The most ridiculous apocalypse.

The first part of the blog post I wrote this morning was a lot of me thinking out loud about how to practically prepare for a drought potentially severe enough to cause water rations.

Yes, like I'm sure most everyone else my original thought was how to stockpile water, but that's not practical at all... not only would you need the collection and storage equipment (I don't have the space for a water tower, I measured), but water goes stagnant.

The question to ask is, "how do I adapt to a low water situation?" Actually, pretty simple for me - I have chronic pain and weakness/balance issues, I'm used to not fully showering for more than a week or two, just keeping up on the hygiene things that keep me from smelling like BO - having a "hello kitty," if you will. We know from the California droughts in the 2010's that water rationing basically starts with no bath tubs, no hot tubs, no pools, 2 minute showers, and going as long between showers as possible. If I'm going to stockpile for those conditions, it would be for the hygiene wipes I use to kill the bacteria that makes your kitty say "hello," if you know what I mean...

So, to keep it not up to my ADHD, I put a subscription on my favorite hygiene wipes. I have two packages delivering every six weeks, which at the rate I generally use them should get me a nice little stockpile going by the end of the year.

And then I sent the group text something like "nowhere in the Book of Revelations did it mention anything about stockpiling pussy wipes being an important part of the apocalypse."

So, I'm sitting here writing this thinking to myself "should I really be announcing that I'm stockpiling hygiene wipes? I mean, what if they're scarce and someone tries looting my house?"

Now I'm like "NOWHERE in the Book of Revelations did it mention anything about the possibility of having to shoot a looter in the head over a package of pussy wipes."

I mean, I would absolutely rather be doing the absurdist apocalypse over the grimdark apocalypse, it suits my personality better. But holy shit, we are reaching levels of absurdity here.

For the record, I can smell a good hyperfocus on the hygiene practices of cultures from arid climates coming on, in addition to a good wipe collection, and probably a lil' stockpile of HOCL and white vinegar, too...

I'm also researching my options for building my camp mess setup. This is my 10 year anniversary of really taking up camping as a summer hobby, and I've always done the majority of my food prep in my home kitchen, and really just heated or re-heated what I've brought, to varying levels of success. Now, with all my allergies? You'd think I'd just do the same, but I'm looking at creating myself a travelling kitchen, complete with a pantry in miniature, all pre-packed and ready to go. Add a few fresh groceries to the cooler each time I go out, and I can cook myself all kinds of things while I'm camping or tailgaiting. Or at an Air B&B, you have to bring your own food to those, too, including the pantry ingredients. I used to budget $100 for a 3-day weekend's worth of food. This is going to make camping even more affordable...

I had to have been the meal coordinator for a Silk Road Caravan, or ran the Mess Wagon for an American Wagon Train in a past life. I love this shit.