Search Results

If you're interested in learning more about this dream phenomenon, check out Reddit's r/TheMallWorld You may or may not be the kind of highly online person who knows about the phenomenon of what's being called "Mall World," what seems to be a shared dreamspace for thousands of thousands of people where the dreams themselves are not recurring at all, but occur in the same dream places (a mall is a prominent feature, but so are a few schools, an airport, a fancy hotel, a hospital, a beach with tsunamis (don't ask, but we're all there vacationing for some reason), and generally a childhood home factors in as a home base, too. And the dreams aren't recurring, but they feature the same dream characters and everyone involved has shared past memories of prior dream happenings. This means a LOT of people are figuring out lucid dreaming, because you don't need small tells like being able to read, when this location is obviously Mall World, and that location is obviously physical reality, and therefore you can act accordingly. Inception got that wrong. I have a very firm grasp of when the laws of gravity matter, thank you. I've been a Mall World dreamer for three or maybe four years now, at least since spine surgery 4&5 in early 2023, possibly earlier, but after that is when I really started noticing Mall World. Anyway, if you've been following my posts over the past few days, you'll know I've been miserable, and because of that not sleeping. I finally got to the point where I passed out hard last night. 15 hours worth, with two wake-ups to change into a dry nightgown, and re-arrange the bedsheets so I'm not in the soaked spot. And, I think I had my future plan laid out for me. The dream started in my "Mall World Condo" as we're hosting a big party, like a holiday shindig, but a bunch of fighting breaks out, like a war, and because I'm the kind of lucid dreamer that can blow up tanks with my mind (and enjoy doing so, btw!), I locked our shit down, and told everyone to find a spot to sleep for the night, which, of course, I can create if needed, this is my Mind Palace after all... and the longer this went on, the more we enjoyed the lifestyle. And the longer it went on, the more kinds of people started coming in for refuge... we had people fostering special need babies, rescuing animals, etc, etc... And as we're creating our little bubble of serenity in the midst of chaos, a restaurant owner comes in, and wants to help us spread what we're doing... like, featured meals from our commune menu, cooking classes, etc... And then, we start producing our own products - food products, health & body care products, weed was definitely in there, I am yr Weed Auntie after all! And that brings us to corporate's attention, but in a way that makes us bloom, not get bought out and bastardized. It really felt like "pitching my idea to corporate" was more like presenting a PhD thesis to a board of high spirit guides or something, like I was proving my competency for the title and chance to move on. After this, I kept "waking up" into different parts of the future of the commune, and I kept having to ask "what year is this? How long have we been doing this?" because all of a sudden the foster babies are teens goofing around in the rec room, and I just woke up from diapering them. And a few of those wake-ups were travelling - staying in a Tibetan nunnery, riding a bullet train along a never-ending city night skyline, etc, etc... Ultimately, the commune itself was built on my "grandfather's land" - a real property from my childhood that my grandfather built himself from the cornerstone in the 50's, and his second wife convinced him to sell some 15 years ago. It's been a Mall World touchpoint for me this whole time. In both spaces it's in a rural area. And my "condo" in the city turned into the business HQ, with meeting rooms and treatment rooms, a big ol' teaching kitchen, and living space for the commune members who stay there to keep it up in-between time at Home Base. Can I say, my Mall World dreams up until now have been fucking stressful. Having a very laid-back life in my waking hours is about the only thing that kept me heading in every night. But this? I was BEGGING my spirit team to tell me how to make this happen IRL. And I did ask for specific date info, and it looks like 2036-2037 is when this could really happen, but I have to start now (which I have been doing with my recipe blog, and apparently now with this blog, too). And going back to the title... is this it? Do I get to have less stressful dreams now?? Please please please...

It doesn't help that I still can't keep anything down on my effervescent digestive system (I just took a third dose of activated charcoal, and I'm still gassy! And yes, I am aware that activated charcoal cancels out my other meds, this is that serious). Or that I haven't slept in 32 hours because of that. Or that my day started right out with bad news. Or that the drop of sedentary mid-winter healing hit this weekend, after a holiday season packed full of pre-op planning. Or that the ambient mood in the world is way off, for obvious reasons. I've basically been crying all day. Not super fun. But for some reason, today feels more like an ending than anything. Like there's nothing else to look forward to now, which is of course ridiculous. But, it's also kinda where I am, too. Right now, I heal a leg. That'll take me through March, and then... fuck me if I know. My future is very up in the air right now, like it has been for the past 3 years. I'm not used to it. Trust me.

My digestive system has always been pretty fragile, comes with the neurodivergency and all. The short leg and pelvic tilt that the hip replacement fixed didn't help that any, nor does my spinal cord injury or the abdominal fascia trigger points from my huge tits that choke off my intestines... This is what I'm pretty sure happened yesterday: I'm eating bigger portions than I usually do right now, to get my body the calories it needs to heal. But, I'm following the hospital's constipation prevention methods... and I usually take three times as much Senokot as they had me taking up until yesterday. So, my large intestine was full to capacity. Not blocked or impacted, just not moving. That meant that stuff was hanging around in my small intestine waiting for it's turn to digest. And I added something to that chemical mix that filled my intestines up with gas like an overworked clown making balloon animals. I think it's the chili, but who knows, could be any of the medications I'm on. That meant I had to deal with the distended, too painful to touch belly by first clearing out my large intestine (which took all day yesterday), and then by neutralizing the gas and moving it out of the small and into the large to pass. That took literally all night. I didn't sleep a wink. I also haven't consumed more than water and Miralax in the past 32 hours, so everyone's convinced I'm going to pass out and screw up my hip. The kicker? I waited nine months to get in to see a Gastroenterologist, after dealing with severe constipation all last year. But once I got in the office, they sent me to a Nurse Practitioner who didn't listen to me, never got me a follow-up appointment, prescribed a medication that made me very ill, and then proceeded to drop me when I requested another medication that needed a prior authorization. The prior authorization was submitted in October, they never even followed up the request. And she knew full well I'd be getting my hip replaced and would need special post-op constipation precautions, I wrote her the minute I got my surgery date. So, I fully didn't have to suffer like this if some Nurse Practitioner had decided I was worth some actual care and passed me on to a doctor a few months back. Ain't American healthcare great?

My "Wegovy Bowels" aren't exactly helping here, either, but my mom was so hungry for chili last night, and saved out a bowl for me before any tomatoes or dairy went in... Current peek inside my intestinal tract. I haven't had gas blockages in my intestines this bad in a WHILE. This has honestly been the worst pain of post-op so far, and this has definitely been a very painful post-op. In other news, how the heck am I supposed to wear a sleep bonnet to bed if it's soaked through with sweat within an hour of bedtime?? Update, 4PM: I'm four teaspoons of baking soda down, and just starting to neutralize all this acid in my guts. I don't think I can eat beef anymore...

You know how I said my body is like "give me all the calories, and I want it 100% in sugar carbs!" which is to be expected, because it takes a lot of energy to heal big bone and muscle, and also I have to be off the sugar craving meds right now. This drink is helping to take the edge off the cravings. Mostly because it's packed with what my body is actually craving, so it doesn't want to spiral into comfort eating. Incoming: a new Menu on my recipe blog on how to meal plan for recovering big body trauma stuff, in the next few weeks, at least. I have recommendations now! In other post-op news, I've just taken the last of the most temporary post-op prescriptions, so now I'm looking out at more long term recovery goals from here. I still have a couple of weeks on the Oxy and Robaxin to help with healing the sutures, and after that it's back to my normal pain med routine. Meanwhile, a blizzard just kicked in that's supposed to hang around all weekend, and this mix of gloom and meds and weed and communal tension has me up in grief-nostalgia feels about everything, so I'm gonna mope in bed a lot today.

The number one anterior hip surgery restriction is no bridging your hips. Puts WAY too much pressure on the sutured muscles. Yeah, I did it on accident getting back into bed last night. Trust me, you will not do it for long, or extend it at all. But I didn't make my post-op bruising any better, Oof. All my thigh muscles are more sore than needed right now. Today'll be spent with ice packs. In other news, I'm starting to wonder if these purging sweats are actually emerging night sweats. It has been three weeks off the Pill... Yeah, my sleep wasn't great last night.

I'm talking 3B/C, very fine, highly porous, medium volume hair that has always been too fragile to grow much past my shoulders. I've been in the Natural Hair Care movement since the very beginning (all the way back in 2014...), I grew out my grey hair four years ago, I do not heat style, only steam treat, and I started a caffeinated scalp cleanse & oiling growth journey and chebe length retention journey in August 2025... right before my hip went bed. I'm also a research & FAFO kind of AuDHDist in the Nina Pool kind of way, so I do know what I'm talking about when it comes to fragile hair like mine. After night 2 of sweating out gallons of water, anesthesia leftovers, and extra white blood cells before I could sleep, my hair and sleep bonnets were pretty bad this morning. And I'm still not quite up to a full shower, so here's how I've been tackling retaining my hair health while my body health goes temporarily to shit. I spoke a bit about the prep during the pre-op shower already, but here's the details: I did my normal scalp and hair cleanse with my Kojic acid soap before the Great Safeguard Scrubdown, I did not oil my scalp (better to let the follicles breathe if I'm not attending to my proper cleansing & exfoliating routine), I did apply my usual leave-in conditioner on the strands, but I "slugged" it in with 100% pure vegetable glycerine instead of chebe butter. I'll get back to the chebe in a week or two, when I have the strength to get into my full hair routine again. After that dried, I braided it into medium-tight dutch braid pigtails - tight enough to stay intact through a lot of jostling around, not so tight it causes hair loss. I also secured the ends with small rip-proof hair-tyes, something I don't always do, but again, we're going for longevity and end protection. My silk bonnet went on about the minute I got up to my room for the night and was cognizant of the fact, and it stayed on until I sweat it off Wednesday night. I wore a silk-lined beanie to PT over the braids yesterday, and another bonnet until I ripped it off my sweat-soaked head at around 3am today. So, I finally sat on the end of my bed and addressed my hair today. Here's how I tackled that: The braids were eased out very gently, and I worked out any obvious tangles or shed hairs with my fingers. I sectioned my hair off to give my scalp and roots a healthy spray with HOCL. Once my scalp was damp with the HOCL, I got my fingers under my hair to massage it in and make sure it's well-distributed on my head. That helps get rid of any bacterial growth from the sweat. I then used a detangler/leave-in conditioner to dampen my hair with the product pretty well. Once it was wet through, I combed the product through with a Tangle Teezer brush to remove any leftover snarls or shed hairs (which it does really well, btw). I love this SoCozy Kids detangler (not paid, I just do), but use whichever is your favorite. After the product dried, I used a silk hair-tye to pull my hair into a loose "pineapple" ponytail at the top of my head, and put a clean bonnet over my freshly detangled hair. And when it comes to the internal part of hair care: Electrolytes again ftw. The brand I use is a combo of deep sea minerals, and liquid B vitamin complex, and I have been POUNDING them. I've had two regular doses back on my VitronC (considering my post-op labs showed me as real fucking anemic in favor of the White Blood Cell blast, I wanted to get that corrected ASAP), Buffered Vitamin C, Omega 3-6-9 oils, and Magnesium glycinate. My morning coffee has changed while I'm recovering and doesn't lend well to my usual collagen dosing, but I'm drinking bone broth to keep up there. And just managing my pain and maintaining my caloric intake. My body wants SUGAR, not surprising, I can't take Naltrexone while I'm on the Oxy. I'm glad I stocked up on healthier sweet calorie sources, rather than just binging on any sweets, especially when we still have Christmas cookies in the freezer. And that I did all that meal planning! Moment of truth time, then! Did I lose any length or volume to stress shed during 4.5 days of healing major surgical trauma? Nope. That's half a week of shed. Zero breakage. In other post-op news, the pain is starting to kick in where the muscles were cut and stitched, and just general suture pain. All to be expected, all controlled well enough, all will be gone in a week, I know... but it's not super fun accidentally touching the leg and my body is like "what kind of pain signal are we even supposed to go for here??" The bruising, though, is healing really fast, it's gone from bright red to almost green in just a few days. I'm not complaining! And walking is getting easier, I'm even starting to get some baby follow-through with my steps if I'm on a straight course!

I insist on it. You need to learn how to move in your body after a major change. I have anxiety, I need a professional to tell me what my new safe movements are. My new PT thinks he'll have me off my walker within two weeks, which is fine by me! Obviously, I have a ton of bruising and a foot-long incision that'll take time to heal, and there's definitely pain there. But the implant itself? Made my leg significantly longer, and corrected a pretty nasty pelvic tilt. I have balance issues from my spinal cord injury to begin with, and it's going to take a hot minute for my body to get used to this. Not to mention, I'm working on the least butt padding I've worked with since elementary school, a new hip "bone" in an unusual place on nerves used to a lot more fat padding? My exercises right now are all about learning my body again. It doesn't hurt, it's just very disorienting. But, I did the whole long hall (not a pun, believe it or not, I have a main-level ranch that's arranged on one hall that stretches the full length of the house) with baby step walk-throughs just now, so big progress in just two days!

I'm getting asked this a lot lately, so here's the deal. And TW on pretty much every physical and mental health topic out there. tl;Dr, my genetics are such a bitch (comment where that's from if you know it!) And MeeMaw is Neurodiversity. My first flare happened in 2001, when I was 19 years old. It took me out of dancing and into reiki. And it involved my old hip... my left hip subluxed, and caused a severe muscle spasm in my piriformis muscle to hold it out of place (and shoot sciatic pain down into my toes). This kept happening, both hips, over and over... at first I'd have a few years before flares, then a year, then a few months... until in 2018, the flare was so bad it locked up my entire left leg for nine months. I'm pretty sure this is what ultimately killed the cartilage in my hip. This was after a formal diagnosis of fibromyalgia, central sensitization disorder, and joint hypermobility by a doctor who specializes in fibro. It's not Ehlers Danlos or Marfan, I've been tested for both. I have not been tested for the newly discovered MTFR gene, that links hypermobility to neurodivergences, as well as a whole lot of other physical issues, many of which I and my family members on my dad's side have. Our last name means "The People of Wisdom & the Element of Air" in the Romani language, and considering the suit of Swords in the tarot, which represent wisdom/intelligence and the element of air, has been considered the most representative of neurodivergences for awhile now... I think that MTFR gene runs DEEP. Anyway, between the structural imbalance, the regular severe muscle spasms, and the hour daily (I did recovery days once a week, chill) strength training program I had myself on after the Fibromyalgia Program where I got my formal diagnoses... Once I got to the spine surgeon, I had two fully ruptured discs in two separate spinal areas, one of which had calcified around my sciatica nerve root and caused irreversible damage... hence needing a podiatrist to manage my pedicure, lest I slice into my own nailbeds without knowing or caring. I've needed two surgeries each on both sites, one to try to correct some of the nerve root damage (it didn't really work), and one to remove a tendon that had atrophied around my spinal cord, compressing it hard enough to soften and bruise about half the cord at the pressure point. The injury was bad enough that when it was released, it caused a severe cerebrospinal fluid leak - I mean days on my back with a full-flow IV to keep my brain from resting directly on my skull, and leaving me with chronic migraines. Spinal cord injuries don't heal. Or aren't supposed to heal, I'm still working on full energy flow, why not? I do my own energy work, for free. Physically, though, it's left me with a mild drop foot, a leg tremor, and balance issues that make me walk like a drunken sailor if I don't have a mobility aid to keep me straight, and keeps me a basically permanent fall risk. I'll be glad to be back to that being my "bad leg," it's had to cover for my left hip for a few years now. So far, cartilage & health wise, it's fine. but I hope I don't have to do this again in 5-10 years with that one. This is why we keep records! And then, on top of that, I developed carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands at the age of 12. I finally had it repaired in my right (yes, dominant) hand at the beginning of March 2024... and exactly 3 weeks later I fell hard on it, damaging the nerve right in the sweet spot where you're just going to have a damaged nerve there. I have a cyst growing on the joint that'll need to be removed at some point, too. I still have a lot of lingering CSS-triggered pain in my right hand, but I've managed to keep it strong and functional, at least. I highly recommend kneading bread dough by hand on the regular for that. But it still limits the use of my right thumb. Not great for a professional card shuffler. Hence being a mostly retired professional card shuffler. As for my mental health, I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD (the "u" came later) until I was 40, but I sure have had it all my life. And I was so abused for my differences by the people in my life that my fibro specialist diagnosed the abuse as the root cause of my fibromyalgia and CSS. Being raised in an end times cult, and being told the apocalypse would be starting up any day now, Praise Jesus, didn't help. So, I was one of those deeply depressed, anxious kids with OCD behaviors in the early 90's when absolutely no one wanted to subject their children to the horrors of the psychiatry of the 30's-80's that they grew up with. I didn't realize I had been living in a chronic state of panic until I started Cymbalta for my fibro symptoms in 2016. At 34 years old. Nowadays, understanding why things happened the way they did, and doing the grieving I needed for that realization to happen, and using the drugs I need, my mental health is in probably the best place it's ever been right now. Not perfect... but centered. Yes, even through all of this . Do your drugs, kids. i took the drugs, & the drugs are working Oh, by the way, none of this is enough to qualify for US SSI Disability. March marks six years since my first disability application, and yes I have a lawyer, a good lawyer. He's baffled. But I still need to work off my student loans, after all, I'm too young for this. Kids can get cancer and everyone's fine with that concept, but heaven forbid a 43 year old has genetic, progressive hypermobility. It might cost the government something. Which is why I have exactly a year left on Medicaid, as there's no way someone with All That can manage their health and putting in 40 hours a week for a paycheck, or even 20 hours a week of unpaid volunteer work with an official reporting 501c3 to qualify for the Medicaid I've been on for six years and just paid for my new hip. So... 2026 will be a year of preparation for how I'm going to manage my medical bills without any coverage at all or any income. Just like the pre-ACA days, except I have a lot more health issues now. Oh, and I'm privately un-insurable under the new regulations, because I'm chronically ill. That's what Medicare is for. That you need to access SSI Disability to access. A cheat to the question I opened with, for sticking with me here!

Here's a big ol protip for you: use a good travel mug for your hot drinks while you're recovering. I just dumped hot coffee all over myself, my bed, and my med bottles. I just fucking washed all this bedding. Had to wash it again already because I got "the sweats" last night anyway - my body finally pushed out the last of the anesthesia and extra white blood cells, just like sweating out a fever. But after that, I took my pain meds (which I have put on a schedule so they all get dosed all at once every eight hours, another lil protip for you), and slept for eight hours straight. I never do that, my AuDHD has made me a few hours here, few hours there sleeper all my life. And no, I'm absolutely not washing my bedding myself. This is why you need a caregiver at home, or you get sent to a nursing home for rehab. PT starts today, and it was not scheduled well around my (unknown at the time of scheduling) pain med schedule... so my new PT is getting Weed Auntie today. Here's a secret, tho. I started Canna Fitness back in 2018. Every time I'd take a walk, or do a strength training set, I smoked a small bowl of Sour Diesel right before starting. My body is used to incorporating cannabinoids into fitness and recovery routines. ALL my PT's know me as Weed Auntie, but I don't think they know it. Also, this is why all those snacks and all that meal planning was so important - my body needs all the calories for healing right now. I'm a pretty sparse eater nowadays with my lack of calorie burning and GI issues, but healing the biggest bone in your body? Apparently you need to eat like a pro football player. I'm glad the spare croquettes happened! And finally, my bladder issues are already starting to resolve. Thank GOD. I figured they would, I did a Urodynamic test a few months back, and my bladder is pretty much perfection, as bladders go. Same with my pelvic floor strength.

One of my favorite topics! TW: Corporate capitalism, influencer culture, medical surgery, plastic surgery, hygiene, survival living. Especially since it's been so twisted by corporate capitalism and influencer culture lately. I'm looking at you, TikTok. For instance, I just did a huge act of self care by consenting to a painful major surgery. And it wasn't a BBL just for the lewk, I'm really hoping my right leg sciatica that I've been getting steroid injections for for the past few years, as well as all the urinary and GI issues will resolve now that I don't have a shorter leg and pelvic tilt right over my naturally fused SI joint. That's self care, making sure your body is as healthy as possible. Considering the horror stories I've heard from BBL patients... getting a BBL is not "self care." Quite the opposite. And then there's the "hygiene influencers" who show everyone how to take the 3+ hour "everything shower" with their one of everything from Walmart's personal care aisle and Bath & Body Works, but many women won't soap up their labia or assholes because they were told "the vagina is a self-cleaning oven!" but that same person never bothered to explain what the vagina is, exactly. Meanwhile, actual hygiene definitely involves soap in those places... Are you "making motivational content" with your exercise and meal prep videos, or are you doing these things because you love your body, and want to help other people love their bodies, too? They are not the same thing, babes. One's motivated by money, the other by love. Both are energy vibrations. Money has a very low vibration, while love is the highest vibration of them all. You will get different results doing the exact same things with different motivations. Maybe you'll have the same physical appearance at the end, but you won't have the deep connection to your body to be truly within your body, not matter what, because you feel fully in control of your body. And that, is "self care." And do you know what people forget in our content and commerce driven culture? Rest. I highly recommend doing a deep dive into the work of Tricia Hersey . Not sponcon, I discovered her "Nap Ministry when she first brought it to Instagram probably 10+ years ago now. And, it healed my #girlboss soul. She writes for a Black Woman audience, but absolutely everyone under capitalism should be learning her philosophies. Why? Because creativity and rest go hand in hand. Creativity requires long periods of boredom for the innovation to happen, and more long periods of fucking around and finding out what you can do with that innovation. That takes a lot of down time from survival behaviors. And yet, here we all are, stuck in a social system that gives us no rest time, we need to spend all of our time on survival, and steal crumbs of time here and there, often at the expense of our sleep. No wonder we've been stuck in endless cycles of historical repetition over the past few decades. We're not allowed the time to dream of a future to be able to make a change. And that's exactly where corporate greed wants us, they want the power to dictate the future for us. Creativity is self care. Even if you're dancing in your bedroom with your blinds drawn, or scribbling in a sketchbook you never show anyone. You're putting yourself in the space for self-expression, and that builds up your creativity (and talent!) more and more. The more of us who do this, the closer we get to the Star Trek future. Let's get real about self-care again, and actually love on ourselves, not just follow consumer trends. Do you need to drink more water? Go on a daily walk to get your body moving and your mind right? Cut certain foods or drinks that just aren't worth what they do to your body anymore? Do you have to do some research and be your own medical advocate? Incorporate a bedtime routine to wind down and get better sleep? Set alarms to take your meds or supplements regularly? Set aside at least an hour a day to read or paint or work a puzzle? Take a class? Do a wardrobe refresh, or reset? Schedule regular social time with family and friends? Do it. You only get one body and one mind, and as someone who got the shit end of the stick for both from birth, it's so, so important to come at your physical interface from a place of love and care, not extreme discipline or extreme neglect.

My nurse told me from first bandage inspection that I had some pretty significant bruising at the incision site, which is to be expected. I still saw a bunch of red blotchy stains coming out from under the clear plastic parts of the surgical dressing, but it didn't look like blood exactly to me, more like the post-op drain fluid, but my dressing itself was dry.. It wasn't until they went past the dressing that I realized it's THAT kind of a bruise. All of my cats are mad they can't be on my lap. It's a freaking long incision, from where my hip meets my FUPA to about halfway to my knee, dang. Fresh protip: unless you have a commode next to your bed, don't let your bladder get too full. It takes three times as long to get to the toilet, and I almost peed myself. This makes dyspraxia dangerous, for sure. Other fresh protip - set your med alarms. I know I said I was going to do it yesterday, but the AuDHD took over and I didn't. That meant a VERY painful 3am potty run. Speaking of the toilet... get a riser. I was told I'd likely need one because I'm so tall. Sure enough, first pee home, I got stuck on the regular toilet seat.