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TW: American Disability & Medicaid systems, medical neglect, discussions of surgery/post-op injury, and genocide. You know how I was denied Medicaid for 2026 because of a perfect storm of events that most people would simply write off as personal laziness? Well, I'm writing this blog post to kill some time as I'm on hold with my County DHS to speak to someone about how to get the denial overturned. First of all, I had to hang up and call back to start on the automated menu from scratch three times, because the terminology they use is so specific that it's very confusing for anyone who doesn't work with it regularly. I also had to go through two menus and two sub-menus to find where I could speak to a human being. And when I finally connected (at 11:11am, it's 11:38 as I write this), I was caller number 36. I have no idea how many "specialists" they have on staff. I have an appointment this afternoon. Not until after 4pm, but now I wonder if I have enough time for this call and my appointment both. Here I thought five hours would be plenty of time to handle this and head out for my appointment... Starting next year, they've made putting in 20 hours per week of officially reported work or volunteer service a Medicaid qualification requirement. Are they planning on budgeting the staff to handle that? Because, at this point, they don't have the staff to handle the load of work they already have. And even if "official reporting" is handled online and by AI, they're going to need human troubleshooters for when something is inevitably fucked up by either human or robot. Especially if something as essential as peoples' health care is on the line if mandatory reporting gets fucked up for the smallest of reasons. They really thought adding another layer of difficulty to this system was a good idea? I know you likely think I'm being a dramatic liberal nose ring person for using the word "genocide" about this, but I'm not a liberal, I have roseacea so no nose ring, and I am out here with both personal experience and actual numbers, so I'm just going to point out how wildly inaccessible and understaffed/underfunded the social supports for disabled people in America are (and that includes facilities and supports for disabled veterans - I'n not a veteran, but I see what they're experiencing at the VA hospitals, I see how this country treats its heroes - all bluster, no compassion), and I'm just going to go ahead and make people uncomfortable with the "genocide" word when discussing what I see and experience. 11:59am now. Still on hold. Speaking of the Medicaid 2027 requirements... I've read them through, and I don't remember seeing anything about what happens if you can't make your 80 hours a month. Most part-time employees don't get PTO or a lot of PTO, they have to eat it if they get sick or have a family emergency. And volunteer positions don't have those kinds of deals at all, you're there or you're not, there's no "PTO" for volunteers. So, if your grandma is dying in Alberqurque, and you need to take a week off to be there, do you lose your Medicaid coverage? Are you expected to double your hours the next week to keep it? What if that's something that will flare the chronic Illness that has them on limited hours and Medicaid to begin with, so they need another week or two off to recover from the physical and emotional stress? Before you "but exemptions for disabilities!!" me, I have had two separate government employed "employment experts" and two separate government employed "doctors" (one had no idea what "myleomalacia" was, and when I said the word, the look on her face made it clear she decided I was faking right then, before the exam even started) declare me fit for full-time employment. They have done this repeatedly as I was concurrently going through multiple spine surgeries and that spinal cord injury, as well as severely damaging the nerves in my dominant hand and injuring the wrist joint in a way that is growing a cyst that's obstructing the use of my hand/wrist, and getting a total hip joint replacement. Despite Failed Laminectomy Syndrome being on my medical chart along with that myleomalacia (bruising of the spinal cord caused by a compression injury), I have had multiple government employees tell me that my surgeries fixed all my problems and made me fit to work again, despite some of those surgeries not having even taken place yet let alone healed in a way to determine what I lost and what I regained or retained. Getting a disability exemption from Medicaid work requirements will be just as impossible as getting into the social security program. I don't think this wasn't well thought out. I think it was extremely well thought out. I think they're trying to keep as many people uninsured and without access to health care as possible. And if they can take Medicaid away from the people already struggling as they're years, plural, sometimes many years into the disability application process, and have to earn their income the whole time like they already receive the disability check each month, even more will die before they get to their case, oopsie! 12:11pm now. I've officially been on hold for an hour, after taking a half-hour just to get to the point where I could be placed on hold. Soooooo... how is everyone? What's new? Break for some texting, and I'm back at 12:34pm. Still on hold. I have to bail on this at 3pm to get on the road for my appointment. They make me check in every 10 minutes to make sure I'm still on the line, but they won't tell me where I am in line now, or how many specialists are at their desks. What do you bet I need to call back and do this all again tomorrow? 1:11pm. Two hours on hold now. 2.5 hours into the process. They WANT you to give up. Just go without healthcare, die if you must. And I have the luxury of waiting around on hold. I don't have to run after a toddler, or get dinner on before picking the kids up from school. Or make it to a job where I can't have my phone on me or make personal calls outside of my lunch hour, like most front-facing and many office jobs nowadays. So, when are we supposed to handle our DHS business? They answered my call at 1:25pm. To tell me to call another number. Now, at the number they gave me, I asked for help applying for Medicaid, they sent me to tech support to get into the state website to do the application myself. Only, the website is down. So, I'm done for the day at 1:40pm, I'm denied the accommodation I stayed on hold for two hours to ask for, and my issue is still in limbo, and needs to be revisited tomorrow. Yep. Tune in tomorrow to see if the website actually works so I can get health coverage for another year...

I saw a video clip recently about how one of those Silicon Valley billionaires who thinks they can MAXX themselves into immortality saying that they pay a personal chef $500 per meal to cook them a diet with 30% dietary fiber, 20% more than what the average American gets in the Standard American Diet. Y'all, this rich fool is spending $1500 per day to eat grains, beans, and vegetables. And he thinks it'll make him more immortal than your average Old World grandfather. Wherever your Old World is, they're all eating like this, with regional variances. Also, I think wanting physical immortality is very immature. I thought Anne Rice's description of being a living witness to history was very romantic when I was young, but about the time I realized the immortality of the soul and what that entails, I sure as hell didn't want to be limited to this body forever and ever. Ew. I need more variety than that. Anyway, I'm exploring grains outside of rice and oats, because there's only so much rice one person can eat without wanting to explore other grain options. I'm polygrainimous, what can I say? I picked up quinoia, sorghum millet, and barley while I was out shopping the other day. Speaking of Quinoia, does anyone else remember the lady on Pinterest who kept the parody account for "Quinoia," her millennial beige hipster baby model imaginary daughter? Little Quinoia would be in high school now, and you know that kid would be a clean girl skincare influencer destroying her teenage skin with retinol and "baby Botox"... Back from that little sidetrack - I also got a sprouting lid to sprout some of the 8-ish pounds of lentils I have in the pantry. Considering my White Bean Bread Dough recipe makes a really soft, flexible flatbread wrap, I'm looking forward to veggie wraps with hummus and sprouts all spring and summer. #LEGUMEMAXXING. Thank God soy and peanut are the only ones I have problems with, I wouldn't know how to eat without the other legumes out there... With my success with my diet on both my health and my weight, my mom has decided that she wants to start eating my meals with me. Which means I spent a big chunk of the afternoon taking stock of what I have in the fridge and the pantry, and I set up a meal schedule for the week. I actually set up a public blog to record my recipes before I set up a weekly meal plan, y'all. I have been feeding myself on vibes and inspiration this whole time. And I love over-planning shit like this! I put my planning document together as a Google Sheet document, so I can share it with everyone who's eating. I'll probably blog about how to put a personal plan together in a few weeks, when I have it worked out. Dinner tonight is Mujaddara, if you were wondering.

And I mean that in the very southern "bless your heart" way. TW: American Disability & Medicaid systems, post-op recovery, chronic illness including seasonal migraines, neurodivergence, mental stress, discussion of distress, danger, and genocide. I just got denied Medicaid for 2026. Why? I didn't return the re-application form. Why wouldn't I do that promptly, it's not hard to return a form, right? I had a total hip joint replacement on January 5. I spent most of the month of January on Oxy. I came home from the hospital with a stomach virus, and my sister brought me home an upper respiratory virus at the end of January. I learned my SSI Disability appeal was denied at exactly one week post-op. I've been busy re-applying with my lawyer's office, in-between medical appointments galore. I spent most of February in a severe, intractable migraine thanks to an extended "Fool's Spring." Every time I was prompted to re-apply online, I was locked out of the state website for 24 hours for too many failed login attempts, because apparently none of my saved login info is correct. I have combined-type ADHD. It's on my medical record. That's not going to be manageable while I'm on a meds regimen that's totally different than normal and have extreme physical and mental stressors in my life. My lawyer's office can tell you how the demand resistant avoidance is treating me. Locking an ADHD person out of a task they're prepared to focus on for 24 hours is the kiss of death. Basically, I am being asked to complete a "simple task" with an obese elephant strapped to my back, and zero assistance. So, now I get to call my DHS office on Monday and demand they reconsider my case. My current plan ends on the 28th, so I'm clear for all of the medical care I've had so far, and I'm up on all my prescription meds, so I can deal with a month or so of paperwork, and I will absolutely submit anything I pay out of pocket for retroactive reimbursement. But seriously... I was denied SSI Disability despite the fact that my combined disabilities contributed to my failing to submit the paperwork to keep the healthcare coverage I need for another year. Go ahead. Tell me this isn't an ongoing, bipartisan genocide of disabled people. Flying the American flag upside down is a sign of citizens in distress, with extreme danger to life or property. Considering disabled Americans aren't allowed to have any kind of accumulated wealth to access the social security system, and considering thousands of disabled Americans are unable to participate in the full-time workforce and yet are in SSI Disability application limbo for 2-12+ years... the call is coming from inside the house.

I had my last post-op appointment with my surgeon today, and I am free and clear! The little wounds on the incision are apparently very normal, and pop up at 6 weeks, when the internal sutures dissolve. Once they heal up, in about five days, I'm clear for hot tubbing again! Now I have to re-learn using my cane for my drop foot in my right leg again 😅😅 I went to the local Indian supermarket while I was out to stock up my spice cabinet and grain stores in my pantry, and couldn't help bringing home yummy smelling soaps and Dettol for my bath, too. A statue of Kali Maa from the puja section of the store also wanted to come home with me, but I told Her I needed a spot for Her before I could bring Her home, because it's not a small statue. Did She just show me the spot? Yes. She'll be sharing it with the closed jar ecosystems I plan to put there this summer... This just means I have to go back sooner than I usually get to that side of town. I also literally bumped into Hanuman Ji while I was there, so... shit's about to get real.

TW: weight gain and loss, plus clothing sizing, fatphobia, body dysmorphia. I took the nice weather and having some energy yesterday to try on some of the things in my closet that I haven't put on in awhile, to see if it even still fits. And the most surprising pieces do and don't fit! A little storytime about my size and clothing sizes over the years - at 18 years old, in 2000, I was a perfect Lane Bryant size 18. I could go into Lane Bryant and put anything in a size 18 on my body and it would fit like a glove. Everyone from Lane Bryant associates to my friends told me that I should apply for the brand modeling calls (I never did). Now, I was also a member of the Society for Creative Anachronism, an organization for middle ages recreation. This included sewing your own medieval clothing for events, so I knew my measurements - my hips were, on average, 48" around. My waist was 38", this is the first time in my life that I haven't had a perfect hourglass figure at 48"-38"-48". I just now took my measurements. 47"-35"-41.5". I currently have two pieces of denim bottoms in my wardrobe right now - a pair of Lane Bryant bootcut jeans size 18L that I bought in 2019, and a pair of Lane Bryant jorts, size 18 that I thrifted last year, but they look pretty new. Both fit my 35" waist perfectly. The jeans are a comfortably loose fit. I just checked Lane Bryant's website. They claim a size 18 fits a 46" -40" -48". I couldn't button these jeans at that size. This particular pair was my "goal jeans." By my measurements, I should be in a size 12/14, but considering how these size 18's fit, there's no way I can fit in anything smaller than a 16, and it would be uncomfortably tight. Torrid looks to be the same way, I have a pair of knit leggings in what I thought was a Torrid size 2 but that look to be a size 3, that fit me really well. They're supposed to be a size 22/24 for a 44"-48" waist and 54"-58" hips. I have never been that size, even at my heaviest, though I was definitely wearing size 22/24 at my heaviest a few years ago. And I should currently be in a 00/0 in Torrid's sizing, by their official size chart. Are these garments stretchy? Yes. Are they "accommodate two to three sizes larger than I currently am" stretchy? Absolutely not. More like "can currently comfortably wear to an all you can eat buffet" stretchy. Which means that a Lane Bryant size 18 is 3" smaller in the waist than it was 26 years ago. And is 5" smaller in the waist than advertised. Torrid's size discrepancy is even wider. This is why people freak out when plus size labels drop their higher sizes. Those higher sizes are a lot smaller than they used to be. And the opposite of vanity sizing is happening here... shame sizing? Which means that if you shop exclusively at these plus size retailers, you're going to think you're a solid two sizes bigger than you really are. Now, the fatphobia crowd would answer with "jUsT LoSe ThE wEiGhT" which is, of course, the least helpful advice ever. Say they do lose the weight, what are they going to wear while they're doing so? Clothing is a human right, not a privilege for the people who fit the society's body image. And if the society is going to insist on convenience eating with filler ingredients to subsidize genetically modified industrial farming, the society is going to have to offer true expanded clothing sizes. And accessible health care, but I digress. This also adds to some serious body dysmorphia, which women do not need any more of in their lives. I have thankfully done the work mentally as well as physically, and I know that clothing sizing is a whole pile of bullshit in this country, but imagine being a person like me who has lost 70lbs, a major accomplishment, but you still fit into what the label says is a size 18, which should fit someone 5" bigger than you, and you cannot fit your actual size and have to back up two sizes bigger than you actually are. You're being fully gaslit by your own clothing. If I have to lose another 5" to fit a Lane Bryant size 14, I will look sickly. I will be sickly at that weight. And these are PLUS SIZES. These are the sizes you're supposed to be losing your way out of, so of course they want to hold onto their clientele any way possible. I'm certainly never ever going to chase a number on a tag, my supposedly size 18 jeans and jorts are perfectly comfortable, thank you. But not every woman knows this, we're raised from birth to chase those numbers, no matter what kind of harm it does to our bodies and mental health. Now, you're probably going to say "where's the proof?" so here's the proof. Go ahead and check the metadata, these were freshly taken (11am on 2/19/26) on my iPhone SE 2020, of me, wearing the garments, along with pictures of the tags of said garments. In "I told you I was a lingerie model," here's the jorts: The size 22/24 Torrid leggings (if you think that may be another size, let me know) : And the Lane Bryant jeans: So, if you go into the store, and you're trying on new clothes, and you find yourself in a size far bigger than you've ever been in before, but your weight hasn't fluctuated that much... it might not be you, and that number is just a number.

How to know you're an 80's baby... my mom would make going to see the doctor less scary by playing this on the drive over and singing "let's get a physical!" and encouraging my brother and I to join in. TW: weight loss, with numbers. Obesity & BMI. Surgery & recovery. I had my six month check-up with my PCP today (you get semi-annuals when you have enough wrong with you), which of course means a weigh-in. I'm at 205lbs, which is 12lbs lighter than the 217lbs I was on surgery day six weeks ago. That is also 70lbs lighter than the 275lbs I weighed at my heaviest in 2023, and 50lbs lighter than the 255lbs I was when I started Contrave. That also puts me at a 29.4 BMI. Now, I know the BMI is a load of crap, according to the BMI I should be 165lbs, and that would make me look like a starvation victim. I'm betting I bottom out somewhere between 195-200lbs, which still puts me in the "overweight" category. But! This is the first time in my adult life that I've been below a 30 BMI, aka in the "obesity" range. As a matter of fact, most of that was spent in obesity level 2. The lowest weight I've ever been before this was 210lbs. So, I've officially beaten my own record. Also, I wore a pair of pants today that just fit when I bought them two years ago, fit perfectly over the holidays, and are now obviously baggy. This is a pair I never thought would be baggy on me, holy cow. Speaking of pants... it's a lot easier to find a 34" inseam in a size 20W. I'm in a 14/16 straight size now. Except this one random pair of Lane Bryant size 18 jeans that somehow fit perfectly loose. But denim is a whole other thing when it comes to sizing and fit. Everyone was SHOCKED I looked and was moving around so well so soon after one of the toughest surgeries to endure. Clean eating, hydration, electrolytes, and nutritional supplementation, baby. Give your body what it needs to properly function, and it'll actually work the way it's supposed to. Funny enough, after the three spine surgery go-arounds (two of the five surgeries were doubled up), six weeks to the day later I did a studio photography shoot. This is the first time I haven't had one booked at six weeks. Which is fine, I'm waiting for next year when I finish the hair growth challenge. But, let's see if I'm up to some selfies tomorrow. It's not like I'm un-identifiable without the weight, but I don't really look like my pictures anymore... Also, for manifestation purposes: there's a giant clothing swap coming up in April, and Universe, I'm looking for athletic pants and interesting pairs of slacks that are either plenty long enough, or look even better worn cropped.

Well, just about, that's tomorrow. But I made an unsettling discovery yesterday. Brace yourself, I'm going to say it again - recent 50lb weight loss! Part of the "spare tire" fat distribution I had on my hips/FUPA since puberty gave me an overhang over the top of my thighs. The fat is gone, but the skin still hangs there a bit. Now, the incision goes to exactly where my thigh meets my pelvis, so that skin overhang covers maybe an inch and a half of the incision. Complication number two: we identified when I had the stitches removed a couple of weeks ago that I don't have any feeling in that area, thanks to my nerve damage from 2021. I confess, I've had an awful migraine off and on for the past two weeks, so I haven't been showering as much or as thoroughly as usual. I finally took a decent shower yesterday, including lifting that skin overhang to really soap down the incision. And there's a white spot. Goddamnit. The skin around it looks fine, not red or swollen or hot or anything. I have an appointment with my PCP on Tuesday, so I'm spraying it with HOCL until then. It already looks better, but if it's still there by Tuesday, I'll show my doctor and get some antibiotics. Yet another reminder that an absence of pain doesn't mean shit when it comes to my legs, especially my left leg. Ugh. My brain already overrides my body's signals in general, remembering to be careful with my body when it doesn't send any signals at all is a real challenge, damn. Otherwise, I'm doing great. At this point, it's mostly getting the muscles in my left leg back to speed, they get fatigued pretty easily still. But, I'm even tolerating supported bending and squatting, and some light load bearing. I'm even to the point where my brain isn't clocking the length difference every time I put weight on the leg. Evening update: I had ambition today, dudes. I washed my bedding for the first time since the day before surgery blitz, fully unpacked my surgery bag and put it back in its spot in the closet, put my swap pile into an official swap bag, and kitchen tested a recipe before writing it up for my other blog. Also, here is a picture of my floofiest son Milosh, and his silvervine stick. Can you believe he was half bald when he was a micro kitten? I was shopping for teacup dog and guinea pig sized sweaters and sweatshirts for him, because I didn't ever think he'd grow fur (or be any bigger than three pounds, he's 12lbs nowadays). He showed me! The silver patches are left over from the fever coat he was covered with when he was tiny.

This has been a rant of mine now for almost 30 years, so brace yourselves... The first thing you learn when you get into "alternative spirituality" is transcendental meditation. That's pretty much the bedrock of any "magical" practice - the meditative state is where you work with energy and communicate with the divine. And one of the easiest meditations to do is a past life regression, plus it's "spiffy," so a lot of people start right off with viewing snippets of lives they've lived before. Look, other meditation teachers can do what they want, but if I'm teaching meditation? We're not starting out with past life regressions. And I am happy to tell you exactly why! "Spiritual psychosis" is a fairly new term for me, but I've been watching it happen for decades, and it's that too early past life regression that tends to do it. And it's obvious why it happens, it's the people who are dissatisfied with their current life, and think that the life they saw in the regression they did was so much more interesting. Whether they saw themselves as ancient royalty, or just as a common person living a meaningful life, they become obsessed with that life as a way to not have to live their current, boring life. I saw the danger of that as a teenager, and told my spirit team that my past lives were on a need-to-know basis. When you spend a lot of time in meditation, sometimes past life memories kind of pop up. I re-affirmed for decades that I wanted as little as possible to come through. I didn't want to know about my past lives at all, because I knew I had to be myself, now. That I'm living this life right now for a reason, and I need to put all my focus on it. It's only been recently, in midlife, as I'm feeling solid in who I am right now, that I've told my spirit team that I'm okay with knowing a little bit more about my soul's past. And, you know... I kinda don't care that much. I keep getting a lot of readings recently about how "you were really important in a past life!" and I'm like "cool, dude" and that's about it. I figure, if I was someone important, that would explain my natural leadership skills, and I know I have at least one lifetime of leadership experience to tap into for my work in this life but... I don't need to know the details to do that. Knowing who you were in past lives should be a tool, having the knowledge that you have done it before successfully, and therefore can do it again in this life. Or having the knowledge of how you fucked it up in the last life, so you don't fuck it up the same way again this time. If you're doing past life regressions without this framework, and using them as an escape from this life, it's like giving a circular saw to a kid in woodworking class and not giving them the safety training - they may split some wood, sure, but they'll probably lose a hand in the process. This is also why "ego death" is such an important goal of magical practitioners. Spiritual psychosis tends to happen when people approach their true selves from a place of ego. The truth is, every human being, when they've been taught how to access their divine abilities, is powerful beyond measure. But if you're encountering that power from a place of ego, the power becomes corrupted. You need to learn how to access your magic from a place beyond ego, and that place is generally "what was I given these gifts to do in the world? How can I benefit my community and humanity as a whole?" Those are the kinds of questions you were asking yourself in those past lives you found so intriguing, because you found them so meaningful. And that takes approaching your practice from a place where your ego is not present. If you're here to be magical, you're here to serve others. And if you're given these gifts and use them from a place of ego... that's why we reincarnate, boo. You have to do it until you get it right. Basically, do you want to be Gandalf, or do you want to be Saruman? Gandalf the Grey, everyone's favorite unassuming weed grandpa wizard, had the strength and the power and the selflessness that comes from practicing from a lack of ego to sacrifice himself to the Balrog to save Middle Earth, and come back as Gandalf the White. Saruman, however, was so in his ego he was able to be drawn in by Sauron to actively try to destroy Middle Earth. Be like Gandalf. And while we're on the subject of ego death, let's get it straight that it's not convincing yourself that you're "nobody" or "a worm" or "an empty vessel" or any crap like that. If you want to transcend your ego, you need to know exactly who you are, and that means knowing, understanding, and acknowledging your full power, and also knowing, understanding, and acknowledging your limitations. It means doing your healing and your shadow work, so you are bringing your full, incorporated, authentic self to the table at all times; body, mind, and spirit. And it means understanding your power fully and thinking "I can use this to better humanity," not "I am so special." Because when you're at that level in your spiritual comprehension, you're aware of how interconnected we all are, on the energetic/soul level. When we all understand who we truly are, and then we start to come together in community, that's when real, positive change will happen.

I'm going to dive pretty deep into the woo here, brace yourselves... But first, some Auntie Lore: I was born into a prominent Seventh-Day Adventist family. If you know anything about that sect of Christianity, it's very, very focused on the Book of Revelations, including hosting a week-long deep-dive into the book and Ellen G. White's "The Great Controversy" every October called the "Revelation Seminar" (which incidentally inspired David Koresh to start the Branch Davidian compound, but that's neither here nor there...). Discussions on who is secretly the antichrist were the highlight of every childhood Sabbath dinner, and preparing for the apocalypse to start tomorrow is part of being a devout Adventist. I grew up with bug-out bags, and evacuation plans, and food co-op memberships for bulk purchases, and pantries stocked for self-sufficiency. And paranoia, anxiety, and depression. For the record, I learned last year that my family was very prominent in the Romani community back in Transylvania, and for the exact same reasons they made themselves prominent in the SDA church when my grandfather converted in the 1930's, which I think is wildly synchronistic. Also, I'm definitely keeping up the family religion, I just bypassed the past two generations and went back to the Old World for it. Sorry not sorry, Grandpa 🤣🤣 Okay, back to the actual post. You know how I said the other day I'm on alternative spirituality YouTube? To bring those who are not up on the current discussion to speed, all the buzz is on the 3D/5D split. What does that mean? Well, if we were to put it in Book of Revelations terms, it's the New Jerusalem being brought to earth by the return of the Christ. Now, obviously, Jesus Christ the historical figure is not going to magically appear on a white horse to make this happen. What is currently happening, is that the Christ Consciousness is awakening in humanity. We're realizing, as a species, that we've painted ourselves into a corner, and that we need to collectively raise our energy to fix the situation and continue on as a species. 3D/5D is shorthand for that energy raising - 3D is the "old energy" of patriarchy, and religious control, and consumption/pollution. 5D is the "new energy" of equality, and personal spiritual connection, and community collaboration. While I still have members of my extended family who hold positions of authority in the SDA church, my immediate family left when I was 13, and by 16 I was consciously maintaining my chakras on a daily basis. I'm also asexual, so I've basically kept all that refined energy to myself over the years. Now, I did this for my own health and comfort, I had no aspirations beyond calming my mind and body, and protecting myself from external attacks. But, I ended up making myself the perfect receptacle for new energy on earth at just the right point in history. Whoops. This means I put myself in the vanguard. I was on the new earth energy anchor team, and I was in the first group to move to the 5D timeline. I'm not saying this to brag. It was hard, dudes. I lost almost everything in my life to do it. Which means I am lovingly giving this advice from a place of "been there, and I've gotten to the place you want to be." If I say "you need to prepare yourself for a time of self-sufficiency, because there will be a time without electricity, internet, or commerce (since we've linked our commercial systems so deeply with our electrical grids and internet access)," and your reaction is "THIS WILL KILL PEOPLE AND COMPLETELY RUIN THE 5D TRANSITION, DOOMING US ALL TO 3D FOREVERRRRRRR!!!!" First of all, you're going to want to address that shadow that creates that fear for you. Consider this - the coal industry was just expanded in America. That's what powers your electricity. If a grid shut-down forces us to turn to what we're calling "alternative energy sources" right now, wouldn't that both save a lot of future pollution, and a lot of lives, considering coal mining is one of the deadliest occupations out there? Consider this - AI can't exist without electricity or internet. How much water are we saving with just a week's outage? How much water are we saving if we evolve both technologies without AI because of this outage? Or at least without water usage to run the AI? Consider this - without phone or internet access, people will need to rely on face-to-face interaction with their neighbors. A week or two of this will build strong community ties that transcend political tribalism even after the lights and Facebook come back on. You know how I said up there that I had to lose almost everything in my life to transition to 5D? I was only able to keep the people and things that were high enough energetically to follow me. That meant losing three careers. That meant losing so many people. That meant losing my public reputation. There are a LOT of things that cannot go into the 5D timeline. If you are afraid of losing a 3D technology or 3D way of life, you need to clear that fear before you can make it out of the 3D yourself. You need to allow the old world to be destroyed for the new world to be born. And that's going to happen on a personal and worldwide level. It takes a lot of trust that the Universe's plan is perfect, and happening exactly the way it needs to happen. Living in 5D energy also means you are a sovereign being. A sovereign being takes full responsibility for themselves - body, mind, and spirit. That means knowing how to properly care for yourself in any situation, and being prepared to do so. And that does not mean hyper-individuality! That means having a clear understanding of what your gifts and talents are - what you CAN do, and where your limits and boundaries are - what you CAN'T do. And knowing who in your circle has the opposite gifts and talents as you, so you can ask each other to help with the thing each of you can't do. This is how we build our community in 5D, knowing ourselves fully and bringing our gifts to the table. Christians call this the "Body of Christ," but I think I'd rather call it the "Voltron of Community." All of the pieces of Voltron are badass fighting robots on their own, but when they combine forces as Voltron, the bad guys are going to get one hell of an ass whooping, and they know it. So, like I said before, prepare to make the transition. Prepare for self-sufficiency for a week or two. I've written two completely free and un-monetized blog posts on how to do so now (the other one is linked earlier in the post), and I am not the only person sharing this information out there by any means, please do more research on self-sufficiency beyond just my blogs. Encourage the people around you to also make preparations, and to also encourage their people to do the same. The more people who are prepared to care for themselves no matter what happens to the old system, the easier the transition will be.

You wonder why I am the way I am? Let me tell you, using stars and planets... Sun & Mercury (retrograde) are both Gemini, 10th House. I have indeed built my career and reputation in various aspects of communication, everything from writing branded social media copy, to delivering personal messages from Spirit through one-on-one tarot card readings. I also credit this placement for how musically oriented I am, and my talent in social science. Moon is in Scorpio, 4th House. "Oh, that's why she's a goth with a penchant for witchcraft and a disturbing love of horror movies and frolicking in dangerous water and wave conditions" is the tippiest tip of the iceberg there. You have no idea how deep the secrets go no matter which branch of the family tree you shake. And you may think that putting out your whole damn natal chart would make a Scorpio Moon feel over-exposed, but as you read on, you'll probably notice I have a completely different idea of what constitutes self-overexposure than most people. Leo Ascendant. I am absolutely the quintessential "black cat girlfriend." Venus in Taurus, 9th House. Have I been a hedonist ever since Lestat explained the concept in one of Anne Rice's novels? Yep. Mars in Libra, 2nd House. Does the lingerie modeling make a lot more sense now, despite the asexuality? Yep. Auntie needs an excuse to wear ALL the pretty things, and as an areligious, asexual person in perimenopause doesn't see their body as a sexual object that needs to be covered for modesty's sake. This goes along with the Leo Ascendant, and the comfort and bravery with the physical form that goes with it, and that Neptune & Lilith in Sagittarius down there adds a whole lot of creativity and boundary-pushing to the expression of the physical form. Saturn & Pluto (both retrograde) in Libra, 3rd House. Let's just say I'm actively involved in my community, particularly in leadership roles. Have been for years now. This hasn't exactly made me everyone's favorite person. These positions would explain that, as well. Jupiter (retrograde) in Scorpio, 3rd House. See above. Uranus (retrograde) in Sagittarius, 4th House. I am, indeed, the "black sheep" of the family, pretty much every way you look at it. Neptune (retrograde) + Black Moon Lilith in Sagittarius, 5th house. Behold, the perfect recipe for AuDHD hyper-imagination and maladaptive daydreaming! As well as the source of my unblinkingly dark AF and lightning quick humor, and general sense of goofiness and childlike awe. Chiron in Taurus, 10th House. Just in case you were wondering why I'm on six major structural surgeries by the age of 43. Or why my health ruined my career. And why I'm on my third application for SSI Disability in six years after my latest denial (yes, I have a lawyer). Or why I'm allergic to so many things. North Node in Cancer, 11th House / South Node in Capricorn, 5th House. I sure did have "childhood adversity," that's why I have fibromyalgia/central sensitization syndrome. And it sure did stem from being "different." And guess who gets to heal their trauma and develop their emotional IQ out the ass while struggling to learn how to maintain healthy relationships as a result? Yeah. Yeah, that is a lot of retrogrades. They foretold my coming 🤣🤣🤣 As for Aspects... Sun Square Moon. You know, that Gemini public persona vs. that Scorpio home & family focus. I may look extroverted, but I actually recharge my battery by smoking weed in bed while watching movies with my cats. Venus Trine Mars. I am beauty fucking personified. That's sarcasm. But I am very aesthetically focused, and I mean that in the original way, and not in the "Americana coastal grandma tomato girl" way. Mercury Opposition Jupiter. What can I say, I'm a communicator. Saturn Conjunct Ascendant. So, I have that balancing, maturing Libra influence on my Leo persona... I am Mufasa.

It's 40°F outside right now!! The giant snow overhang outside of my bedroom window is obviously melting. This is pretty common weather behavior in Michigan in February. You'll get a day or three where it can even get up to 60°F, a lot of the existing snow melts off, you start to feel that little budding of spring hope... and then a bomb cyclone hits an Atlantic clipper right over your county, and dumps another three feet of snow on you. And then we rinse and repeat this process again around the same time in March. When it happens in April, you can actually trust the melt-off. But, this is useful for keeping the snow levels reasonable between obscene dumps, and prevents April flooding. You know how I said yesterday that I was going to go play around with an Irish scone recipe? And that I had a lot of prior experience with the original so that I was pretty certain I could get a good allergy-safe version going pretty quickly? First try, my family declared them the best scones I have ever made, and that I should never use any other recipe again. They said that about my cornbread, too, the first time I made that allergy safe. aka, the recipe that spawned the whole blog, one year ago exactly. Which I didn't even think about until today, because I started the blog the Tuesday after the Super Bowl last year, that's how I remember when I started it. And I started the blog because this was during a large egg shortage, that didn't touch me at all considering I'm allergic to eggs anyway. And it being the Tuesday AFTER the Super Bowl made me salty that I didn't think about sharing my egg-free cornbread recipe publicly BEFORE the big potlucking event, when I likely would have made some numbers, despite my recipe blog having a hyper-specific audience. So, when it comes to how I adapted the scones - souring oat milk with raw apple cider vinegar makes a buttermilk replacement so convincing, you'd swear this was a sour cream scone recipe. And I used pork lard instead of butter, mostly because my lard was older than my beef tallow, therefore I was prioritizing it. And since it's made with all-purpose flour, you can switch out an all-purpose gluten-free baking mix to make them gluten-free. Here's the recipe.

How long should I be doing these recovery count-outs, anyway? Final post-op appointment is the 20th, so likely to week 7... which is pretty impressive, spine all took 12 weeks for full recovery. I would have assumed it would take about that long to heal bone around a titanium implant, but this is going lickety-split. I mean, January, as January tends to do, seemed to drag on forever, but as time spent on opioids also tends to do seemed to go by in a blink. I'm honestly kind of in shock that I'm already this far into recovery. As for how my hip is actually doing, it's doing really well. I sat down a little fast yesterday, and that caused a little pain, but it was definitely my fibromyalgia going "SLOW DOWN TURBO OMG IS EVERYONE OKAY?!?!?" A little stretch, little light massage, and a little rest calmed it down pretty well. It's still a little nerve-y today, I may up my Cymbalta temporarily to calm it down more. But I'm even getting out a little! My town's American Legion starts their Lenten Fish Fry during Carnival season. Might as well, everyone's stir-crazy by this point of the winter, and it's a huge fundraiser for them... anyway, my butt was in my seat at doors for opening night this past Friday, eating all-you-can-eat fried fish, with my next-door neighbors at the next table. I also updated my recipe blog for the upcoming holidays... I've had ideas for romantic at-home Valentine's Day dinner dates up for awhile, and now I have a whole menu up of allergy safe recipes that can be made edibles for 4/20. I'm definitely going to work on a St. Patrick's Day menu, too. I originally wrote "probably," but the more I wrote this paragraph, the more I started brainstorming 🤣🤣 I know that it's not really celebrated as more than a church holiday in Ireland, pagans won't celebrate because snakes = druids (supposedly), and that it's basically just an excuse to get shitfaced in America. But it gives me an excuse and a deadline to experiment with dairy/gluten/egg/nut free soda bread and scones for the Irish and Americans of Irish descent with food allergies, and work on some healthier drinks that won't interfere with your meds like cheap green beer, Guinness or Harp, or shots of Jameson will, and will be tasty spring tumbler fillers that aren't toxic sludge like WaterTok concoctions are. Watch this happen fast, I'm one of those Americans of Irish descent who spent their teens and 20's celebrating St. Patrick's Day with the local Gaelic League, and going home to a crock pot of corned beef and cabbage (a fully American tradition, I know, but dudes, it's so cheap in the days before the holiday), and a loaf of soda bread in the Dutch oven. So, these are recipes I have a fair amount of experience with the original versions of, I should be able to de-allergy-fy them fairly easily. Okay, I'm about to get some scones going...