile when I started an Arabic dance class at 16 years old. I could bend in ways no one else could… and also just could never develop the muscles in certain places to do certain things. While this led to frequent muscle spasms in my lower back starting at 19 years old, in between spasms I was quite the brilliant dancer. But nowadays, I have literally had my twerk joint removed, thanks to the hypermobility. I had some hopes of finding just the right therapist who could teach me to compensate and dance safely around the missing joint without causing damage to the remaining spine, but the pursuit of that is what let me know my hip had gone past the point of no return. People don’t talk much about the grief that disabled people go through, with every new chronic diagnosis to incorporate into your sense of self, every new boundary you encounter with your body, every time you have to miss a social event you’d never have missed before your condition worsened… disability makes you a new person in a lot of ways, and not with your consent. And working through that hits absolutely every stage of grief, and definitely not in anything resembling any linear progression. This usually comes with the loss of friends and sense of community, too - you’re not a coworker anymore. People ask you what you do for a living, you have to tell them you’re too disabled to work, not about the awesome job you have. Or even about the mediocre job you have that at least makes you seem productive in the conversation. Can’t go out with the girls? They’ll keep going out without you, and you won’t talk as much. Etc, etc. And when you were raised to be a “girl boss” who just needs to “hustle harder,” there’s now a lot of work you need to do around the idea of personal productivity and value/worth, along with wondering who the hell you are now that you aren’t an employee or or a volunteer or in a book club or a long-distance hiker. I’m not writing this because I have any answers, I’m personally three years into the really big disability questions, and I feel like a pinball in action, emotionally. I’m writing about it mostly just to get it out, talk out the feels, and hopefully my talked out feels make someone else’s unspoken feels feel less alone. And here’s to who I am becoming! 🥂 I have absolutely no idea what that is, but I know it’s something and I know I’ll get there eventually once I properly mourn the old me and put her to rest, and get to a place of acceptance of the new me. Whenever that is.