When every instance of bullying in your life boils down to your neurodivergent traits.

CW: This one's trauma city... bullying for neurodivergence, sure, also medical trauma, medical neglect, gangstalking and social trauma, narcissism, and the literacy crisis.

For the record, this blog is absolutely the personal diary of a hyperverbal person who needs to work out all the snowballing thoughts in their head. It just has a shareable link, not a cute little heart-shaped lock.

I was just reminded again that my hyperverbalism, particularly as it pertains to my writing style, makes me sound, and I quote, "boring and narcissistic."

So, I expect no one to read these boring and narcissistic ramblings of a madwoman, and will therefore just hyperverbalize away. Watch this be my first viral post ever.

I say this with zero ego or narcissism, and I know that, because I have had it beaten out of me if it ever even existed : if I were a neurotypical person, I would be considered hugely inspirational. I'm sure a number of people do think I'm an inspiration, but they're a very small minority, and it's because I'm very easily hated.

The person who called me "boring and narcissistic" was responding to a post I wrote that started with "after four spine surgeries" and ended with me losing 70 lbs and writing a cookbook. I shared it to be inspiring.

Now, I know exactly why they think I'm boring. It took me some time, and a lot of discussion with other verbally gifted individuals to realize that the problem is the literacy crisis. See, it's not just that they don't want to read an essay. It's that they themselves cannot produce an essay. And it's not that I'm actually a narcissist, a word that has lost absolutely all meaning at this point... because understanding why I would share my story in that way, in that particular conversation, requires an understanding of context... yeah, it's going to look self-centered if it's completely devoid of context, but on a video discussion about dieting through personal crises where other commenters were sharing their own similar stories...

For those of us who understand the importance of context, I was sharing a story about overcoming medical trauma and neglect, all while dealing with a complete loss of social supports in my personal life thanks to coordinated gangstalking efforts from multiple groups, and succeeding in my weight loss and medical recovery goals anyway. And this person came in to bully me for my autism in telling my story. Who looks the worst in this interaction, exactly?

They're lucky I'm not a narcissist. They wouldn't have liked the bear they poked. Me? I understand that illiterate people don't understand context. And I just can't bring myself to be too mean to a person at such an obvious life disadvantage, even if they feel they have to be a bully to cover up their feelings of inadequacy about it.

But this was not the first or the last person I'll run into who's going to treat me like shit simply for being able to write a grammatically correct, dare I say it even grammatically elegant, five point argument off the top of my head about any subject you give me. Or any other neurodivergent traits I display. I took on the unmasking project knowing full well what the outside reactions would be, and I own all of it.

They're not my audience. And I'm certainly not dumbing myself down for them. I'd rather find the people who appreciate me, and I have to be kinda visible to the bullies to do that.

But I would also like to point out that the literacy crisis is literally devolving our society. No Child Left Behind my significantly smaller and still lipidema cratered ass.