Happy Birthday to me.

I celebrated turning 44 by spending six hours alone in the ER, getting diagnosed with two uterine fibroids! Weekday birthdays, am I right?

My grandma: "only two? I had five when I had my hysterectomy."

One's posterior and a little under 3 centimeters, so about the size of a grape, and the other is anterior and a little under 4 centimeters, so about the size of a bon bon. I also have a simple cyst in my left ovary, also grape-sized. Leave it to me to turn my unused uterus into a charcuterie board.

As my grandma pointed out, this is just continuing the good ol' family tradition of demonically rotten wombs. My great-grandmother died from uterine cancer, my grandma obviously had a bunch of fibroids and a hysterectomy at 34, my mother had precancerous polyps and a hysterectomy also at 34. I bought myself 10 whole years thanks to taking birth control to stop my periods. Which is probably why they're so dang big. I know they could be a lot worse, but I also know they start real tiny, and these are not tiny.

The good news is, my body is healthy enough that I can handle the excess bleeding. I felt FUNKY when I went to the hospital, but my levels were all within healthy ranges when they ran the blood work, just the slightest anemia. Which I probably could have guessed just by my hair growth in May... the fibroid bleeding started on 4/20. I remember remarking that I'd have to wait until I was done with that "period" to know how my clothing swap gains really fit, especially the pants. I guess I won't actually know until the organ gets yoinked, if I have some decently large growths on it. Anyway! I bled from 4/20-4/26, had a 12 day break, bled from 5/8-5/13, and then spotted from 5/26 (when I finally contacted my PCP and got referred to a new gyno), to very early in the morning on 6/4, when I started bleeding heavier than I ever have before in my life. And I had said that about each of those first two periods. Meanwhile, I'm recording record hair growth, I had to have sprouted 2 1/2 inches last month. Obviously, my iron levels are just fine if I can grow my hair like that. Thanks, Vitron C! That means that, unless it gets worse between now and then, I can wait for a standard hysterectomy, not have to be admitted for an emergency yoink. Healthier for me, less squabble with insurance, does ruin my summer plans.

In the interest of full disclosure, here's the gory details - this is thin, bright red blood. Almost no clots. I started my periods at exactly 11 1/2, and I've been passing huge clots since the very first until I stopped my periods with The Pill 10 years ago. And the "blood" was always very thick, kind of gelled. These "periods" are nothing like what used to be my normal. And the pain is pretty bad. I used to be a back cramper, this is all front. The pain levels seem to go up when the bleeding does, and they go UP, I've been consistently hitting pain level 8... which is generally likened to unmedicated childbirth.

I've doubled up my Meloxicam to 15mg like I did in the weeks before my hip surgery when I was walking around with it bone-on-bone, which much like it did before hip surgery takes the edge off but doesn't kill the pain completely. Also like before hip surgery, I'm keeping up on the arthritis strength Tylenol, which combined with the Meloxicam takes everything down to a fairly reasonable 4-5. It's still pretty exhausting to be constantly bleeding, and my body knows I'm in pain under the meds, so I'm taking a lot of naps.

As for other symptoms; I have had some nasty night sweats, I had a 2am projectile vomit session the other night, and I've had some of the wildest acne I've ever had, including a large sebaceous cyst in my cheek, and a pistule filled like a piñata on my forehead. And, of course, my migraines have joined in the fun, being stress triggered and all.

Things that aren't medications that help? Hot baths with Epsom salts and Dettol. The Dettol helps with the ick of constantly bleeding and sweating. Drinking tons of water, with my daily electrolyte supplement. Doubling my iron and vitamin C supplements on bleed days - on top of what's in the the Vitron C, I'm also taking a 1,000mg Buffered Vitamin C supplement as vitamin C also helps my body absorb the collagen peptides supplement I put in my coffee each morning. I learned when I was a teenager in the 90's that menstrual fluid leeches vitamin c, part of why it depletes your iron so easily for not being a lot of fluid loss. It's second nature to me to double up the vitamin c when I start a cycle. (None of those links are sponsored in any way.)

Unless things get worse between now and then, I don't see my new gyno until July 1 (though I should probably put myself on the wait list...). It may not have been the happiest birthday, but New Doc has all the blood work and imaging they need to proceed with what I assume will be ordering a hysterectomy, no phutzing with outpatient appointments for each test, un-prioritized results, and finding a follow-up appointment for the actual scheduling. Things should probably go fast from there, fingers crossed. But that still means I'll be healed up and ready to go just in time for summer to be over 😅😅

I didn't think I'd be resurrecting the "Pre-Op" and "Post-Op" categories so soon, but here we are.