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Just girly things. So, how do you pre-surgery panic? I am well medicated against panic attacks, they have to be really, really bad to break through the med barrier and manifest as a full-on attack. I was expecting this recent major medical malady, so I haven't gone into full panic mode yet... but the nausea and vomiting has started. Especially at night. Now, the first thing I was taught at Fibromyalgia Clinic is that the first rule of Fibro Club is that we do not talk about Fibro Club. Discussing your symptoms in any detail with anyone but your care team in a clinical setting puts your focus on your symptoms, and focusing on your symptoms regularly makes your brain solidify them in as normal more and more. Actively keeping a blog about a pain condition goes completely against everything I've ever been taught about pain management. So, I figured that if I was going to have any psychosomatic reactions to the stress - like the spontaneous pukes - I'd have them as I'm writing blog posts and actively focusing on my pain and my surgery plans. Nope. I'm waking up to it at 2am. Great. My mom is going to make me ride in her car with a puke bowl in my lap until after surgery now 😅😅

One thing about being a middle eastern dancer in the 90's is that the Algerian pop music scene was happening, and I was there for it way more than a teen girl from Michigan should have been. I discovered I was hypermobile when I started an Arabic dance class at 16 years old. I could bend in ways no one else could… and also just could never develop the muscles in certain places to do certain things. While this led to frequent muscle spasms in my lower back starting at 19 years old, in between spasms I was quite the brilliant dancer. But nowadays, I have literally had my twerk joint removed, thanks to the hypermobility. I had some hopes of finding just the right therapist who could teach me to compensate and dance safely around the missing joint without causing damage to the remaining spine, but the pursuit of that is what let me know my hip had gone past the point of no return. People don’t talk much about the grief that disabled people go through, with every new chronic diagnosis to incorporate into your sense of self, every new boundary you encounter with your body, every time you have to miss a social event you’d never have missed before your condition worsened… disability makes you a new person in a lot of ways, and not with your consent. And working through that hits absolutely every stage of grief, and definitely not in anything resembling any linear progression. This usually comes with the loss of friends and sense of community, too - you’re not a coworker anymore. People ask you what you do for a living, you have to tell them you’re too disabled to work, not about the awesome job you have. Or even about the mediocre job you have that at least makes you seem productive in the conversation. Can’t go out with the girls? They’ll keep going out without you, and you won’t talk as much. Etc, etc. And when you were raised to be a “girl boss” who just needs to “hustle harder,” there’s now a lot of work you need to do around the idea of personal productivity and value/worth, along with wondering who the hell you are now that you aren’t an employee or or a volunteer or in a book club or a long-distance hiker. I’m not writing this because I have any answers, I’m personally three years into the really big disability questions, and I feel like a pinball in action, emotionally. I’m writing about it mostly just to get it out, talk out the feels, and hopefully my talked out feels make someone else’s unspoken feels feel less alone. And here’s to who I am becoming! 🥂 I have absolutely no idea what that is, but I know it’s something and I know I’ll get there eventually once I properly mourn the old me and put her to rest, and get to a place of acceptance of the new me. Whenever that is.

Penelope was rescued from living rough in a McDonald’s parking lot by a daily patron who couldn’t bear to see such a little cat suffer through a Michigan winter without a home. Said patron connected with me through Facebook, and made a late-ish night Penelope drop around this time of the year in 2023. I have been Penelope’s Special Human ever since. She likes the other humans in the house well enough, but everyone jokes that I’m her emotional support human. The thing about having a deeply neurotic cat when you’re physically disabled is if you spend a lot of time in one place - like me in my bed - her whole world crumbles if anything is out of place… including me, say, getting out of bed to make dinner, or do the laundry. I’m definitely not allowed in the backyard. Bath time is sus. Toilet time is together time. She seems to understand that I may leave the house for a few hours sometimes, and I am very patiently led back to my bedroom the minute I am back in the house. So. What are we supposed to do to impart to her that Special Mama is going away for a few nights, but she’s coming back and will be spending lots of time in bed thereafter? Feliway infusers? A pet psychic?

Hey, look! I actually went to the Secretary of State and got my handicap hang tag this morning despite having the application paperwork from my doctor in hand since August! 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ Bob displays my snazzy new parking hang tag. Yeah, that ADHD is something sometimes. I fully could have benefited from having the tag in the intervening months, yes. Anyway, that’s a big one off my pre-surgery checklist! ✔️ Here’s the rest of the checklist, for those of you playing along at home: Watch the “total joint replacement” video that’s sitting in my MyChart inbox between now and 10am Tuesday, when I go in for my pre-op. Pre-op, this coming Tuesday morning! Where I will hopefully be offered a Covid vaccine. If not, I’ll need to get one from Meijer by 12/22. And no one wants to be at Meijer that close to Christmas, so I’ll make that appointment ASAP if it’s not included at the pre-op (I already got a flu shot). The Procurement of Stuff, which has to happen Sooner Rather Than Later since we are on A Timeline. My mom has appointed herself as On That, which I very much appreciate since I have No Money. “Stuff” comes in a few categories here: Consumable stuff aka toiletries and bougie allergy-safe pre-packaged hospital snacks, and reusable stuff aka robes and cervical pillows and slip-on shoes. I have an Amazon Wishlist for these things, and will likely do things like “unboxing” and “what’s in my bag” videos on my YouTube channel . Meal prep. I debated whether I would do this or not, and decided on making and freezing a few meals that are packed with nutrients and easy to freeze and reheat, for convenience’s sake. They’ll each have their own blog post as I make them over the next few weeks. Hair products prep. I purchase pre-made shampoo and leave-in conditioner, but make my own scalp oil, and chebe butter for length retention. I fully intend to have bra strap length hair by summer 2026, and I won’t let major surgery get in the way of regular steam treatments. They’ll also get their own blog posts as my hair journey goes on. Have a fresh oz of cannabis ready and waiting for me when I get home. That’s the only thing that kills the healing itch for me, I want to make sure it’s right there. Get a pedicure. Bending more than 90 degrees is verboten for 12 weeks while the bone heals, so other people are in charge of my feet for awhile. That’s why slip-on shoes have such high priority in the list of Stuff. Keep on keeping on for the next four weeks. Eat nutritious food, stay hydrated with electrolytes, keep up with medications and supplements, keep up with hair and skin care (I was also recently diagnosed with perimenopausal roseacea, so I need to take care of that now, too), get lots of rest, basically make sure I’m taking my healthiest possible self into the operating room. And that’s just my list! I’ll get the official medical checklist at the pre-op, too. Between All This and the holidays, I have a busy month ahead of me! And now you have a good idea of what's going to be featured in this blog, too.

Hello! I'm yr Auntie, the hospital system knows me as Katrina. I'm 43 years old, and I learned exactly one week ago that I need my left hip joint completely replaced. The past week has been a flurry of planning and list making, and part of the planning included a blog/vlog component. Why? This ain't my first rodeo, creampuff. Between 2021 and 2023 I had four spinal laminectomies on two levels - two on the lower lumbar level, two on the lower thoracic. I know what major surgery is like. And I know how my fibromyalgia body and brain respond to it, and what to prepare to make it all easier. But I'm also discovering that a lot of the details are fuzzy two years later, so this is my record for Future Auntie, because I already have a reduction mastectomy planned , I just have to wait two years to get in for the procedure. And with my core joint hypermobility? I'll be darkening orthopedics' doorway again after this, same with neurosurgery... Original plan was for a YouTube vlog, but I have always been better expressing myself in writing, and writing a script to record feels like extra steps. So, anything that requires a visual will get a video, and anything more long form will be written out here, and they'll all be linked to each other. New this time is five food allergies to eat around, so preparations are a bit more complicated than they were in the past, as well. Thankfully, I've been blogging my recipes all along , so meal prep and quick low-effort meals won't be too hard, but the hospital stay does require I provide a few bougie, expensive, pre-packaged goods. I'll talk about that more in-depth in future posts. Alright, signing off to go to bed, I have a few pre-op appointments tomorrow morning that I'll be telling you about!