As far as my youngest, floofiest son is concerned, "Crimus" is the funny, sparkly not tree we hang toys on that he can't play with but that he can sleep under on a soft blankie. His name is Milosh, by the way. This is the second post he's been in, and I don't think I've properly introduced him yet... My Christmas Spirit has been a bit lacking this year, for obvious reasons. We usually try to catch at least one holiday concert or show, that didn't happen this year. I haven't really been in the mood for Christmas movies or music, either. It's left me with a lot of time to dwell on all the things that made the holidays special when I was a kid that really don't exist anymore - the family trip to the mall to see Santa, and Tillie the Talking Christmas Tree? The mall that had Tillie was bulldozed and built over years ago now. The Christmas Day road trip to visit family downstate? All deceased. Only one lives down there anymore, and she prefers to come up to the city for holidays. The Christmas movie? Thanks, Covid. I think I'll take boring Christmas to overbooked Christmas, though... I remember how burned out I was during Career Girl Christmases, when my work doubled or tripled as my social obligations did the same. We'd go absolutely overboard with festivity to juice ourselves up to get through it. And then we'd barrel right into events season, it wasn't like we had a break afterwards. I definitely miss being functional and capable and certainly miss having a steady paycheck, but there are a lot of toxic elements of corporate culture I don't miss at all. Anyway, here we are at Christmas Eve Eve, and that went by a lot faster than expected! Turns out blogging is a great hyperfocus to timesuck into, heh. This is also t-minus 13 days to new hip. Thank heavens, it's getting really bad, and I am weary. By the way, the best way to win Whameggedon is to not go out and not listen to the radio 😅😅 Speaking of, it's almost time for my playlist to shine!! A little history here - the real "War on Christmas" is my family's Christmas music preferences. My mom wants it as traditional as possible - 1960's Mormon Tabernacle Choir traditional. My grandma would prefer a little poppier - your Andy Williams, and Bing Crosby with The Andrews Sisters. My dad despises all of that, and will only listen to Mannheim Steamroller, Trans Siberian Orchestra, and Lindsey Stirling. Meanwhile, me and my brother like weird novelty songs that my mom has always claimed have ruined Christmas completely for her. So, I made a playlist for our family's Christmas Eve celebrations, where the first couple of hours is a mix acceptable to the older half of the family, and the second part is for the younger. I also went ahead and made the second half play you through all of Whameggedon to full immunity. Happy Hannukah to all! Also, there is no Mariah on this playlist. There is one cover, it’s a “good” one. One song about how that song ruined Christmas, too.

If there's a word for 2025, it'd be "hygiene." All of a sudden, thanks to people talking about it openly on the internet, women especially are learning what no one bothered to teach us before. Which means we're beating the hormonal stank in ways our mothers and grandmothers didn't. But, one thing that all the hygiene influencers I've seen have in common is hair removal - they all shave their body hair. I stopped removing my body hair altogether after my last spine surgery. The spinal cord bruising makes me dizzy, and the drop foot in my right leg makes me unstable. I could sit, sure, but between showering, skincare, and haircare, personal grooming is exhausting, seated or not. If it's not essential for my health and well-being, I'm not wasting my spoons on it. Oh, and because all of that is exhausting, I'm not doing it every day... more like every 2-3 days, if I'm feeling good. Up to a week in between when it gets bad. So, I need to know how to keep up without a full shower, as well. And, we've established that I've followed a crunchified personal care regimen since I was a pre-teen, which means I'm doing this with natural, often homemade or single-ingredient products. So, let's break down hairy bit by hairy bit how to stay smelling sweet without maintaining hair removal in the process. Again, this is not a monetized blog, and these are not paid endorsements! I genuinely like and buy these products! The Soap: The base of all of this is a good antibacterial soap. I happen to be a Safeguard Bar Soap girlie. I find it gentle enough to use everywhere, everyday. Tattoo enthusiasts especially go for Dial Gold Soap. And basically everyone outside of the US will tell you to use Dettol Soap. Hibiclens comes up a lot, too, but that stuff makes me itch like fuck. I'm not too thrilled about the double wipedown in it in a couple of weeks as is. And please do not put Hibiclens in your crotch or on your face! The Genitalia: Okay, this has come up a lot lately, and it's shocking how many women don't know this. What's the point of sex ed if whole grandmothers don't know this?? The "vagina" is the inside part of the women's genitalia. The tube between the labia and the cervix. The labia is the outside part, the bits with the clitoris and all the folds and such. And then the Mons Pubis is over that, that's the hairy part. Now, apparently gynecologists have been telling their patients "the vagina is a self-cleaning oven" for years, likely in an attempt to get them to stop douching with Lysol: You thought that was an exaggeration? Problem being, because "vagina" has become slang for the female genitalia as a whole, women are hearing this and not washing their labia & Mons Pubis, for it is all "vagina" and therefore a self-cleaning oven. Ladies, please use any of the soaps named above on your vulva. If a tampon touches it while in use, don't put soap there, but otherwise, it needs soap and water. Using a washcloth for this task makes it extra effective. That goes for your butthole, too, just going to say it. Soap's got to go there, and it's got to be rinsed off properly, too. I have always insisted on having a "shower massage head" purely for the detachable shower head so I can get lots of water rinsing down there. I tried a Tushy bidet, and while it worked on me, it flushed all the fecal matter under the toilet seat, so... I find a portable bidet is better, but YMMV on that one. Baby wipes. I see influencers using Dickinson's witch hazel wipes which are wonderful but hella expensive, or wipes from small companies which look great... but baby wipes are the same thing, for half the cost. The teddy bears on rocking horses on the package do not bother me. When I was a working woman and didn't want to carry a whole package of baby wipes around with me, I bought individually wrapped wipes from Always. Nowadays, you can get wipes for just about everything and in every kind of packaging from Dollar Tree. Hypochlorous acid or HOCL - I find that when I need a little "oomph" to the wipe, I give it a couple of sprays of HOCL before using it. I will also spritz the crotch of my panties if they're starting to get ripe, the HOCL kills the bacteria making the smell. Lavender essential oil. Okay, this is a "use at your discretion" kind of tip - I always made sure to not wear it to my annual so my gyno could make sure my body's scent was normal, but I forgot one time and she said the habit was perfectly fine as long as it didn't cause any irritation. That being said, you may want to discuss it with your own gyno before trying it. Anyway, you put one drop of lavender essential oil into the crotch of your panties, neat. Do not do this if you're wearing an adhesive pad or liner in your panties, the chemical combo does not agree with the adhesive. I haven't done this as a daily habit in awhile, but I did it daily both as a student in my 20's and as an office girl in my 30's, both requiring long days seated in an office chair building up a good swamp ass. That drop of lavender meant that my panties may be moist, but they smell like a French field in summer. Cotton panties. Or hemp, if you're extra crunchy. Or mulberry silk, if you're fancy. Natural fibers, is what I'm saying here. Pass on the polyester, for the most part. I know I have those polyester fast-dri panties on my hospital list, I've always had a lot of success with that particular kind being legit fast drying. But packages of cute panties from Shein? Not for everyday wear, babe. "Period Panties" or panty liners - there are so many options here! Disposable panty liners have been the standard for years, but if disposables aren't your vibe, Lil Helper makes all kinds of reusable absorbent products, and pretty much every panty maker makes an absorbent panty nowadays. Stay hydrated. Your self-cleaning oven can't function without cleaning fluid. And urine doesn't have a lot of odor when you're properly hydrated, so if you do drip a little? It's not as crucial as when your hydration is out of balance. So, you have "chub rub"? I recommend using a "friction defense stick" like GoldBond's before putting your favorite dusting powder over the top. But, the GOAT is to just wear cotton biker shorts as your underwear. Also, you really don't want to use that dusting powder in the crotch of your panties, there were all kinds of uterine cancer lawsuits over that in Africa and India awhile back. Stick to the HOCL and lavender oil there. Armpit & Underboob* *or any place where skin rests on skin and collects sweat Soap it all down. I usually soap both areas up before soaping up my African Net Sponge for a whole body scrub-down, those parts included. So, they get like a double hit of the antibacterial soap. If you have any places where skin rests on skin, don't forget to lift them to soap and rinse the whole area, and make sure to dry it properly. I'll talk more about that in a minute. The Three-Step Odor Eliminating Deodorant Process First layer: Raw Apple Cider Vinegar. This'll balance your skin's PH, make it a terrible place for bacteria to live. ProTip: don't put it in a spray bottle. The Mother will grow in the bits and clog it up so badly you'll have to toss the spray mechanism. Use cotton balls or pads to apply it. Second Layer: HOCL. This'll disinfect the area, leave you with a bacteria-free (or at least with far, far less bacteria than before) surface for your deodorant paste. Third layer: The Deodorant Paste. 2 parts raw coconut oil (it has to be raw, refined won't work) 1 part cornstarch, arrowroot powder, or tapioca starch 1 part baking soda 3 parts geranium essential oil 3 parts clary sage essential oil 2 parts lavender essential oil 1 part Ylang ylang essential oil Whip all ingredients together in a non-reactive bowl with a hand mixer. Store in a shallow jar with a tight lid away from direct light, and allow to sit overnight before using. To use: apply a small pea sized amount to the hairy area of the armpit, be sure to coat all hair strands and work down to the skin. The paste will melt as it warms to the body. The essential oils are technically optional. They are, however, natural hormone regulators, according to essential oil research (which is, you know... but whatever, because of my next point). They are also all delightful floral fragrances, and whenever I wear this combo I'm complimented by absolutely everyone I walk past. You can leave them out altogether, and the combo of the three base ingredients is enough to be effective odor control. Or, you can create your own fragrance combo. Just, be sure to not use any citrus oils during the summer months if you show the sun your armpits. Citrus oils make your skin more prone to sunburn and UV damage. You can't use one of the base ingredients? I recommend looking into any of the commercial "all over deodorants" with ingredients you can use that are effective for you. For me, this three step process will hold for up to 72 hours. And it can also be done from step one as a freshen-up, I might take a cotton ball of Dickinson's Micellar Cleanser to my armpit first to remove any old deodorant, but this process will take me from stress sweat to public appropriate nice and fast when I don't have spoons for a full shower, or even a partial shower. When it comes to skin on skin places like underboob, and skin folds, you will likely be happier subbing the aforementioned Friction Defense Stick - or your own blend of oils, butters, and waxes - before liberally applying your favorite dusting powder. Again, make sure the area is as dry as possible before applying these two products. The girlies are getting Eos powder and Lush powder and that's lovely, but you can easily use the cornstarch, arrowroot powder, or tapioca starch you already have in your kitchen. The girlies are also putting it in beautiful cut crystal jars, but something with a good seal is best. Go ahead and splurge on the powder puff, tho. All dusting powder is, is layering your favorite kitchen starch over cotton balls saturated in your favorite fragrances, whether that be oils or perfumes or a mix of both. The girlies are customizing their scents here. If you're using this on an area that will be skin-on-skin all day, make sure you don't use a fragrance or oil that will irritate your skin. Again, keep your jar out of direct light, and let it sit overnight before using. The Bonus Non-Hairy Spot Hygiene Tip Start scraping your tongue. It makes a huge difference in your oral health. And it's far more effective than just brushing your tongue, trust me. Don't let your tongue get hairy!

tl;dr - no. That's me, just a few days ago. 43 years old and just past my half-birthday. No makeup, no filters or alterations of any kind, physical or digital. Selfie camera on my iPhone SE 2020. Mix of natural and LED light. Not saying I'm "beautiful," but my hair is awfully dark for being virgin, and my lines are awfully fine still. Say it with me, ladies - I DON'T OWE ANYONE "PRETTY"! "Pretty" is not my function as a human woman on this planet. I have a personal philosophy of aging with grace. I don't want Botox, or fillers, or a facelift, I just want to live in my face and put my money towards other things. This doesn't mean I'm anti-plastic surgery, I'm on the VERY LONG waiting list for a reduction mastectomy. But, I like having an expressive face. The ability to purposefully arrange my face in an appropriate expression has been an important masking ability of mine my whole life. And structurally, we're in a place in human history where we're generations upon generations into the making of each and every human being, thousands upon thousands of people throughout history contributed to this particular configuration of DNA that is me - as much as there are things (like the hypermobility, fuck) that I rather regret kept getting passed down until it landed on me, my face feels sacred in this way. That being said, in the second half of 43, I am fighting to keep my skin tight and unlined as long as I possibly can. I didn't say I wasn't vain, I said I liked being expressive, whoops. I may not owe anyone, including myself, "pretty" but I certainly owe myself properly hydrated organs and regular UV protection. While I do have the genetic [advantage?] of having that very soft, elastic neurodivergent skin, I also spent my teens and 20's following a very simple, very crunchy skincare regimen that would be absolutely appropriate for a "Gen Alpha Influencer." Nowadays, I've added in serums. But, the biggest difference I've seen is from the internal components - the hydration and nutrients. I'll break it all down below. I'll also link to the exact products I use, please know this blog is completely un-endorsed! These companies don't even know who I am beyond a customer number. External - the skincare! In order of application: Evening - Cleanse with a gentle, real soap. I have bounced between Dr. Bronner's Soap in lavender, Olive Oil Soap, African Black Soap, or a handmade soap from a local soapmaker since I was in middle school. Cleanse again with Kojic Acid Soap, which I treat as like a foaming, rinse-off serum for hyperpigmentation and gentle exfoliation. Mist with Hypochlorous Acid aka HOCL. You can pay $20 for a little bottle from Tower 28... or the same price for a gallon sold as all-purpose cleaner, like I do. I discovered hyaluronic acid serum back around 2015, and it solved the combination skin issues I was having at the time. Because of this, I've been able to wear heavier face creams without them sitting on my skin or being too heavy, since the hyaluronic acid pulls it so deeply into my skin. About a year later, the ingredient exploded in popularity, now you can find it in just about anything, but I still keep a basic hyaluronic acid serum as the base of my external skin hydration. This should be your first serum applied, because it takes everything on top of it into the skin with it. Frankly's Closer Serum. Y'all. This is a legit magic potion. I was dumb last Memorial Day and got a sunburn on my face that finally gave me at 43 the genetic pore widening my mom got at 40. Coincidentally, one of the YouTube doctors I follow put out a video talking about aging pores, and asking followers what they recommend within a week of it happening. Hundreds of people responded, and of all the single ingredients that were most recommended, this serum has all of them. It works very quickly on fine lines, and you see results on your pores in about a month. And it only takes three drops to cover your whole face - forehead, right cheek, left cheek, bring it all into the center to get your nose. Don't forget underneath and in the outer corner of your eyes. Vitamin E Oil. This is how I lost 50 lbs, and kept the skin on my face and neck tight. Again, just four drops - forehead, right cheek, left cheek, neck/throat. The Slug. This changes by season. It's winter as I write this, so I'm using cocoa butter. In summer, I usually go to vegetable glycerin, kind of like a waterproof layer to keep from sweating out all the serums, while simultaneously pulling in all the Great Lakes humidity for my skin's use. I know Vaseline, Aquaphor, and Beef Tallow are all popular for this step lately, and I would suggest against them... simply because they're just a protectant at this point, any nourishing value to your skin has been rendered out. They'll work, sure, but a plant butter like cocoa or shea or aloe would also add it's own nourishing benefits alongside being a humectant. Morning - Another spritz with HOCL, if you must. Let it dry. Apply sunscreen. I will never hear that and not think Baz Luhrmann is about to drop the beat to a commencement address. That's it. None of that will break the bank. Certainly none of it is a thousands of dollar procedure. Internal - the real self care! You may want to discuss this part with your doctor, order blood work if you need it... Daily. It only works if you make it a long term habit - Water. If you need a Brita filter, get a Brita filter. Also get a water receptacle you'll drink from reliably. Is that a Nalgene-style bottle with "at this time, water line needs to be here" decals? Is that an Owalla or Stanley? Is that a copper bottle from the yoga supply shop? Whatever you know that you'll carry around with you and drink reliably from. I really like Meoky's bottle and tumbler line, especially their 2 in 1 lids - my 2 in 1 lid tumbler keeps carbonated drinks fully carbonated overnight, it's so airtight. And that receptacle needs to be reserved for water. Not "Watertok." Not Mormon sodas. Not sweet tea. Not iced lattes, coffee or matcha. Water. Even LaCroix isn't acceptable, my pelvic floor therapist says carbonation can mess with bladder function. You can infuse it with fruit if your brain needs a little something something. Now drink 2-3 of them a day, depending on the size of your receptacle (I went for the 50oz Meoky tumbler to be the Queen of the Karens, She Who Has The Audacity To Confront The Ultimate Manager, God Himself, in "carnival"). All of the above can still be consumed, just try to keep it to one a day, or as a treat. Electrolytes multiple times per day. I literally have no energy without my electrolyte supplement. I went through my subscription supply too quickly once, and decided to wait out the couple of weeks until my next shipment - I will never do that again. I was miserable. Collagen Peptide Supplements. If you can take a collagen complex, definitely do so, but my allergies keep me taking single collagens for specific purposes. And I put 4 teaspoons of Bovine Collagen Peptides in my coffee every morning. Not only does it make my stomach feel full for a few hours, it has my nails so healthy I don't want to paint or cover them, and is definitely contributing to the 2"/month hair growth I'm currently enjoying. And I think my daily collagen coffees during weight loss contributed a lot to my generally firm skin all over. I have stretch marks, and the inside of my thighs are a bit crepe-ey (no sense in doing anything about that until after my hip heals), but my skin otherwise fits quite well for having lost 50 lbs... twice in seven years. Vitamin C. If the above horrified you because you're animal-free, terribly sorry, but collagen comes exclusively from animals, I checked. If you can't supplement it for dietary concerns, you're going to want to make sure you're getting your vitamin c regularly, both nutritionally and as a serum in your skincare, to help your body produce its own. If you're anemic, like so many of us in peri seem to be nowadays, vitamin c will also help your body absorb iron, including reducing the iron constipation. Omega 3-6-9. My brain wants to Get Low every single time. Anyway, this allergen-free (but not vegetarian) seed-based kind that I take also contains a lot of natural estrogenic compounds, so either enjoy the peri support! or try at your own risk! Magnesium Glycinate. Does this shut off the ADHD? No. Does it let the physical exhaustion take over a lot easier? Yes. Iron. Definitely more circumstantial, and one you'll want to check your blood work on first, but if you're exhausted all the time no matter how much sleep you get, your skin is dull and sallow, your hair is thinning and greying, and you have dark circles under your eyes... this'll probably help. Benefiber. Prebiotics to feed our gut probiotics are super important! I start my day, and I mean this, as I'm brewing my coffee, by drinking 24 oz of water with 1 serving of Benefiber and a double squirt of Buoy electrolytes. Again, nothing too crazy, financially. Certainly no weekly infusions at a private med spa. It's almost like they're selling you a marked-up brand by telling you skincare needs to be expensive...

I took my last birth control pill today for the next six weeks. Wish me luck 😬😬 I’m not even off the damn pill yet, and yesterday, I get a HUGE, nearly marble-sized lump deep under my skin on the right side of my chin. It’s been awhile, cystic acne. This is after getting diagnosed with roseacea for the first time in my life a few weeks back. I have the kind where the cartilage in your nose hardens over time. Good grief. Now, you may or may not remember back in the days before South Korea started exporting their skincare lines, and long before the zit stickers everyone wears now, there was “crunchy skincare.” Essentially, you were one of two kinds of teen in the 90’s when it came to your skin - Neutrogena, or Proactiv. Unless you were in the much smaller third group that bought their soaps (likely Dr. Bronner’s) and lotions (likely Jason or Kiss My Face brands) from the local food co-op when they went in to buy their tofu and hummus. And the clerk at the co-op likely told you about this: Look, I didn’t name the clay 😬😬 So, you mix a couple of pinches of the bentonite clay with a couple of drops of raw apple cider vinegar, and apply it to whatever you want to draw impurities out of in a thick paste. You then let the paste dry, usually 20-30 minutes, before soaking it off with a warm, wet washcloth. You can see that sonofabitch through a quarter inch of mud mask. That first go-around brought the lump closer to the surface, and condensed it down, made it firmer to the touch. I’ll do it again before bed, and again tomorrow morning if I need to, until it’s fully drained. It doesn’t usually take more than three go-arounds to clear out a big zit this way. No one ever told me that perimenopause was like if good Spock were puberty, and Evil Spock were perimenopause… puberty in a mustache doing nefarious things. Why did Judy Blume not write a sequel to “Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret” some 10 years ago about this? And next up, once the Pill is out of my system, is periods 😭😭

At the pre-op appointment on Tuesday, my nurse navigator tried to help me work out a plan to sleep away from the cats for two weeks. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that the last time I was cut open for medical purposes, it was at 9 in the morning, and by 5pm I had become the Mumma of a micro-runt from a polyesterous litter (like internet sensation Baby Corn). And that I immediately started pottying him with the incision hand. I could have worn gloves. That occurred to me about the time he litter trained. oof, lightening this picture really showed off the bruise there… Anyway, that was in March 2024. He grew from a little 6oz kittenlet to a 12lb floofy wide boy. He loves the Christmas Tree. I don’t know how to tell him I won’t be able to bend over for Speedy Pets (that’s where he runs at me from across the house, and I have to be quick enough to pet him one time as he zooms by. Failure on my part gets an exasperated second try) for 12 full weeks! So much floof. So much. And considering this is how Penelope is chillin’ right now… Yeah, she’ll be easy to keep out of bed… 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

I had it confirmed today that I have to stay off of my birth control for six weeks - two weeks pre-op, and four weeks post-op. I’m not just ready, I’m not fucking around. Wish me luck 🤞🏼🤞🏼

Left was taken 9/28/25, Right was taken today, 12/12/25. Both show my hair stretched but not straightened, and freshly cut using the Manes by Mell Pigtail Cut. I took about 4” off in September, and 1” off today. That’s just 2 1/2 months of growth 🥳🥳🥳 Introducing my hair: 3a/b, ringlet curls about the diameter of a boba straw (it took me a minute to think of a comparison that wasn’t “middle-sized vaginal dialator,” guys), highly, HIGHLY porous, medium thickness but super fine. And I have about 8” of shrink, no shit, especially at the nape of my neck. My hair has been a real rollercoaster ride over the years. First of all, this is not a “biracial with a white mom” thing, I got the hair from my mom, and she didn’t know what the hell to do with her own hair as a French/Cherokee person in a white neighborhood, so when she gave it to me she basically kept me shorn like a sheep. I “grew my hair out” at 12, but in the age of covering up sulfate damage with silicones, and with a mother who just noped out of hair altogether, I had a rat’s nest. It was severely damaged from the hair products I blindly used, the sun damage from spending the entire summer in the pool, and the hair dye I used to cover up the damage… it was bad. I found the Natural Hair Movement around 2012 or so, and while I was able to rehab my hair into a healthy curl pattern through early LOC methods, I was still coloring my hair, and therefore still damaging it, not to mention while there were Naturalistias using scalp oiling techniques at the time, I didn’t get into it. It seemed “extra.” So, my hair was growing at around 1/2” per month, and the ends weren’t surviving much longer than my collar. I assumed I simply wasn’t able to grow long hair. I stopped dyeing my hair in 2021, and I cut the last of the colored hair off at the beginning of 2024… it took me three years to grow roughly the amount of hair I just grew in the last 2 1/2 months 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ It was having to get my allergens out of my personal care products that led me to finally scalp oiling, and then properly cleaning my scalp regularly to remove the oil, not just shampooing my hair… all of a sudden, my hair grows like nothing else. But I wasn’t working on length retention, I was working against it with some habits. I went from being well on my way to having bra strap length hair by now, to yet another “big chop” and start over at the end of September. That start-over included scalp cleansing with kojic acid soap, scalp oiling with coffee-infused oils, a leave-in conditioner, and a chebe (apparently pronounced “SHEE-bay,” but please correct me if I’m saying it wrong) butter for length retention. I also put a heat hood on over all of this as it’s fresh, to melt the oils and butters down, and lock it into the hair follicle. Otherwise, I find the chebe butter just kinda sits on top of the hair, being needlessly greasy. I also started wearing silk/satin bonnets to bed every night, with silk scrunchies if needed. Another thing that I thought was “a lot” (like, really, I have to wear them over my ears, and that legit kept me from wearing them for years. It’s a dumb neurodivergent thing), but makes a huge difference in length retention. So, how am I planning on maintaining my hair growth while I’m healing a titanium hip joint implant? I make the scalp oil and chebe butter, and I’ll make a triple batch of both within the next couple of days. I’ll keep up my usual every 2-3 days routine with my hair up until the night before surgery. There’s also an internal component to my hair growth - I take daily collagen peptides, electrolytes, iron, buffered vitamin c, and omega 3-6-9 supplements to support a lot of things, hair growth and health included. I can do that until one week before surgery, so I’ll be diligent about taking them until I can’t anymore, and get back to them as soon as I can. I’ll give my scalp and hair a good cleaning as I’m taking that pre-surgery shower, and use a light leave-in and vegetable glycerine to seal it in (my summertime humectant go-to). After it’s dry, I’ll put it up in “boxer braids,” the easiest way to get it under a surgical bonnet. Once I’m out of surgery, I’ll switch to a satin bonnet. For upkeep in the days immediately following surgery, my friend Elfie came in so clutch buying me a Tangle Teezer and spray in detangler/conditioner 🙏🏼🙏🏼 That and a water spray bottle will keep my hair from turning into the Gordian Knot in the back, and I can do it all from bed 🫶🏼 Once I can get back into the shower (which really depends on my post-op pain levels, I have a transport shower chair, so I can sit in the shower all day), I’ll start up the scalp maintenance and chebe length maintenance again… and likely make it my post-op hobby. Right now, my hair is shoulder length, which is where I’m used to it being. I realize that makes me look like the girl from Encanto: When the first trailers came out for Encanto, everyone who ever met me said “why is Katrina in a Disney movie??” I’m hoping to be cleared from post-op with armpit-length hair, have it bra-strap length by by my birthday in early June, and celebrate my big chop anniversary with waist-length hair 🤞🏼🤞🏼🧿🧿 Mind blowing, seriously.

Violet, Michael Myers, and my new panties TW: weight loss, weight gain, weight loss medication. The problem with learning you need surgery in five weeks on literal Black Friday is that shipping isn’t any “two days” like it usually is. This is why we order early! As long as it’s here by January 4th, we’re good. I’m getting an anterior hip replacement, so my surgeon will be going in from the front… and I need Hi-Cut panties that won’t sit the leg seam right on the incision. But I need new panties in general right now. Buckle in, this one’s a story… The only thing I can think of that would ruin one hip, the left one in particular, is that days, literally an amount of days you can count on one hand, after graduating from my local rehab hospital’s outpatient Fibromyalgia Pain Program at the very end of 2017, my left piriformis muscle spasmed so hard, it triggered about 30 more muscle spasms down my left leg, that all had to be released in sequence before the piriformis muscle would relax. That took nine months, and one more go-around through the rehab hospital’s program. The program is a lot of strength training, and I started taking it really seriously as I started healing my muscles after that flare. The result was a 50lbs and 29” total loss, and me being in the best physical health of my life. Of course, that was until the ruptured discs in 2021, at spine levels T10-11 and L5-S1. Between not being able to exercise two hours per day like I had in my strength training days, and comfort eating, I gained that 50lbs back pretty easily after all those surgeries and nerve/spinal cord injuries. Until the food allergies were diagnosed in early 2024, after I went on the AIP diet in late 2023. I’m allergic to both dairy, and all nuts, two of the fattiest foods in the American diet. Cutting those out of my diet, along with basically every pre-packaged convenience food out there meant I dropped 30lbs with very little effort. Here’s where the panties start to come in. At the time, in the pre-tariff days, I had a bit of a dopamine issue with the Shein app. And since I fully expected to drop the other 20lb, I bought a bunch of panty sets in what is my current size. Thing is, I was a lingerie model at the time, so there’s a lot of flesh colored thongs… But then, the migraines and the comfort eating set in, just as the cortisol and perimenopause started to work together to pack a bunch of fat around my organs, and my weight went right back up again. My doctor decided that the solution was Wegovy in late 2024, I was one of the early users. The solution was not Wegovy. I have been in a gastrointestinal nightmare that shows no sign of ending since taking Wegovy. So, I tried Contrave in early 2025, which is a combo of Naltrexone and Bupropion, which, when powers combined, work on addiction in the brain. It’s like the dopamine handed the “I’m hungry” button back to my body, and I’m actually eating for the calories and nutrients now. I’m naturally eating small portion sizes, not snacking, and intermittent fasting. But now, down that 50lbs again, we are in the days of tariffs, and I cannot believe the price of women’s panties! I remember being able to get a 12 pack of cotton panties on sale for $8, that 6 pack was $9 on sale marked down from $20! WHAT THEE ACTUAL FUCK?? So, I now have two panty drawers (heh, two drawers for my drawers), one for “highly polyester but cute enough to wear to the doctor’s appointment where multiple people will see them” and “two sizes too big and getting holes but I have a moral objection to buying more at the prices right now.” Getting a new hip and new panties, what a day! I’ll keep them boxed (as they may be) until I do the surgery laundry, and after that I guess I can finally dump the old ones… Funnily enough, a big reason I wanted to lose the weight this go-around is because you won’t be considered a candidate for a breast reduction unless you’re at a 29 BMI or under. I just got the referral to plastic surgery for a reduction mastectomy about a month before I got the referral to orthopedics… but unlike orthopedics, it takes a full year to get in for a consult, and another year after that to get in for the surgery. That puts me firmly into Medicaid work requirements I’m not physically capable of meeting, so we’ll see if I ever get to ditch my literal Barbie doll proportions. Meanwhile, my Total Joint Replacement Handbook recommends aiming for a BMI 30 or lower by surgery date. Already there, baby! And so, so grateful for being so, this is already pure agony, I can’t even comprehend what carrying another 50lbs around on this hip would be like. And I’m very glad I don’t have to.

One thing about being a middle eastern dancer in the 90's is that the Algerian pop music scene was happening, and I was there for it way more than a teen girl from Michigan should have been. I discovered I was hypermobile when I started an Arabic dance class at 16 years old. I could bend in ways no one else could… and also just could never develop the muscles in certain places to do certain things. While this led to frequent muscle spasms in my lower back starting at 19 years old, in between spasms I was quite the brilliant dancer. But nowadays, I have literally had my twerk joint removed, thanks to the hypermobility. I had some hopes of finding just the right therapist who could teach me to compensate and dance safely around the missing joint without causing damage to the remaining spine, but the pursuit of that is what let me know my hip had gone past the point of no return. People don’t talk much about the grief that disabled people go through, with every new chronic diagnosis to incorporate into your sense of self, every new boundary you encounter with your body, every time you have to miss a social event you’d never have missed before your condition worsened… disability makes you a new person in a lot of ways, and not with your consent. And working through that hits absolutely every stage of grief, and definitely not in anything resembling any linear progression. This usually comes with the loss of friends and sense of community, too - you’re not a coworker anymore. People ask you what you do for a living, you have to tell them you’re too disabled to work, not about the awesome job you have. Or even about the mediocre job you have that at least makes you seem productive in the conversation. Can’t go out with the girls? They’ll keep going out without you, and you won’t talk as much. Etc, etc. And when you were raised to be a “girl boss” who just needs to “hustle harder,” there’s now a lot of work you need to do around the idea of personal productivity and value/worth, along with wondering who the hell you are now that you aren’t an employee or or a volunteer or in a book club or a long-distance hiker. I’m not writing this because I have any answers, I’m personally three years into the really big disability questions, and I feel like a pinball in action, emotionally. I’m writing about it mostly just to get it out, talk out the feels, and hopefully my talked out feels make someone else’s unspoken feels feel less alone. And here’s to who I am becoming! 🥂 I have absolutely no idea what that is, but I know it’s something and I know I’ll get there eventually once I properly mourn the old me and put her to rest, and get to a place of acceptance of the new me. Whenever that is.

Penelope was rescued from living rough in a McDonald’s parking lot by a daily patron who couldn’t bear to see such a little cat suffer through a Michigan winter without a home. Said patron connected with me through Facebook, and made a late-ish night Penelope drop around this time of the year in 2023. I have been Penelope’s Special Human ever since. She likes the other humans in the house well enough, but everyone jokes that I’m her emotional support human. The thing about having a deeply neurotic cat when you’re physically disabled is if you spend a lot of time in one place - like me in my bed - her whole world crumbles if anything is out of place… including me, say, getting out of bed to make dinner, or do the laundry. I’m definitely not allowed in the backyard. Bath time is sus. Toilet time is together time. She seems to understand that I may leave the house for a few hours sometimes, and I am very patiently led back to my bedroom the minute I am back in the house. So. What are we supposed to do to impart to her that Special Mama is going away for a few nights, but she’s coming back and will be spending lots of time in bed thereafter? Feliway infusers? A pet psychic?

Hey, look! I actually went to the Secretary of State and got my handicap hang tag this morning despite having the application paperwork from my doctor in hand since August! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Bob displays my snazzy new parking hang tag. Yeah, that ADHD is something sometimes. I fully could have benefited from having the tag in the intervening months, yes. Anyway, that’s a big one off my pre-surgery checklist! ✔️ Here’s the rest of the checklist, for those of you playing along at home: Watch the “total joint replacement” video that’s sitting in my MyChart inbox between now and 10am Tuesday, when I go in for my pre-op. Pre-op, this coming Tuesday morning! Where I will hopefully be offered a Covid vaccine. If not, I’ll need to get one from Meijer by 12/22. And no one wants to be at Meijer that close to Christmas, so I’ll make that appointment ASAP if it’s not included at the pre-op (I already got a flu shot). The Procurement of Stuff, which has to happen Sooner Rather Than Later since we are on A Timeline. My mom has appointed herself as On That, which I very much appreciate since I have No Money. “Stuff” comes in a few categories here: Consumable stuff aka toiletries and bougie allergy-safe pre-packaged hospital snacks, and reusable stuff aka robes and cervical pillows and slip-on shoes. I have an Amazon Wishlist for these things, and will likely do things like “unboxing” and “what’s in my bag” videos on my YouTube channel . Meal prep. I debated whether I would do this or not, and decided on making and freezing a few meals that are packed with nutrients and easy to freeze and reheat, for convenience’s sake. They’ll each have their own blog post as I make them over the next few weeks. Hair products prep. I purchase pre-made shampoo and leave-in conditioner, but make my own scalp oil, and chebe butter for length retention. I fully intend to have bra strap length hair by summer 2026, and I won’t let major surgery get in the way of regular steam treatments. They’ll also get their own blog posts as my hair journey goes on. Have a fresh oz of cannabis ready and waiting for me when I get home. That’s the only thing that kills the healing itch for me, I want to make sure it’s right there. Get a pedicure. Bending more than 90 degrees is verboten for 12 weeks while the bone heals, so other people are in charge of my feet for awhile. That’s why slip-on shoes have such high priority in the list of Stuff. Keep on keeping on for the next four weeks. Eat nutritious food, stay hydrated with electrolytes, keep up with medications and supplements, keep up with hair and skin care (I was also recently diagnosed with perimenopausal roseacea, so I need to take care of that now, too), get lots of rest, basically make sure I’m taking my healthiest possible self into the operating room. And that’s just my list! I’ll get the official medical checklist at the pre-op, too. Between All This and the holidays, I have a busy month ahead of me! And now you have a good idea of what's going to be featured in this blog, too.

Hello! I'm yr Auntie, the hospital system knows me as Katrina. I'm 43 years old, and I learned exactly one week ago that I need my left hip joint completely replaced. The past week has been a flurry of planning and list making, and part of the planning included a blog/vlog component. Why? This ain't my first rodeo, creampuff. Between 2021 and 2023 I had four spinal laminectomies on two levels - two on the lower lumbar level, two on the lower thoracic. I know what major surgery is like. And I know how my fibromyalgia body and brain respond to it, and what to prepare to make it all easier. But I'm also discovering that a lot of the details are fuzzy two years later, so this is my record for Future Auntie, because I already have a reduction mastectomy planned , I just have to wait two years to get in for the procedure. And with my core joint hypermobility? I'll be darkening orthopedics' doorway again after this, same with neurosurgery... Original plan was for a YouTube vlog, but I have always been better expressing myself in writing, and writing a script to record feels like extra steps. So, anything that requires a visual will get a video, and anything more long form will be written out here, and they'll all be linked to each other. New this time is five food allergies to eat around, so preparations are a bit more complicated than they were in the past, as well. Thankfully, I've been blogging my recipes all along , so meal prep and quick low-effort meals won't be too hard, but the hospital stay does require I provide a few bougie, expensive, pre-packaged goods. I'll talk about that more in-depth in future posts. Alright, signing off to go to bed, I have a few pre-op appointments tomorrow morning that I'll be telling you about!