Today is hard.

It doesn't help that I still can't keep anything down on my effervescent digestive system (I just took a third dose of activated charcoal, and I'm still gassy! And yes, I am aware that activated charcoal cancels out my other meds, this is that serious). Or that I haven't slept in 32 hours because of that. Or that my day started right out with bad news. Or that the drop of sedentary mid-winter healing hit this weekend, after a holiday season packed full of pre-op planning. Or that the ambient mood in the world is way off, for obvious reasons.

I've basically been crying all day. Not super fun.

But for some reason, today feels more like an ending than anything. Like there's nothing else to look forward to now, which is of course ridiculous.

But, it's also kinda where I am, too. Right now, I heal a leg. That'll take me through March, and then... fuck me if I know. My future is very up in the air right now, like it has been for the past 3 years. I'm not used to it. Trust me.